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I really wanted to enjoy tonight’s game. I was really looking forward to it. And it’s not that the Yankees lost, it’s that listening to Tim McCarver is almost as painful as the inflammation in my small intestine this summer.

Tim tried to create a discussion, controversy, commentary or something like that over the fact that John Lackey was being removed from the game. McCarver, like a fish wife, continually whined about how unreliable the Angels bullpen is, and while though correct, he did neglect to mention the main difference this year is that Arte Moreno did not want to part with some serious cash to keep K-Rod. The only thing that Francisco Rodríguez did last year was set the season saves record, come in 3rd in the Cy Young and 6th in the MVP.

Let’s recap the situation. At the time Lackey left the game he was at 104 pitches, 62 of which were strikes. Not an absolute indication to remove your team’s best pitcher. Here is an interesting factoid from LoHud: If you’re looking for a weird prop bet on the game tonight, see if someone will give you action on how long Lackey will stay in the game; in each of his three postseason starts against the Yankees, he’s lasted exactly 5 2/3 innings each time.

Here is the actually play by play of the 7th inning from Yahoo sports:

Top 7th: NY Yankees

- N. Swisher flied out to shallow center 
- M. Cabrera doubled to right 
- J. Posada walked 
- D. Jeter walked, M. Cabrera to third, J. Posada to second 
- J. Damon flied out to left 
- D. Oliver relieved J. Lackey 

So bases loaded, two out, 104 pitches, the Yankees #3 hitter Mark Teixeira at the plate. And then McCarver loses whatever, if anything, is left of his mind. This from the man that eschews statistics. There is absolutely no reason to let facts get in the middle of a good argument.

If I was managing the Angels, I would have taken Lackey out then too. Maybe I don’t bring in Oliver, but that’s a different discussion. So why do I agree with Mike Scioscia? Mainly because I own a computer. Is there not a guy in the production truck that feeds McCarver and Buck stats?

The hardest part of obtaining the evidence to prove McCarver’s point was just another turd on his already mountainous dung heap, was figuring out how to spell Teixeira. Don’t even bother to try to figure it out, just cut and paste from the box score like I did. So then I went to Yahoo (a super secret site just for computer geeks) and I entered the following:  Mark Teixeira versus John Lackey. You can try it yourself, it’s fun. And the results are simply that Mark Teixeira pwns Lackey.

 From ESPN:19 Hits in 49 ABs with 2 Dingers, 11 Ribbies, .388 avg, .464OBP, .551 slugging, for a 1.015 OPS.

So take that Timmy. You have as much information at your finger tips as an Amish-man. At least they have a reason.

What would you do with a frozen head? Play soccer? Go bowling? Haunted house? There really aren’t that many things I can think of doing. It’s not even useful as part of a  ”Weekend at Bernie’s” sequel.

Apparently, there are some people out there even sicker than my imagination. Yes boys and girls, there are some scurvy fucks out there that humanity just doesn’t need. It is time to put a filter into our gene pool.

The New York Daily News is reporting that Red Sox Hall of Famer Ted Williams’ severed head was mistreated at an Arizona cryonics facility, according to details from a new book.

In “Frozen,” Larry Johnson, a former executive at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Ariz., writes that Williams’ head, which had been severed and frozen for storage, was abused at the facility. Johnson claims a technician took baseball-like swings at Williams’ frozen head with a monkey wrench.

Williams, the last player to hit over .400 in a season, died in July 2002 at age 83 and had his remains sent to Alcor for cryogenic storage in the hope that future generations would develop the technology to revive him.

According to the Daily News, Johnson wrote the book while in hiding after becoming a whistleblower in 2003. He held the title of chief operating officer of Alcor for eight months, the newspaper said. He is scheduled for a Tuesday appearance on the ABC news show “Nightline.”

The bad jokes regarding this story have already begun in the Swamp.

* Is Jose Reyes the new Carl Pavano? At least Pavano wasn’t a first round fantasy pick. Reyes has injured himself again.

He already had a torn tendon in the area, so he decided to go for the surgical BOGO, and tore his right hammy while running on Tuesday.

He has only been out of the lineup since May 20th and at that time, in true Belichick fashion, the Mets insisted that Reyes was day-to-day.

Well Mr. Met, aren’t we all day to day? Unless you are in the cast of Flash Foward, no one truly knows if they will be alive in six months. There are few guarantees when it comes to injuries in sports. In fact I can only think of one. Hines Ward will never have a torn ACL in his right knee. (He doesn’t have one.)

And where was Reyes running to? The bank to deposit his ginourmous paycheck?  Well at least the Mets only have to pay him 9 million next year.

* Joba rules. That can be taken only one way this year. The decision making of how to handle Joba this year has been Clintonesque at best, resulting in enough waffles for a church breakfast.

The best quote of the postgame locker room came from Joba Chamberlain, when he was asked what he thought about his role on the Yankees postseason roster.

“If they want me to fold towels, I’ll fold towels,” Chamberlain said. “I don’t really care. I’ll do anything to win on this team.”

Most of the rest of his session with the media was less exciting, but Chamberlain admitted that his tenuous position is the result of his own inconsistency. He had a chance to put a lot of questions away tonight if he followed up his strong outing against Boston with another one. Instead, it’s hard to figure what the Yankees are going to do with Chamberlain come next week.

At this point, it’s a virtual lock the Yankees will take the longer ALDS and need only three starters. That means they could put Chamberlain in the bullpen or leave him off the roster, with the idea that maybe he goes to Tampa to throw during the first round and prepare for a start in the ALCS. Then again, they may not even feel comfortable enough to pitch him at all.

* One billion dollars. That’s a lot of money, period.  You can buy a lot of shit for a billion dollars, like a new stadium in Dallas so you can get caught picking your nose on national TV during your team’s first home game. But somehow I don’t think Tiger Woods will be doing anything like that. He is the first athlete to earn ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

TigerWoods  can add one more accolade to his trophy case: the first athlete to earn $1 billion. Our calculations show that the $10 million bonus Woods earned winning this year’s FedEx Cup title nudged him over the $1 billion mark in career earnings.

* Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback David Garrard thought hosting a weekly radio show would be a good idea. He was meeting fans, answering questions, giving away tickets and previewing the team’s upcoming game.

Maybe he should have discussed it with coach Jack Del Rio first.

When Del Rio learned about Garrard’s Friday show, which aired the last three weeks, it was canceled faster than a network television dud.

“Less than 48 hours away from the game, it’s not even a question,” Del Rio said. “I don’t even understand how anybody could ever advise somebody to think about doing something like that. It makes no sense.”

So Coach Del Rio thought one of his players showed poor judgement. “It makes no sense,” was his final statement.

Hummmm. He publicly humiliates the one guy on the team, that is by job description, supposed to make decisions. Instead of taking him aside and suggesting a change of day, for instance, the coach just cancels the show. That’s how you run a tight ship. Look alive, be sharp, act smart. This looks like a severe case of do as I say, not as I do.

When rookie coach Jack Del Rio placed a stump of oak and an ax in the Jacksonville Jaguars locker room a few weeks ago as a motivational technique, symbolic of his theme to “keep choppin’ wood,” it was viewed as a sophomoric technique by some veterans.

Now the move is likely to be regarded as a huge mistake.

The Jaguars on Thursday lost Pro Bowl punter Chris Hanson for an undetermined amount of time — ESPN.com has learned that he will be sidelined 4-6 weeks and could well miss the balance of the season — when the fourth-year veteran was accidentally gashed on his right (non-kicking foot) while wielding the ax.

If I was Garrard I would have to ax my Coach a few questions.

* With a streak of 5 wins in ESPN’s Streak for Cash I figured the most obvious play for last night was #4 Ole Miss over unranked SouthCarolina. This did not even have anything to do with a point spread, just win baby. Colour me surprised.

Once again, Steve Spurrier, the man who couldn’t coach in the NFL, wreaked havoc with his team on the field.  The Ole Miss  Rebels entered with their highest ranking since Archie Manning was quarterback in 1970. But against Spurrier, the Ole Miss coach, Houston couldn’t bust a Nutt.

The stats of the game are amazingly equal. A difference of 37 net yards. Each team had no picks, one lost fumble and 4 sacks. And yet South Carolina came out of the game ahead 16-10.

Amazing how often the Visor gets lucky.

* Fret not Adrian Peterson fantasy owners. He says his back injuryis much adieu about nothing. How he lasted until the 4th pick in one of my leagues will always remain a mystery. Of course, I picked 5th.

* J.R. Rider was arrested, again. Yawn.

* Hanley Ramirez is a solid #1 fantasy pick and he has given his owners some fantastic numbers this year. In fact he is having a year of historic proportions according to the Palm Beach Post:

When Dick Groat hit .325 for the 1960 Pittsburgh Pirates, he became the first National League shortstop to win the batting title in 25 years.

Almost five decades later, no one has matched Groat’s accomplishment. But Florida’s Hanley Ramirez is close to changing that.

* Giants Safety Kenny Phillips is done for the season.  Phillips had two receptions from Tony Romo, I mean interceptions, Sunday night has been placed on injured reserve with has been described as an “unhealty knee”. Next up someone will actually explain what a sports hernia is, because my Doctor says he doesn’t know.

* Plaxico Burress can learn a lot from Tom Brady. A lot.

Even if he loses a freshly-filed civil lawsuit, New England quarterback Tom Brady will not face NFL suspension for an alleged shooting incident at his April wedding in Costa Rica.

Two photographers are seeking $1 million in damages from Brady and wife Gisele Bundchen. Yuri Cortez and Rolando Aviles claim that Bundchen’s security team fired guns at their car when the paparazzi refused to surrender their camera equipment. Cortez and Aviles filed suit Tuesday in a New York City court.

“Bodyguards are not supposed to be pulling out guns and firing at photographers,” Aviles and Cortez’s attorney John Paul Gleason told People Magazine. “It just shows terrible lack of training and supervision.”

* Is that a Beanie or a Yarmulke? 

Beanie Wells is toting a football with his name on it from the locker room to meetings at Arizona Cardinals headquarters this week.

Teammates try to sneak up and strip the ball from him. If he drops it, he pays a $200 fine to charity. So far, he said, that hasn’t happened.

If you had BYU +27 than you can cash a winner today. The problem was they were giving the Seminoles +7.5 How surprising was this to most people?  The pick distribution for Yahoo’s College Pick ‘em had BYU at 82% giving the points.

Last week Bobby Bowden was being castigated, because his team squeaked out a victory over Jacksonville St. It is a cupcake game and the players acted like they won just by showing up. But yesterday Free Sneakers University brought a whole case of whoop ass across country to Provo.

There are two things you can’t coach. Height and speed. In fact in baseball, speed is the one aspect of a player’s game that never goes into a slump. And the Seminoles have regained the team speed they were famous for during their golden years. In fact all three major Florida schools look fantastic this year and they seem to play the game at a much higher gear.

Now the stats: 

Florida State  converted on its first nine third downs.  FSU finished 12-for-15 on third down conversions and scored all eight times they got inside the BYU 20.

FSU outran BYU 313 yards to 108.

FSU didn’t punt until about a minute remained in the third quarter.

FSU’s Lonnie Pryor ran for two touchdowns on his first two college carries.

I could go on and on. This makes Miami’s win over FSU that much better for the BCS computers.

I believe that collectively we have not written enough about the outstanding season Albert (I don’t care how old he is) Pujols is having. Additionally, as goes Pujols so goes the Cards. It is not entirely a one man show as Dave Duncan deserves a fantastic amount of credit for taking “projects” and making them pitchers.

Led by Tony Larussa, (he went to Law School, but never took the bar) who was raised in the baseball Mecca that is Tampa, the Cards seem to use smoke and mirrors most seasons to stay in contention. This was suppossed to be the year for a Tampa born manager to win the NL Central, though it was thought to be Pinella.

But, let’s get back to King Albert. I shall dismiss all hyperbole and just deal with the stats. Just the stats, ma’am.

Last night was Pujols 10th multi-homer game of the season. He currently leads all of baseball by 6 homers, with47.  Along with the 47 homers he has 56 strikeouts. According to Baseball Reference Pujols, when compared by age, is having a career that mirrors Joe DiMaggio. Sure he isn’t married to Marilyn Monroe, he doesn’t roll like that, he is actually a happy person.  If you take the time to look up Joe or Ted Williams and look at their HRs and there Ks you can see that Pujols is in very unique company.

10 multi-homer games out of 139 games. Why is anybody pitching to him? Why? Perhaps because of the addition of Matt Hollidaywho has hit .360 with 12 homers and 42 RBIs since he put on Cardinal Red. If Holliday wasn’t represented by the Devil Incarnate, (Boras) St. Louis may have already resigned him.  A lot of the media has specualted that trading for Holliday was a way to appease Pujols, to make it easier to re-sign him, which is coming soon.

The medical marvel that is Chris Carpenter, the maturity of Adam Wainwright (I never thought of drafting him in any fantasy league.) and the pitching dead that Dave Duncan has rebuilt will bring another division title to Saint Louie and most likely another pennant. King Albert would look great on the stage that is the World Series and as a fan of the Yankees, I hope the Cards get knocked off before then. But I think somehow they will manage to get themselves there.

At espn.com, this AP report:

An appeals court ruled Wednesday that federal agents were wrong to seize the infamous drug list and samples of 104 Major League Baseball players who allegedly tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003.

In a 9-2 vote, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals agreed with three lower court judges who chastised investigators who had a warrant for only 10 drug test results as part of the BALCO investigation into Barry Bonds and others.

The Red Sawx gave Brad Penny the heave ho last night. Kicked his ass to the curb. Released. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Wasn’t this the guy they Sawx were going to trade a few months ago when they had an excess of starting pitching?

So where does Penny go from here? One place he won’t land is in Chavez Ravine. If he does Larry Bowa might kick his ass.

(From Buster Olney)

Dodgers third-base coach Larry Bowa responded: “You mean the same guy who was never on time, out of shape and has one complete game? He has more stuff to worry about in the AL East than me. He has to worry about getting people out. He was never on time, was out of shape and never helped the kids out. Put that on the [expletive] dot-com. Put it in the headline.”

“He never watched the game [when he was on the DL]. Jason Schmidt watched the games. Nomar Garciaparra watched the games. Mark Sweeney watched the games. You go right down the line, everybody who was on the DL watched the games. But not him. He was out of there.”

Bad Penny.

Start spreading the news….. Over the course of the past 72 hours the Red Saxw have 8 hits in two games, with a 0.00 RISP average. I didn’t even have to do that math as the Sawx have been shutout the past two games by the Yankees. Like Mamma Cass on a ham sandwich, Sawx Nation can feel 2009 begin to slip away.

As Wakefield languishes on the DL with a bad back, John Smoltz is designated for assignment.

As David Ortiz says he was “a little bit careless” (which may be the absolute truth) we have seen Big Papi turn into Big Poopi before our very eyes.

At this point Nick Green is the team’s only SS as Jed Lowrie re-injured his left forearm and went on the disabled list.

But hey New Englanders the news isn’t all bad. I understand Tom Brady looks great in training camp.

And it still makes me sad. Remember that in the plane crash he died in he managed to make sure everyone else survived.