How Bill Simmons lost his fastball
Every time I try to go back to the Bill Simmons well (I'm sorry, but I feel the same way about Simmons as I do about an almost-empty bag of Sun Chips. In the beginning, they were so delicious that even though there are only crumbs left, I keep on sticking my hand in the bag in the hopes of getting another big chip), I ultimately leave disappointed.
While I know the Sports Gal Rant isn't new, for some stupid reason, I decided to read it today. The first few lines are so irrelevant to anything related to sports, and so unnecessary, and so unbelievably annoying, that I just had to stop there.
While we have all been blaming LA for the demise of the once-legendary Sports Guy, I think we owe the City of Angels an apology. Because the blame clearly belongs with Delilah:
"Since I'm knocked up and can't consume any alcoholic beverages or do anything remotely "fun" these days, I've resorted to electronics -- no, not those sort of electronics, you sickos!!! I'm talking about my iPhone. I'm turning into one of those people who I always see walking in crosswalks, looking down at their handhelds, oblivious to the world and just waiting for me to accidentally run them over with my SUV. (That's an L.A. thing)."
I'm sure Simmons is happily married, and I'm glad for him. But if any woman could suck the funny out of you, it might be a SUV-driving, iPhone-holding, "L.A. thing" saying, gross dildo reference using pregnant wife whining about not getting drunk or having fun.
There is zero reason for anyone to have to read that irrelevant tripe. And if that's going to continue to be a regular feature of his columns, I may have just given up Sun Chips for good.
