Sports Frog

After seeing (but not really reading) article #3,000 about why team X isn't interested in Bonds, I feel the need to spell this out for any major league GM who reads the Frog. Your team would be better with a player who does this:

2007 Barry Bonds: .276/.204/.289, 28 HRs in 477 PAs

I can even accept that part of his OBP is likely due to hitting in a lineup so horrific that opposing teams had no incentive to pitch to him. Still, it was still .480. The last major leaguer not named Bonds to reach the .480 mark was Frank Thomas back in 1994. Even if you wanted to say his 43 IBBs weren't "earned" and eliminate them from the equation altogether (which is admittedly dumb), he'd still have an OBP of .429 which would have tied with Pujols for 4th overall. His isoP was 8th in the majors last year. So 1st in OBP, 8th in isoP, unable to find work. Got that? Even the defensive argument doesn't hold much weight with me as long as offense-only butchers like Carlos Lee, Adam Dunn, Chris Duncan and Manny Ramirez are deployed to left field every day.

So, in the absense of better things to do, here's a team by team analysis of which teams actually need Bonds and which can view him merely as a potential bench luxury ...

A few quick notes:
1. Next to the team name is their PECOTA projected MLB rank in OBP and isoP
2. PECOTA projects Barry Bonds to have a .419 OBP and .230 isoP in 475 PAs
3. I don't believe that only contenders should be interested; non-contenders shouldn't pass on him unless they have young talent that needs most of their PAs in LF and at DH and/or record near sellouts on a nightly basis

Sign Bonds as Full-Time DH or Platoon LF:
Baltimore Orioles (23rd OBP, 21st isoP): Luke Scott, Jay Payton, Aubrey Huff and Jay Gibbons are all battling for time at DH and in LF. Obvious upgrade.
Cleveland Indians (4th OBP, 7th isoP): Travis Hafner is set at DH but LF is somewhat unsettled with a potential David Dellucci / Jason Michaels platoon. Seems worth a shot, especially with your ace likely fleeing to more pinstriped pastures after the season. (I know, I've also read that Sabathia wants to go to the West Coast. Hopefully Cashman and the Steinbrenners won't let him.)
Detroit Tigers (5th OBP, 12th isoP): Gary Sheffield is set at DH but is Jacque Jones worth carrying in LF? Why not make a run at the best lineup of the decade, especially with a good defensive CF to help ease some of the burden?
Kansas City Royals (19th OBP, 28th isoP): Billy Butler to 1B, Barry Bonds to DH, Ross Gload to wherever it is guys like Ross Gload go.
Los Angeles Angels (8th OBP, 26th isoP): I get that the Angels love Garret Anderson and are loyal to Garret Anderson and all that but he doesn't deserve a full time job. He isn't a very good baseball player and really hasn't been since 2003 (despite the little power bump last season). I know there are too many guys floating around here and Gary Matthews Jr. likely can't be moved, but none of Anderson, Matthers Jr., Juan Rivera or Reggie Willits can provide even close to what Bonds can on offense. They should find a way to make Bonds at DH happen.
Minnesota Twins (26th OBP, 27th isoP): Jason Kubel is currently their DH.
New York Yankees (1st OBP, 9th isoP): Takes a little maneuvering and the Yankees are a little lefty heavy as it is, but on a one year deal I still like it. Try to swap Hideki Matsui or Johnny Damon out for a lefty in the pen, keep the other in LF and deal with Jason Giambi at 1B for as long as possible. Besides, everyone seems to be convinced the Yankees are evil anyway so why not. Worst case they have plenty of money to pay him to go home.
Oakland Athletics (18th OBP, 25th isoP): Supposedly Oakland has told Jack Cust to prepare himself to be a full-time OF this year so DH is down to Dan Johnson and Mike Sweeney. I really like Johnson but he's blocked by Daric Barton and of no real use to the Athletics at this point. I'm thinking he'd pull a respectable return in a trade (Yankees again make sense here when Giambi fails or breaks down). So Emil Brown to the bench, Cust to LF and Bonds to DH.
Seattle Mariners (29th OBP, 29th isoP): Seattle's 3,4,5 in their lineup is Jose Vidro, Raul Ibanez and Richie Sexson. Assuming Vidro can play a decent enough 1B, there's plenty of maneuverability there to get Bonds in to DH. Another seemingly obvious call.
Texas Rangers (14th OBP, 12th isoP): The slated LF, Marlon Byrd, apparently has some trade value so why not sell high? Even if they're sold on him, the DH tandem of Frank Catalanotto and Jason Botts isn't enough to block a hitter like Bonds.
(Side note: If they really turned down Matt Murton for Marlon Byrd, I finally have something post-Padres trade to really kill Jon Daniels on.)
Atlanta Braves (8th OBP, 14th isoP): Matt Diaz is the best option in LF and he probably won't be used as the weak side of a platoon with anyone they currently have. The Braves have been making clever moves for years; slotting Bonds in as the strong side in LF would be another.
Cincinnati Reds (15th OBP, 8th isoP): Certainly would be out of the box thinking to trade Adam Dunn before losing him to free agency, pick up a nice bounty in return and then sign the exact same guy to play LF, would it not? You're not going to have either a year from now so why not take the extra players in exchange for a slight downtick in production. Besides, Barry and Dusty again? Yeah. That would be fun.
Florida Marlins (22nd OBP, 5th isoP): He would certainly bring a few more fans out but would he want to? Mike Jacobs could go to the bench to make room for Josh Willingham at 1B and Bonds in LF. If I had a "Who Cares" section, I'd put Florida there. For everything.
New York Mets (8th OBP, 16th isoP): Hmmm ... Moises Alou is already hurt and right handed anyway. Endy Chavez is built to be a super 4th OF and not a slot starter. Hmmm ...
Pittsburgh Pirates (26th OBP, 21st isoP): Can Jason Bay play RF? If so, it seems like an easy call to bring Bonds back home. I know him leaving more or less symbolizes the Pirates fall, but they need any draw they can find. Really, even if Bay can't play a good RF, who cares. Their only attainable goal this year is avoiding being baseball's only 6th place team and Bonds certainly helps that out.
San Francisco Giants (30th OBP, 30th isoP): Obviously they should have retained him, so they're a yes, but I'm happy they didn't. When this team sets records for modern day offensively futility and strikes a blow against intangibles lovers everywhere (happy clubhouse!!!), I'll be one of the first ones laughing. Then I'll look at my NL keeper team, realize that Tim Lincecum should have about 5 more wins and immediately stop laughing. Either way, Brian Sabean is awful.

Bonds Would Look Great on the Bench:
Boston Red Sox (2nd OBP, 17th isoP): Set with Manny Ramirez in LF and David Ortiz at DH.
Chicago White Sox (19th OBP, 6th isoP): Carlos Quentin needs time in LF, Jim Thome is at DH and Paul Konerko is at 1B. Pass unless Konerko's trade value could help rebuild a depleted system although even then it's iffy with Nick Swisher in CF.
Toronto Blue Jays (19th OBP, 15th isoP): Frank Thomas has earned another year at DH and Matt Stairs was a lot better than most people realize last season. Add in Adam Lind and there are too many lefty bats deserving of 400 PAs in LF.
Arizona Diamondbacks (12th OBP, 2nd isoP): OF is set with Eric Byrnes, Chris Young and Justin Upton from left to right. For the first time in my life, I wish the NL had a DH because Bonds would fit perfectly in the middle of this lineup.
Chicago Cubs (5th OBP, 4th isoP): Weird situation here. Judging by the Byrd rumors, it appears they really don't want to go with Felix Pie in CF. Moving Alfonso Soriano back to CF and signing Bonds for LF only costs money but that's a scary bad OF. It's plausible, but I'll pass.
Colorado Rockies (3rd OBP, 9th isoP): Matt Holliday in LF, Brad Hawpe in RF, Colorado is fine.
Houston Astros (24th OBP, 21st isoP): Carlos Lee is immovable in so many ways. Not a match.
Los Angeles Dodgers (13th OBP, 20th isoP): No. Please no.
Milwaukee Brewers (8th OBP, 1st isoP): OF is locked in with Ryan Braun, Mike Cameron and Corey Hart.
(Side prediction: While Cameron is sitting out his 25 game suspension, Gabe Gross will finally get a real look and Milwaukee is going to end up with a good sort of problem on their hands.)
Philadelphia Phillies (7th OBP, 3rd isoP): Pat Burrell is the right handed Bonds anyway with the high OBP, good power and bad defense. He's too good and the variance isn't big enough to relegate him to only 300 PAs.
San Diego Padres (28th OBP, 18th isoP): I'm really not sure about this one. Pitcher's park with one of the most drastic flyball pitchers in baseball (Chris Young) on their staff. Factor in a couple interesting LF candidates in Scott Hairston and either Kevin Kouzmanoff or Chase Headley (whichever isn't at 3B) and I'll pass here.
St. Louis Cardinals (25th OBP, 24th isoP): Another weird team. If Colby Rasmus doesn't win the CF job, it means Rick Ankiel is likely out there with Ryan Ludwick playing in RF. Do you go with the worst defensive OF in baseball by shifting Duncan to RF and attempting to hit away defensive problems? Probably not. However, let's assume Pujols is in trouble with the elbow and there's a decent chance Duncan can move to 1B. Interesting. I'm saying pass for now, but with a very good chance of revisiting.

Pass Altogether
Tampa Bay Rays (15th OBP, 11th isoP): Lots and lots of great young talent that needs at bats. I know they were rumored but they strike me as one of the few obvious passes.
Washington Nationals (15th OBP, 19th isoP): Like Tampa Bay, they have enough intriguing guys to play LF (Wily Mo Pena, Elijah Dukes) that may actually have a future with the team to safely pass.

Final tally: 16 to start, 12 for the bench and 2 flat out passes. Yes, he's a jerk and yes he's probably* one of the thousands of players who used some sort of performance enhancing drug. Whatever. So far as we know, Bonds is not a wife beater and not a drunk driver and not many of the other terrible characteristics and acts that make up the types of athlete who should be loathed infinitely more. That Barry Bonds ranks as the uncontested public enemy #1 in baseball (and possibly all of American sports) is half media creation, half fan stupidity and fully ridiculous. Hopefully some team soon recognizes this and signs him to save me the annoyance of more "why we don't need Barry" articles.

(Are people posting on moderately read blogs subject to libel laws? If not, remove that asterisk.)