Sports Frog

This is all his fault, really. He tricked us with his promise of booze and brotherhood. Then, once we had committed, casually mentioned that, oh yeah, we have to run 197 miles first. We should have known he was lying; he also claims to play soccer weekly in Alabama, which is obviously an outright fabrication. The only thing soccer players in Alabama are good for is for feeding to the football players. So this lying thing is pathological.

The thing is, the guy seems to be able to flat move. He didn't let us know he was training that much, and then boom, he drops a line in our Super Secret Forum (trust me, you've missed nothing) and says, "What's up guys last night I ran four miles in like 24 minutes, but I'll try to do better, sorry to let you down." I got a stitch in my side just reading what he had done, it was so surreal.

Bob used to play foosball collegiately at San Diego School of Mines and Technorati, where he was the third little man in the midfield. He and his two linemates synchronized their flipping as if connected by a fat metal bar. He still has the scars, both physical and mental, from this experience, and will gladly show them to you. The mental ones that is. The physical ones are his true shame.

Tale of the Tape:
Name: Bobby Pentagonz
AKA: Gonz, Bobby P, King of the Vagabonds
Height: 70.5 inches
Wait: The Hardest Part
Team Role: Runner, Leg 9 (19.68 Miles, Most Difficult Leg)
10K Potential: The Clock
Hobbies: Shopping for home security systems, not being caught because he's f*cking innocent, Necromancy, Kegel Exercise Class Instructor
Biggest Asset to Team: Racist Joke Sounding Board
Most Likely To: Wake up without knowing where his pants went

Next: AB!