Rugby World Cup
I am not even going to pretend I know anything about rugby. Luckily, though, The Swamp is blessed with those who do. Tom 1860, easily the most awesome Swamper currently living in Bristol, England (just east of God's country), has posted a preview of the upcoming Rugby World Cup.
I am pasting it here, and you can read the rest after the jump. Beware, there are loads of words you would expect to hear on a Rugby-pitch. Or whatever ruggers call a field. Also some gratuitous use of the English 'u' in words like colour and rumour and common misspellings of things like center and defense.
Be sure to check in this thread in The Swamp for more hot scrum action.
"Here's the proper, I fucking know about rugby review (Which will include huge stereo-typing):
Favourites (In order of rank): New Zealand, South Africa, France, Ireland, Australia, England, Wales, Argentina, Italy and Scotland.
Team overviews and players to watch:
New Zealand - The All Blacks: Bed-shitters-extraordinaire, but by far the best team. Have been the best team between cups in 1995, 1999, and 2003, but have found a way to lose. Would be a national disaster if they lost and, in my humble opinion, only South Africa or France can take them. They cheat better than any other team in the world and get away with it.
Players to watch:
Captain Richie McCaw @ 7, best forward (I changed this from foward, which actually might be a rugby position, I wouldn't know - AB) in the game, do everything back row forward, always the 1st to the breakdown (When a tackle is made, the ballcarrier goes to ground and has to immediately release the ball).
Rodney So'oialo, huge @ 8 who is the world's best ever cheat (cheating is something to be proud of at international level and should never be confused with dirty play).
Dale Carter @ 10, like McCaw except he is the best backs player. Is very strong and physical despite his size (like LT in football).
South Africa: Huge forwards, hate losing even more than the Australians, except they start punching people when they lose and the Aussies just bitch to the ref and media about it. Have the most physical team and love to beat on others.
Players to watch:
Shalk Berger @ 6, typical Safa, hard as fuck and even dirtier. Is as dirty as So'oialo is a cheat, Rugby's answer to Bob Probert.
Bryan Habana: @14, Big winger with fastest pair of wheels in the game."
France: Playing at home will help them and when they play at their peak, they are 2nd only to the All Blacks. Have the ability to score from anywhere on the pitch and also the ability to lose it at any moment, start crying and then start punching, kicking, biting & spitting, etc... Their defence (Americans, think "d" and picket fence.- AB) has looked fantastic in recent months and they are capable of riding a wave all the way to the title.
Players to watch:
The centre partnership (@ 12 & 13) of Jauzion and Traille is the best in the world. They have everything: Size, tackling, speed and touch.
Serge Betsen @ 6: Best blindside flanker in the world, great cheat, who always seems to be around the ball. Kind of like Brian Urlacher, except he is black (Betsen that is)...
Ireland - The thieving gypsy pikies: Have the most settled team in world rugby and are capable of matching up with the best. Self-belief is their biggest hurdle. Everyone wants them to do well, but we all know they will lose in sad circumstances at the end of the day.
Players to watch:
Brian O'Driscoll or BOD for short. Best attacking 13 in the game... Very strong in contact, captain of the team and a bad loser. Seems to get away with punching anything that looks at him in the wrong way....
Paul O'Connell @ 4, Best lock period. Hards as nails, never dirty (Nobody actually ever starts a fight with the ginger giant) and has no weaknesses...
Australia: Self-belief and huge-headedness to believe they can beat anybody are their greatest assets. Their team on paper is good, but not great... No players numbered 1-5 of any note. Find ways to win and always play well on the big occasion. Very well schooled in the arts of cheating, but not quite as good as the All Blacks, world class moaners, especially to the ref.
Players to watch:
George Gregan @ 9. I am only mention Gregan, because if any Swampers (Tom, Swampers should be capitalized - AB) watch the Aussies play, keep an eye on the amount of time he spends talking to the ref. Only the Captains are allowed to talk to the ref, but watching Gregan (who is not the captain) is a life lesson is whinging and moaning.
Stirling Mortlock @ 13 and Chris Latham @ 15. Big, hard, and arrogant. They look too big to have such soft hands and tackle like trains.
England - Cunts or Saes bastards: Biggest rugby playing nation in the world with regard to number of clubs and current world champions. The team everybody wants to beat. Big, hard physical pack of forwards and totally ineffective backs. They will beat on the smaller nations and won't score tries against the better nations.
Players to watch: All of them if you like porn, because they are a right bunch of moaning pussy cunts.
Johnny Wilkinson @ 10 (a national treasure in the eyes of the English media). Great kicker, organiser and tackler. Actually quite a nice bloke too, strange thing for an Englishman.
Martin Corry @ 6, hard as hell and do or die forward. would beat his own granny to death to make a tackle or get to the ball carrier.
Wales: Can never quite live up to the nation's expectations, even when they win the media find a negative angle. Fans are a fickle as any in world sport. Traditionally a fast, flowing team who like to score tries... Translates into a team who don't have enough forward power and have to finesse the opposition. If they can get 50/50 possession, they can beat anybody, but they never get that and don't have the self-belief if they do...
Players to watch:
James Hook @10, new national hero and beautifully smooth player, goes up through the gears and appears to glide on the pitch.
Dwayne Peel @ 9, the straw that stirs the drink... Scrum half is the position that gets the ball from the big forwards to the fast backs and Peel is as good as any one out there.
Argentina - The nomads: Their forward power at the scrum is the best of any team in the world. They play to their strengths, which is to out muscle teams and kick for position and then out muscle you some more.
Players to watch:
Augustine Pichot @ 9, Captain and horribly niggly little git. Very strong for a 9 and will run until he drops.
F. Todeschini @ 10. Best kicker in the world and because Argentina like to beat on teams until they give away penalties he is always just a moment away from slotting over 3 points.
Italy: Big physical pack with ever improving backs. Good coaching has really brought them on over the past couple of years and they can now live with anyone outside of New Zealand, France and South Africa.
Players to watch:
Marco Bortolami @ 5. Great lock and Captain in the mold of Ireland's Paul O'Connell. Italy's only truly world class player.
Stefano Parisse @ 8. Would be the best 8 in the world on a decent team. Great engine and high powered ball carrier.
Scotland - The fucking Jocks: A very poor man's New Zealand. Quick hard rucking forwards (or possibly fowards) and well coached backs. They play better than they look on paper, which is good, because on paper the top teams should beat them by 30 points every game.
Players to Watch:
Chris Paterson @ 10 or 15, great kicker out of hand and penalties. Quick runner with nice hands.
Jason White @ 6. Scotland's only real ace in the Pack. Huge hitter and tackler. Loves a good dust up too."
(Did a little editing, Tom, hope you don't mind)
Also, stay tuned for the preview of the World Beach Soccer World Cup form Swamp stalwart wlu_lax6. Or maybe not.
