The Sports Frog

Small dangle? Immobile boys? Itty bitty stones? Some other steroid related complication?

Who knows.

At any rate, Jose Canseco was detained briefly by US immigration officials for smuggling a small amount of a "fertility drug" into the US from Mexico. He's to appear at a US District Court in California to discuss which it is---the dangle, the stones, the sperm, or something else. I bet it is itty bitty stones.

• He has fathered nine children by nine women, a fact that came out in a child support case in Georgia. ESPN's Chris Mortenson also reported this during an episode of 'Sunday NFL Countdown' on October 7, 2007. Other reports state that he had to borrow money from the Titans after falling behind in his child-support payments.

• Last year Henry rushed for 691 yards on 167 carries with four touchdowns in his one season in Denver, which was marked by a successful appeal of a one-year NFL suspension over a failed drug test.

Following the breaking news of Henry's reported positive failure, Broncos coach Mike Shanahan publicly supported Henry. This led to Shanahan being fined $25,000 by the NFL.

• Henry was slow to return to offseason workouts after a hamstring injury this summer, and Shanahan jettisoned him in June. About a week after his release, reports surfaced that Henry had again tested positive for marijuana, his third offense putting him in line for a one-year suspension from the NFL if he signed on with another team.

• Henry was suspended four games during the 2005 season for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy.

• Former Broncos running back Travis Henry is portrayed as the ruthless "money guy" in a cocaine trafficking ring who threatened to kill two accomplices and their families if they didn't repay $40,000 in stolen drug money, according to court records.

This guy is like Shawn Kemp, Steve Howe, Ricky Williams and Mercury Morris all rolled into one.

I just had to write that headline. Could not help myself. Call it a compulsion, if you must.

Falcons safety Lawyer Milloy has been arrested on DUI and speeding charges in suburban Atlanta.

Authorities say the 34-year-old player was released from jail Monday morning after posting bond of more than $1,600. He was arrested about five hours earlier. A police spokeswoman did not have details on the arrest.

"FALMOUTH, Mass. - A Cape Cod man faces charges for allegedly beating another man with a baseball bat because he thought he was a New York Yankees fan.

Authorities say 20-year-old Robert Correia is scheduled to be arraigned Monday in Falmouth District Court on charges of assault and battery with a deadly weapon and malicious destruction to a motor vehicle.

Police say Saturday night's alleged incident occurred when Correia and others spotted a car with New York license plates leaving Falmouth's fireworks display.

The group accused the man, whose children were in the car, of being a Yankees fan, then beat him and vandalized his car. The man, whose name was not released, was treated at Falmouth Hospital with non-life threatening injuries to his head and body.

The incident is under investigation and others may be charged."

I bet his parents are proud.

"Newly minted NYU grad William Lopez turned a day of pomp and circumstance at Yankee Stadium into a day of cop and gown when he took off his pants, dashed onto the field and tried to steal home."

Ticked off by an earlier scuffle and taunted by anti-Yankees chants, a 43-year-old mother pulled out of a New Hampshire parking lot last week and rammed into one of the Red Sox fans taunting her, prosecutors said today.

The woman, Ivonne Hernandez of Nashua, had allegedly been drinking and was charged with reckless conduct, aggravated drunken driving, and second-degree murder. She was arraigned in Nashua District Court this morning on charges she used her car to kill Matthew Beaudoin, 29, of Nashua, who died Saturday of head trauma at the Lahey Clinic in Burlington.

Prosecutors would only say that an argument led to the attack. But a relative of Beaudoin's said the scuffle escalated after a group of people that included Beaudoin saw a Yankees sticker on the back window of Hernandez's car. They began chanting "Yankees suck!"

Without policies in sports things could get out of hand. A coach could bring an axe into the clubhouse occupied by a clumsy punter. A Cubs player could sleep with another players wife. A relative of the team President could get caught on tape stealing players money. Sammy could leave early. Rickey could be playing cards. A guy could lie about carrying dear meat or washing his truck.

The reason the Pirates released pitching prospect Olivo Astacio, two sources confirmed yesterday, was that he attacked another player with a bat earlier in the week during extended spring training in Bradenton, Fla.

Astacio and the other player were having an argument, the sources said, and Astacio struck the player's leg with a swing of his bat. He swung again and missed before the incident was broken up.

The other player -- who was not identified -- is not seriously injured, and no charges have been filed. But Pirates management, already wary of Astacio's troubled past throughout his professional career, promptly released him Thursday.

Astacio, 23, was an expensive Latin American signing for Boston in 2002, but the Red Sox suspended him for disciplinary reasons in 2005, and he sat out the entire season.

The Pirates' previous management signed him the following year, and he rose to Class AA Altoona by the final month of last season.

But he pitched only one game for the Curve before breaking his hand during a fight.

The Pirates, who on Thursday described their release of Astacio as a "significant violation of organizational policy," had no further comment yesterday.

That was the title of Dennis Rodman's autobiography written with Jack Isenhour in 2005. He's not a particuarly stable individual.

Former NBA star Dennis Rodman has been arrested for allegedly hitting a woman at a Century City hotel.

Los Angeles police say the 46-year-old Rodman was arrested Wednesday night after officers answered a report of a domestic dispute.

Officer Sara Fayden says they learned Rodman had struck a woman, who suffered injuries to her arm.

Rodman was jailed for investigation of felony domestic violence and freed on $50,000 bail early Thursday

Even Jose Canseco was taken by surprise.

Former slugger (couldn't we just say former cheater turned snitch?) Jose Canseco said he was stunned to learn his former teammate had an affair with McCready.

"I found out about it yesterday and it took me completely by surprise," said Canseco, who wrote in his first book, "Juiced," that the legendary pitcher never strayed from his wife.

"I saw none of it. If it is true, he kept it secret."

It wasn't just Mindy McCready and her 15yo tight ass either. The guy who testified before congress as a solid family man apparently had a bevy of babes around the country.

Roger Clemens hung out with several attractive women in his baseball career, including beauties in California and Boston and a former Manhattan bartender named Angela Moyer.

Clemens, 45, flew the women around the country on his private jet and bought expensive jewelry for at least one of them, a source told the Daily News Tuesday.

Here is the most damning statement: "Her mother (McCready's), Gayle Inge, later told The News, "I know Roger was infatuated with Mindy."

I understand drug addiction and I will not make fun of it. Ok maybe a little, but not right at this moment.

Suspended NASCAR driver Aaron Fike now admits that he not only secretly struggled with drug addiction for years but also shot up heroin on some race days.

In his first in-depth interview since being arrested for heroin possession last summer, the 25-year-old said he had been using heroin for eight months and suffered from a dependency on painkillers for six years before that. In the weeks prior to his arrest, his once-a-week experiment with heroin had become a daily routine, including the days he was competing in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series.

NASCAR officials, when informed of Fike's admission, said the league has kept an eye on the more proactive random drug testing policies recently ramped up by the "Big Four" major league sports but point to the list of recent suspensions as proof that the current policy is working.

"No system is perfect," said Jim Hunter, NASCAR vice president of corporate communications. "Our current policy has served us extremely well. We do have discussions from time to time regarding possible alternatives, so I wouldn't rule those out. But I think what our policy has allowed us to do up to this certain point in time, it has served us well."

The policy missed a guy shooting up HEROIN on a DAILY basis. But the current policy has served them well. The policy is as much of a joke as the "sport" is. I woud love to see this guy's job description. I assume, idiot son-in-law is contained somwhere within it.

Heroin, the drug to be used socially. Just once a week or so. Try it kids, you can even drive on it. It's barely addictive and you can pass the NASCAR drug test too.

Audible relief, from pretty much every Bengals fan.

It has been said before, and it will be said again, but that must be one of the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet. Forget the waste of talent clucking and focus instead on this thought. Henry is not like, say, Steve Howe or Darryl Strawberry, who threw their careers away over substance abuse. As stupid as doing THAT is, at least we can all understand that addiction can take over and make coming back to sobriety a physical barrier that some can't overcome. We get that.

But Henry? He's thrown his career away because he can't stop committing crimes. He apparently has no filter, or base awareness, that kicks in and causes him to stop and think "Say! I'm about to commit a crime. I probably shouldn't do this". And that can't be blamed on something that causes physical yearnings like an addiction does, it is simply attributable to the fact that he is just plain a stupid and uncaring person. It is pretty much the only explanation left. He isn't able to understand that there will be a consequence for his illegal actions, and he apparently could give a shit about who he hurts as he commits the crimes. The latest Cincy judge to have to deal with him told him he was a one man crime spree. That's about right.

At least the Bengals FINALLY did the right thing and cut bait from this loser. Tj Houshmandzadeh sums it up thusly:

"I thought it was over. I'm sure he is upset. But how upset can you be if you continually put yourself in situations like that?"

Pretty much spot on, that.

Good. Now we Bengals fans can move on to our number one off-season priority: ignoring Chad Johnson.

PORT ORCHARD, Wash. - A fast-food cook and Seattle Seahawks fan has been accused of spitting on a hamburger ordered by a man wearing Pittsburgh Steelers attire.

Kitsap County sheriff's deputies say the 37-year-old customer was with his daughters at the Port Orchard-area eatery last Saturday. He reportedly traded remarks with an employee about Super Bowl XL in which the Seahawks lost to the Steelers.

When the customer opened his food container, he says there was spittle on the burger. He demanded a refund and called the fast-foot outlet's district manager.

The manager told deputies a 24-year-old man might be responsible. The next day, deputies went to his house and smelled marijuana. The man was released after being booked for investigation of fourth-degree assault and possession of marijuana.

I know that masterbation helps prevent prostate cancer. It is a wholesome, fun act especially with a lubricant of some type. When I lived on the road I'd just leave a few extra dollars for housekeeping. But I always left the blinds closed. Set the mood. Soft lighting, soft music, etc....

The Red Sox are deferring comment on Monday's arrest of scout Jesse Levis until looking into the incident that led to two felony counts of committing lewd and lascivious acts in the presence of children under 16 at a Florida hotel.

Levis, who was hired as a professional scout on Nov. 7, 2006, was arrested by police and a U.S. Marshals task force in Melbourne, Fla., following an alleged incident in Port St. Lucie, Fla., on Sunday. According to the police report, at least two teenage girls at the hotel claimed to have witnessed him nude and masturbating in his second-floor window while looking down at them in the pool area. Levis told investigators that he was simply walking by the window on the way to the shower.

...Roger Clemens stayed away.

What? Letting a guy who appears to have committed perjury before Congress and who happily tossed his wife to the wolves talk to your minor leaguers ISN'T a good idea?

Well. You learn something new every day.

Being a role model is so fuckin' tough nowadays, what with people kind of, oh, I don't know, thinking that maybe NOT being a known liar and cheat isn't the way to be. Life's hard, Roger.

...Andy Petitte, Chuck Knoblauch, and Kirk Radomsky. Well, get out of jail in the sense that they are spared the public hearing circus.

As you have heard by now, Congress won't make them show up on Wednesday. Now the trick is to figure out exactly why. Maybe in Knoblauch's case Congress didn't want to see him drag his kid before the committee.

Oh, yeah, Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee still have to come. And, for what it is worth, the early word is that what Petitte did testify to behind closed doors backs up McNamee. Portions of the Petitte Affidavit may be made public during the McNamee/Clemens circus.

Enjoy. I guess. If this kind of Congressional fetish is your thing.

Chapter 14: The Congressional Lobbying

---Clemens makes personal visits to the congressional members who will allegedly be giving him difficult questions on Wednesday. Questions arise as to the propriety of those visits, and what the hell the congressional members were thinking in taking those meetings. I almost never agree with Phil Mushnik - ever - but he's got a point here.

---Chairman Henry Waxman criticizes Clemens' lawyer for remarks made by Rusty Hardin about IRS Special Agent Jeff Novitzky. The relevant bits:

"Hardin told The New York Times on Saturday that plans by Novitzky, a special agent for the Internal Revenue Service who has been leading a steroids investigation, to attend the oversight committee's hearing while Clemens testified Wednesday were "unbelievable" and "brazen." He had added, "I can tell you this: If he ever messes with Roger, Roger will eat his lunch." In a letter to Hardin, the committee chairman, Representative Henry A. Waxman, Democrat of California, said his remarks could be interpreted as "an attempt to intimidate a federal law enforcement official in the performance of his official duties." Waxman asked Hardin to clarify his remarks as soon as possible.

Hardin responded to Waxman late Sunday night with a letter saying he regretted the "eat his lunch" remark but that it was Novitzky, not him, who had been trying to intimidate people.

Hmmm. Doesn't sound like Hardin is backing off any.

---What will Andy Petitte testify to? Will he hang Roger Clemens out to dry? Or Brian McNamee? Or neither? And just when the fuck do pitchers and catchers finally report to camps to end the focus on this mess? Oh, soon. Thank G-d.

Hey Brian McNamee? Gross.

"McNamee is due to meet with committee staff Thursday morning to give his own deposition, and his legal team said it will bolster his story with details of the evidence. His side turned over gauze pads and syringes they said had Clemens' blood to IRS Special Agent Jeff Novitzky in early January, a person familiar with the evidence said, speaking on condition of anonymity because McNamee's lawyers did not want to discuss details publicly. The syringes were used to inject Clemens with steroids and human growth hormone, the person said. A second person, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said the evidence was from 2000 and 2001."

What kind of freak keeps such a thing? And, seriously, because you were thinking someday you might need to prove allegations? If that is remotely true, that's stalkeriffic.

I want to believe Brian McNamee. Hell, based on Andy Pettitte's corroboration, I do believe Brian McNamee. But this isn't helping. Oh, and understatement of the year right here:

"Doping expert Don Catlin said steroids could still be detected in a sample that old. "But if you don't find it, it doesn't mean it wasn't there before," said Catlin, who added there are sure to be chain of custody issues."

Oh ya think so, doctor?

Good lord.

...an idea whose time has come?

Perhaps Chuck Knoblauch is a visionary. Or a douche. Could go either way, I suppose. I'm leaning toward douche. At any rate Sports Frog founder garyclark has started a thread with a pertinent related question here, and it elicited this wonderful one liner from Swamp all-timer Scottie:

"He must have thought it was "Bring Your Kid To House Oversight And Government Reform Committee Investigating Drugs In Baseball Day".

Heh.

According to the NY Times this morning, yes. Well, at least McNamee's lawyers think he will. And, if so, no matter how many charts and statistical summaries Roger Clemens hands out, his will be forever viewed as a cheat and a liar. That's a lot of pressure on Pettitte come Monday at his sworn deposition.

The trials and tribulations of a man no one in baseball wants. Like a scorned woman still stalking her lover Jose just won't go away.

Jose Canseco offered to keep Magglio Ordonez "clear" in his upcoming book if the Detroit Tigers outfielder invested in a movie project promoted by Canseco, The New York Times reported Wednesday night.

"Clear", that is punny. And Jose aren't you a little overdue to try and run down your wife with a car or something similar.

Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens are no longer BFFs. In fact, they apparently never were. From Newsday:

"Andy Pettitte is said by friends to be upset with Roger Clemens because of Clemens' aggressive defense to the charges leveled against him in the Mitchell Report. Most of all, Pettitte didn't care for Clemens' public airing of his taped phone call with accuser Brian McNamee, which accomplished little. Among its many unexpected consequences, the Mitchell Report has magnified just how different Clemens and Pettitte are. And with the two men set to share a table at Capitol Hill's Rayburn Hall next month, it's as good a time as any to point out that this supposed mentor-protege's relationship has been overblown by the media - with this space as guilty as anyone else.

"They were never as close as they were made out to be," a friend of both said on the condition of anonymity. "They just sort of went along with it in the media, because it was a good story."

Oh PEDs. Will your nefarious reach leave nothing unsullied?

Ok so the title was a bad don't drop the soap prison reference. But it was inspired by the last line of this article. "Leyritz was mostly a catcher during his 11 seasons."

The real news is the boy is in some deep shit. His BAL was .14. If I remember correctly they drew blood which I have heard gives a higher reading than a breatherlyzer, but it is irrelevent here as Florida law is .08.

"Toxicology results show former major leaguer Jim Leyritz's blood-alcohol levels were nearly twice the legal limit the day he was involved in a fatal crash in December.

Leyritz, initially charged with DUI manslaughter and DUI property damage after the crash, will now face an additional manslaughter charge, according to a Fort Lauderdale Police Department news release."

For the love of all that is holy, if it's even close, get yourself a cab. The lead on the Jim Leyritz story this morning:

"His stellar reputation shattered by an alleged drunken-driving crash that killed a hardworking mother, former Yankee slugger Jim Leyritz remained secluded in his Florida home Sunday, distressed and desperate for a good lawyer. With his worried parents, children and ex-wife, Karrie, providing comfort, Leyritz privately contemplated his spiral from pinstripes to the possibility of serving 15 years in prison stripes."

Yeah. Sucks for him.

Oh, and, um, for the woman he killed. More so for her. And her family. She was a 30-year-old mother of two who was returning home from closing at an area steak-house when Leyritz murdered her. That's her in the pic below. Leyritz should count himself lucky the most he can get is 15 years.

Let's just say that the people at PETA don't know too much about football. Vick keeps punting the ball. And his voice. There must not be any brothers at PETA, for this guy's voice sounds less African American than Bryant Gumbel. Of course this will increase traffic to PETA's website and that's their point.

While I am wholly against everything that Vick was involved in, I am still searching for the site concerning the ethical treatment of people.

Mississippi put 20 players on probation Sunday after they twice stole items from hotels.

A news release said the players have paid for the items, which included radios and pillows. Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron said in the release that the players will be on probation indefinitely.

I have never been in a hotel that I have ever seen a radio worth stealing.

It would certainly be easy to take shots at Ole Miss, but allow me to relate a story recently told to me by someone who had visited Jackson, Miss for her job. She was training people to operate a new restaurant. On the food quiz they were asked to name 3 vegetarian dishes. One person did choose spaghetti and meatballs but an amazing percentage also chose chicken parmesan.

So, PETA, what of the rumors that Michael Vick will do some Public Service Announcements for your organization?

Not exactly dead, but PETA apparently has some groundrules. What say you, PETA?

"Nachminovitch, a PETA official who taught the Falcons quarterback during last month's course at the agency's Virginia headquarters, said Thursday there were no plans for him to do a public service announcement. In a statement e-mailed to the Journal-Constitution, PETA said: 'If Michael Vick went on TV and said, 'Look at me. I have lost everything --- my career, my income, respect, friends. I've hurt my family, and I am an object of scorn. My life is ruined. I have gone from being a star to the gutter, and now I'm going to jail. Don't be like me. If you fight dogs, stop. And if you don't, don't start,' we would be very pleased. 'Short of that, it's not happening.'"

Actually, that doesn't seem too onerous all things considered.

While we're on the subject of PSAs and Michael Vick, why stop at PETA? How about one for people living with STDs? Or one for people too stupid not to test positive for pot while awaiting federal sentencing? Frankly, there's a long list of potential causes that Vick now has ample time to lend his voice to.

There are a lot of college players that emulate the NFL pros. Sometimes this does not turn out to be a good thing.

Safety Tony Joiner is the eighth Florida player in the last nine months to get in legal trouble, a growing concern for the defending national champions.

Joiner, a senior captain and defensive leader, was arrested early Tuesday and charged with felony burglary, police said.

Joiner, who ranks fifth on the team with 20 tackles, was arrested around 5 a.m. outside the fenced impound lot of a local towing company, Gainesville police said.

But the owner of the property leased by the towing company, Stan Forron, said Tuesday afternoon that the whole thing is a misunderstanding.

Joiner was accused of pushing a heavy electric gate open to enter the lot in an attempt to retrieve his girlfriend's car, which was being held in lieu of a $76 towing bill, a police report said.

You would think the SEC boosters would have been paying Joiner enough to afford a $76 towing bill. What is wrong with the boosters? Pay these guys what they are worth.

And talk about a stupid crime. 76 must also be his SAT score. They might just notice a car missing.

Investigators questioned O.J. Simpson about a break-in at a casino hotel room involving sports memorabilia, police said Friday.

The break-in was reported at the Palace Station casino late Thursday night, police spokesman Jose Montoya said. He said the break-in involved sports collectibles, but he declined to elaborate.

Simpson was released and is believed to be in Las Vegas, Montoya said.

"We don't believe he's going anywhere," he said.

If he does try to leave town, will they chase him through the airport?

The University of New Hampshire said Friday it suspended a backup quarterback after learning that he faces murder charges in California.

Henri "Hank" Hendricks, 21, is charged with murder, assault and battery in the beating death of a professional surfer in San Diego in May, the university said. He is to be arraigned Monday in California.

Police allege that Hendricks and four other men beat professional surfer Emery Kauanui Jr. of Hawaii at Kauanui's home on May 24. Kauanui, 24, died several days later.

Hendricks was not arrested immediately after the beating, but gave a statement on his involvement to police a few days later.

Prosecutors filed new charges Tuesday against the other four men and named Hendricks, who was not originally identified as a suspect. The latest charges include several assaults, which prosecutors said occurred before the attack.

Police allege the men are members of a gang known as the Bird Rock Bandits, something defense lawyers deny.

There is really no good excuse for bumping GC's sublime Ana Ivanovic pic down to post the pic I have above, but, dammit, Todd Marinovich makes it hard to ignore him sometimes.

Look, the news that he was arrested after being found holding meth is not a big surprise. The somewhat bemusing thing? What he was doing that drew the cop's attention in the first place.

Skateboarding. Where he shouldn't have been. Ran for six blocks before he was found hiding in a carport.

And, yes, Marinovich is old. At least old in the what-the-fuck-is-he-doing-getting-arrested-for-skateboarding sense. He's 38. Thirty-fuckin' eight. 38.

Not sure 38-year-olds should be keeping it real by skateboarding to stick it in the face of the man. But, hey, perhaps now Marinovich will finally decide he has taught his old man enough of a lesson.

But probably not.

Much thanks to swamp all star timgod for the heads up and thread.

Rafer Alston was arrested in the Big Apple yesterday for allegedly stabbing some guy in the neck. We don't have video on youtube yet, but I bet it looked something like this.

As has been leaking out over the last five days as people digest the draft of the plea agreement, Vick will be singing like a canary whenever requested by the feds. Considering this whole enterprise came to light only because of a drug raid at Vick's Virginia house, somewhere, Paul Cicero shakes his head. The drugs. It all comes back to the drugs.

By the way, in case you missed it last week, do yourself a favor and check out the best and most concise and insightful summation of this story you will find on the internets, over at Braves & Birds.

I was a wacky kid in my teens and 20's. Thank g-d for sealed records. But one thing I never, ever did was take photographc evidence anytime I bent or fractured a law. Even if I had pictures of an event the last thing I would do is post it on the internet. But hey that's just me. I grew up in NYC. I didnt's see anything, I didn't hear anything, I wasn't even there. Times have changed.

Gary Barta (Iowa AD) is familiar with the Facebook.com phenomenon.

And he has seen some of the disturbing images some users of the social Web site choose to post on their personal pages.

But the pictures Iowa's director of athletics had land on his desk this week were particularly troubling. In them, four members of the Hawkeyes football team are shown flaunting empty alcohol bottles, flashing apparent gang signs and handling large sums of cash.

All of the players are under 21.

Two of them -- receivers Dominique Douglas and Anthony Bowman -- were arrested Sunday and charged with using stolen credit cards to make more than $2,000 in purchases. A third -- reserve quarterback Arvell Nelson -- posted bond on a warrant out for his arrest for failing to appear at a court date stemming from a July 2 citation for driving with a suspended license.

The fourth, receiver James Cleveland, has not been implicated in any crimes, but the University of Iowa police are continuing the investigation into the credit card thefts.

The photos were posted on the personal sites of Douglas and Bowman but since have been removed.

Youth is truly wasted on the young.

Well, if you are Michael Vick, according to the NY Daily News, somewhere in the neighborhood of $100 million dollars.

Worst. hobby. ever.

Thanks to Michael Wilbon in today's Washington Post for getting it right about Michael Vick, his impending jail time, and how he might be able to play in the NFL again.

"If he says what arrogant athletes in trouble usually say, that this is behind him and it's time to move on, his penitence will be insufficient. He'd better take the approach, and publicly, that his god isn't finished with him yet and there's a better man at the end of this regrettable process than at the beginning. Vick, clearly a man used to taking what he wants without fear of consequence, had better start begging quite literally for mercy and forgiveness. In public. Every chance he gets. We may be a forgiving culture, but only if people believe the sinner is genuinely contrite."

Wilbon goes on to say that he doesn't think Vick has it in him. He isn't sorry he murdered dogs. He's sorry he got caught. Two very different things.

...and we're not talking about Michigan Stadium.

CNN is reporting the embattled Atlanta Falcons quarterback has accepted a plea deal in his federal dogfighting case that will include jail time.

The amount of time remains to be seen, though prosecutors apparently were throwing around 18 to 36 months. The guess here is that for Vick to agree to the deal, it is probably much closer to the low end of that figure. Whatever punishment the NFL then metes out might mean Vick will not play football again until 2009 or 2010, if ever.

We've obviously been talking about this for quite some time in The Swamp. Has justice been done?

And what's next for Vick and the Falcons?

...that you take the plea.

I am guessing that his high-powered legal team has already flat told him that. Presumably there are back-channel commuications underway with Roger Goodell with Vick's lawyers in an attempt to preserve some semblence of a chance at a resumed NFL career after Vick serves some prison time. Assuming he can still talk a team into giving him a second chance a few years from now. The fantastic Braves & Birds blog has a rather good guess on just who might be willing to take a chance, should the prison/suspension scenario play out.

As for the ease of the decision...the chances of Vick skating on the charges against him, given the testimony of the co-conspirators, the presumed testimony of the three still unknown witnesses, and the fact that common sense dictates that the NFL fueled money of Vick's was what seeded the dog fighting operation, I just cannot imagine taking that to trial. Lester Munson on espn.com with a must read piece on just why that is.

Lawyers are paid to advise, first and foremost. Trying to cut significant losses should be the top consideration for Vick at this point in time.

Unreal how fast fame and fortune can all go away.

Perhaps you remember the very first sherriff to have his boot camp on TV, Maricopa County.

In fact the current sherriff is having an issue about some photoshopped photo (we are looking a you SL22). Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is irate over the circulation of a doctored photo that shows him dressed in a Ku Klux Klan outfit and holding a noose with a Hispanic man in the background.

I would never call what the Klan wears an outfit, but shit, I never went to journalism school.

So what does this have to do with sports, talking about the little county that thinks they can?

Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas has sent letters to NBA Commissioner David Stern and the head of the FBI in Washington, saying he wants to know whether Tim Donaghy gambled on the two Suns road playoff games, provided inside information to gamblers or helped determine the outcome by making bad officiating calls.

Once again not being the journalism major, I may have skipped the fact that the FBI is in Washington, but today we are learning what I don't know. What I do know is that the layers of law enforcement in this country go Federal, State, County, City. But not in Arizona. In true Judge Roy Bean fashion they just make up shit that sounds good.

Special Assistant County Attorney Barnett Lotstein said Arizona's "long arm statute" allows the county to prosecute in such cases.

"If any element of the crime happened in our county, we have jurisdiction," Lotstein said.

Well Arizonians, good luck with that bit of tax money. The guy is going to get significant time already why do you feel a need to punish him some more? Or did you mommies not suckle you as a child?

I am well aware that the math scores for students in the USA are no longer number #1 in the world. A lot of people can no longer do simple math in their heads. PacMan can't tell the difference between 2 and 6. This should give the Titans a huge advantage in future contract negotiations. Somewhere Dexter Manley feels he has a superior college education. (If you didn't get the reference, look it up, it's a good story too):

From the WWLIS, with video:

Jones appeared on ESPN2's "First Take" and immediately disputed how many times he's been arrested.


"Everybody keeps saying I've been arrested six times," Jones said.


"I haven't been arrested six times.

Unfortunately for PacMan, the damned popo actually keep records.

...being the one in an alleged conspiracy who has others in the alleged conspiracy pointing fingers at you.

"Taylor" from the indictment has cut a deal. Bad news for Mike Vick.

Oh, and Reebok and Nike have decided they don't want to appear to be sanctioning dog murder. Child labor? Still fine by them as far as I know.

From the St Pete Times:

The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office is asking the State Attorney's Office to file a misdemeanor charge against inactive Devil Rays player Elijah Dukes for allegedly violating his wife's protective order.

A sheriff's deputy was called to the Brandon home of NiShea Gilbert, Dukes' estranged wife, on Monday, sheriff's spokeswoman Debbie Carter said.

Gilbert told deputies that Dukes called her home Sunday and asked to speak to his children, which she allowed.

"I probably shouldn't have done it," Gilbert told the Times Tuesday, "but my son was right there asking who was on the phone. When I told him it was his father, he pretty much grabbed the phone from me. Dukes wasn't irate or upset like he usually is. He wasn't cursing, so I let him speak to him. It's just sad that the kids are in the middle of this."

But Gilbert then said she got several harassing phone calls the following day from an unknown woman who is believed to be affiliated with Dukes.

"They were violent and threatening," Gilbert said of the caller, who she said called three times in 10 minutes from different phone numbers. "It's happened before. I'm just tired of it."

I wonder if the Times has a "Pedro Gomez" foloowing Dukes around like the WWLIS has with Bonds.

Look, a part of everyone secretly enjoys scandals. I am as guilty of this as the next guy. And yes, there have been better stretches in the American sports scene than we've had of late. But the level of self-importance and self-righteousness that some journalistas are taking it to is unreal. If you go around the sports sections of the newspaper this week, you can find the most pompous writers in the land with ease. They have risen to the top. Instead of covering the games, they've decided that it is time to preach from their pulpit to the ignorant masses:

Leading off the parade of the sky is falling is - who else? - Bill Plaschke. The highlight of Plaschke's column - aptly titled, "The madness never ends" - is that he ends it by complaining about one of his columns getting bumped for the Vick scandal. Then, he turns around and writes a column entirely about scandal. Selfish and hypocritical all in one? Brilliant.

Then we can head to the Chicago Tribune, where Rick Morrissey plays the soul-searching dark role of Morrissey, as he tries to depress/shame us for following sports at all, which in other circles would be known as "paying his mortgage." My favorite line of the column: "If this doesn't bother you, then you have given up. your heart has stoppped beating." Wow. I mean, that is pretty harsh, isn't it? Trying to shame your readers into sharing your outrage is an interesting tactic.

I also found this line hilarious: "Maybe we're looking for purity when its extinct." Please explain to me when sports was absolutely pure and good. I simply love this line of thinking. Maybe back in the good old days when the Aztecs would play the game not for money, but for their lives. When they murdered the losing team and enslaved their wives and families. Oh no, wait, I've got it. When the Romans made the Christians fight to the death, and/or lions, that was pure sport. Or maybe Morrissey's talking about the all-white eras of American pro sports. Or when Ty Cobb stabbed someone and got away with it. Or when Paul Hornung gambled. Or Pete Rose gambled. And here's the thing, Rick. Those are only the ones we know about. Here's a newsflash. The games have never, ever been remotely pure.

Jay Mariotti's Well-Shaped Eyebrows have decided to take a break from their personal crusade to have Ozzie Guillen fired and break up the scandals into four different columns of the sporting apocalypse: Bud Selig not following Barry Bonds, the ref scandal, more about Bonds and streroids, and from a little while back, their rant against soccer (read: "Beckham's attempted hijacking of the American psyche"). What? No room for Michael Vick?

I confess, upon realizing the popularity of these columns, I went straight to the Detroit Free Press to see what the High Prince of Pomp was up to. I found, to my initial disappointment, that Mitch Albom had not yet weighed in with his sky is falling column. Of course, I quickly realized my mistake. Albom is not only a preacher, but a lazy one. He will get around to this topic in the next month or so. But Albom fans need not wait to read his sappy prose. Instead of the scandals, or even sports, Albom has composed a column dedicated to - I shit you not - bemoaning the popularity of Harry Potter at the expense of Winnie the Pooh, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, and others. Right when you think Albom could not find a less important topic to preach about, he comes up with this gold. Credit him for his consistency.

Reportedly, the US Attorneys heading up the Bonds perjury investigation believe they will be ready to indict this fall. Helps that they have another six months to work on the matter (since they just got their grand jury term extended by that length of time). All of this has Bonds' lawyer fired up:

"I'll outmaneuver them at every turn," Rains told the newspaper Saturday night. "I've kicked their ass in private, I'll continue to kick their ass in public."

Wow. Eye of the Tiger, fella.

Plus, I wonder at this reasoning:

"The lawyer told the newspaper that he believes the government didn't let Bonds look at the evidence because it wanted him to slip up in his testimony. 'It was a perjury trap,' Rains told The Daily News."

Maybe. Or maybe the hope was that Bonds would tell the truth.

Oh, and the NFL, Falcons, and the NFLPA are apparently still trying to figure out what to do.

It's not hard gang.

Paid. leave. of. absence.

That way he still makes his coin, the legal system can "play itself out", and the NFL doesn't have the daily nightmare of appearing to be soft on dog murderers.

Sometime next week, referee Tim Donaghy, lowly regarded as a whistle-blower in some circles but qualified enough (in the NBA's view) to work postseason games, will reportedly surrender to the FBI to face charges that he conspired to make calls that would affect the point spread of games.

Donaghy, who was on duty the night of the infamous Nov. 19, 2004 brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills, has made no comment.

The FBI is reportedly investigating an NBA referee who was allegedly betting on basketball games, including games he worked in the past two seasons.

This doesn't really surprise me, the only surprise being that it doesn't happen more often. Having an intimate knowledge of the league and the greed that lives inside us all, I can understand this behavior.

The New York Post first reported Friday that the year-long investigation is focusing on allegations that the referee bet on games and was making calls that affected the point spread on games. The newspaper reported that according to sources, an arrest of the referee was imminent and that NBA Commissioner David Stern is aware of the investigation.

According to the Post, the referee's name was withheld.

The the head of the referees union said it was aware of the probe, Bloomberg News reported.

"These accusations, if true, are extremely serious and we have been in discussions with the NBA regarding this matter,'' Lamell McMorris, head of the NBA Referees Association, told Bloomberg News. "In light of the fact that this is an ongoing federal criminal investigation, we have nothing further to say at this time."

Bloomberg reported that an NBA spokesman and league executive Stu Jackson, who oversees referees, phone messages seeking comment Friday morning. The Post reported that the FBI declined comment on the investigation.

Of course he would not have bet on the games Mario Soto pitched.

...this column.

Where to begin?

First, he makes the rookie mistake of bleating "innocent until proven guilty". Why yes, Stephen A. Smith. That's true. In a court of law. But employers? They're not so constrained. Drop your name all over a 19-page federal indictment, and even ESPN would suspend you. But, hey, not Roger "let the legal process work" Goodell. Must be Roger "you're suspended even though you've not been convicted of anything" Goodell's seldom seen twin. Or at least seldom seen unless league stars are involved.

Then, if that wasn't already dumb enough, he veers to this bit of stupidity:

"Vick looks guilty as sin. At the moment, no one with sense should bet on his innocence. The hanging and drowning of dogs should have all of us seeking retribution. But forgive me if deep in my soul I pray that someone so many of us have cheered and celebrated would be incapable of such an atrocity. If Vick is, indeed, this cruel, then how blind were the rest of us?"

Huh? What? Is Smith trying to hold fans who cheer for guy wearing laundry to some sort of standard where they can determine by looking at the numbered laundry what their off-field activities are? And the guy who writes something so spetacularly dumb is the guy that ESPN is reportedly strongly considering to replace Dan Patrick for the mid-day radio gig?

Laughable.

Regular readers of the Frog have probably already gone there, but if not, make sure to check out Braves & Birds Blog for a level-headed and shrewd analysis of the situation from the Atlanta perspective. Among the goodness, this note related to potential on-field issues:

"And as for Vick, it's hard to imagine that he'll be able to put a looming criminal trial with significant prison time at stake out of his mind and focus on playing football. The million dollar question is whether the rest of the team will be affected. I'm generally not a big fan of the line of reasoning that any off-the-field issues prevent other players from doing their jobs, as that reasoning treats players like emotionally immature children. The Falcons' players still have every individual incentive to play well. That said, they now have a built-in excuse not to succeed and that could become a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Very worth the read. Enjoy.

So many angles this morning. So much unfocused chatter. So much senseless blathering from Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg in their first hour about how Roger Goodell cannot suspend Vick. Whatever. Star-fuckers. More on that in a minute.

Start with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Mark Bradley juxtaposing Vick's career with the Falcons with dates of some of the alleged misdeeds in the indictment. And in wondering just how heated this issue is in Atlanta, do note that the paper has, as of this morning, still suspended comments on the story.

Linger for a moment on the disingenuosness of the NFL's initial statement on Vick's indictment. Dis. in. gen. u. ous. The money shot in the NFL's statement:

"We are disappointed that Michael Vick has put himself in a position where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him," NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said. "The activities alleged are cruel, degrading and illegal. Michael Vick's guilt has not yet been proven, and we believe that all concerned should allow the legal process to determine the facts."

What. the. fuck? As Matt Mosely points out in Hashmarks' most recent entry, no one much recalls Goodell being all worried about due process with, say, Pacman Jones. If THAT's the way the NFL is going to play this, then, well, hypocrite is as hypocrite does. And if they try some "repeat offense" line of excuse-making to avoid making a decision, that's not going to really make sense either. Goodell in essence suspended Pacman Jones for repeatedly embarrassing the league. Never been convicted of anything. Just generally embarrassing as an employee. Vick recently embarrassed the league with water bottle secret compartment thing. Now the dog thing. Seems repeat to me. And, before you point out Vick wasn't charged on the water bottle thing, Pacman wasn't charged following a few of his celebrated arrests.

Which leads me to this (thanks for the heads up from Peter Edmiston and Ron Tillery on Sports 560 WHBQ in Memphis) from Jason Cole at Yahoo Sports, who has some quotes from unnamed sources in the commish's office that make sense:

"Where (Vick) is in the most trouble is that he lied to the commissioner," a league source said. "He told (Goodell) in April that he didn't know anything about this. The commissioner gave (Vick) every chance to come clean, be straight about what was going on. Instead, he just kept denying it."

And there it is. That meeting was in April. And according to the indictment, that was the same month that Vick was himself executing animals. It's not like any of this was ancient history.

To protect the NFL brand, Goodell has to act. The league is bigger than its individuals. If the league punts, other than showing Goodell to be a supreme hypocrite, it will open up an unreal and overwhelmingly noisy circus at every Falcons game this season and the publicity will be awful and will always be the lead over the game (or equally paramount with the game). There's no need for that. Suspend him under the same conduct policy that the others were suspended under. The NFL through Goodell has already hinted it can do just that. So do it. (Gary Myers in the Daily News all over it with this line: "Vick certainly fits the description of putting at risk the integrity and reputation of the NFL - one of the criteria for discipline in Goodell's new personal conduct policy - even he is found not guilty.")

I am guessing infinite + one words will be spoken and spilled on this in the coming months (years). The discussion is unspooling in the Swamp here. Drop by with a thought or two.

From June 28th:

"What strikes me as amazing is that the WWE knows that steroids were not involved in the murder, even though there were some anabolic steroids found in the home. Just this morning World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon on Thursday urged people not to assume that steroids played a role in the murder-suicide of pro-wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife and 7-year-old son."

Looks like the Sportsfrog was right and the WWE was wrong. With our small, but determined investigative staff, armed only with common sense, we determined that steroids may have been involved in this tragedy.

Pro wrestler Chris Benoit had more than 10 times the normal level of testosterone in his system when he hanged himself in his home after killing his wife and 7-year-old son last month.

Even Floyd Landis was impressed. Ten times the normal level. But here is some more from the doctor's comments: "Even the high levels of testosterone should not be overanalyzed, Dr. Kris Sperry, Georgia's top medical examiner warned. They could indicate the wrestler was being treated for "testicular insufficiency," he said.

So what made the nuts so tiny? Steroids perhaps? Seems to be a whole lot of double-speak going on. We will not rest until we uncover the truth.

Guess the rumors that he was going to skate were not so.

The federal indictment details:

"Vick is charged with conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce and aid of unlawful activities and to sponsor an animal fighting venture."

I am guessing we can go ahead and presume this will now be a certain distraction at Falcons camp in two weeks...

Oh, and Roger Goodell? Ball's in YOUR court now. Because, if Pacman's various alleged misdeeds (but no trials, much less convictions) and Chris Henry's various alleged misdeeds could result in such lengthy suspensions, then, um, I am guessing a federal indictment is similarly embarrassing to the league, warranting some sort of suspension, right? If you're going to be consistent and all?

Swamp already kickin' it here (thanks to Swamp all-universe dsafetyguy for the heads up and thread). Drop by with a thought or ten.

Edited to add: The summation on the indictment from the US Attorney's office is eye-popping. A quick scan tells me that Vick is alleged to have been VERY active in the enterprise. In fact, one of the allegations is that Vick was involved actively with the ring in April of this year, "testing" animals to make certain they were suitable for fighting (with horrific death to those animals not suitable---although the indictment is silent on who did the killing of the animals in question). This isn't going away anytime soon...

Federal officials released a study today that details illegal drug use by profession. They seem to have missed professional athletes. The shame.

One in 12 full-time workers in the United States acknowledges having used illegal drugs in the past month, the government reports. (And 2 -12 lied their ass off)

Most of those who report using illicit drugs are employed full-time, with the highest rates among restaurant workers, 17.4 percent, and construction workers, 15.1 percent, according to a federal study being released Monday. About 4 percent of teachers and social service workers reported using illegal drugs in the past month, which was among the lowest rates.

Of course we don't learn about the % of teachers and social service workers on Valium and the like, because when you have insurance you can obtain legal drugs. Be that as it may, what about our ball players? When Rickey Henderson was asked, a few years ago, what he thought about the idea that 50% of the players were on steroids, he replied: "Rickey isn't on that stuff. So now its 49%"

The special irony of reading this article was the advertisement that accompanied it was for International Wine Cellars, two free bottles of wine, a corckscrew and a wood case.

Lonny Baxter will plead guilty to a federal weapons charge next week. This is related to the event last year when Mr. Baxter fired a gun up in the air in celebration within a few blocks of the White House.

Suggested new slogan for the University of Maryland: Fear the Lonny Baxter.

...at Dairy Queens after 3:00 am.

Mark that.

Suspended Missouri Tiger senior basketball player Kalen Grimes went to such an establishment after getting a call from a cousin who was in a "dispute" with others over a girl. We'll let the St. Louis Post Dispatch take us through what happened next:

"Grimes and his brother Michael drove to the restaurant to help their cousin, Karabas said, and Grimes got out of the car, 'racked the shotgun a couple times,' and then used the butt of the shotgun to hit a man in the face."

Well. That will certainly gets one's attention.

And, um, charged.

I am assuming the DQ was not still open at that hour, or perhaps cooler heads could have prevailed and they could have discussed the differences over the girl in question over a Blizzard. More's the pity.

At the least, I am sure that the St. Louis area Swampers will be able to confirm that if you do indeed dare to roll to DQ after 3:00 am, you better come correct.

...has to be chronicled (by celestial fiat), the latest:

"Troubled Titans cornerback Pacman Jones has another court date on his schedule, this time as a result of a traffic stop. A source familiar with the case confirmed that Jones was cited by a Williamson County sheriff's deputy June 10 for not having his insurance and registration in his orange Lamborghini, and will have to answer for it in a Williamson County court on Aug. 10. The source could not confirm a report by WKRN-2 that said the citation was one of three and that Jones was also cited for a 30-day residency violation -- the result of having a Georgia license while residing in Tennessee -- and a registration violation resulting from the wrong license plate being on the car."

Well. That's not, um, particularly newsworthy. Then again, Jones has become so notorious (much like Chris Henry) that if he farts in the general direction of a nun, it ends up being talked about somewhere.

At any rate, little stuff like this further erodes the already slim chance that Jones will see the field in 2007.

And...an orange Lamborghini? Strong. To quite strong. I can't imagine how that kind of subtle vehicle ever caught the attention of a Williamson County Tennessee deputy...

According to the fine folks over mingle2.com, sportsfrog.com is restricted viewing. I would've imagined that the Relations thread, conversations around seals, the nighty caps, and our dirty little gambling habit have earned us the R label.

But according to their board, we use the words "suck" and "hell" too often. And for the record, there is no NC-17 rating, so we're as bad-ass as they come. I'm quite pleased with the rating. I mean, how often do you want to go see a PG-13 movie?

But this is bad news for some Swampers, most notably rballer and The Intern. You'll know need to bring your parents to the computer when e-mailing your brother. That could be awkward.

Las Vegas Review-Journal gossip columnist Norm Clarke notes that Levi Jones and Joey Porter were at the same Las Vegas nightclub at the same time this weekend.

Another Jones-Porter scuffle could have been so sweet (and possibly reset the Bengals arrest counter). Alas, the nightclub in question beefed up its security in response to Jones and Porter being in each other's orbit.

There have been broadcasters who know how to party. Harry Carey was usually drunk by the bottom of the fifth. Marv Albert had a penchant for back stabbing.... I mean biting. Chris Myers would piss anywhere. I even personally saw a very drunk Dan Patrick playing the bongos on stage with Hootie and the Blowfish, during the finale, except he was using a rubber chicken.

Instead of using the off season to drink lattes or fellate Tom Brady, Bill Maas 45, was hanging out with a 27yo female. For some reason he felt the need to be strapped and to carry a stash that would make Steve Howe proud.

Police found a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy

Maas had agreed to a search of the vehicle. I may not be a lawyer, subsequently I generally enjoy my life, but I know this. Don't ever agree to a search. EVER. Especially when you are holding. Make them get a warrant. Have them show a judge probable cause. Duh.

When asked if your vehicle may be searched just say no. Exercise your constitutional rights. Perhaps most universities should add a Criminal Law class to the basket weaving curriculum for football players. "Seeming nervous" is not probable cause.

According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, done as part of a now 7-state investigation into the dog fighting ring that may have had Vick's house as its epicenter. Yesterday's raid was apparently an effort to locate dog carcasses on the property (and some were apparently found).

The details of the investigation remain stomach churning. Still, Vick has not been directly tied to any of this (well, other than it being his property and all) and, despite the investigatory heat, remains in the clear at this point.

Still, I can't imagine what his mental framework will be when the Falcons open training camp in a few weeks. And, I would imagine, the Falcons will need to set some severe ground rules with regard to questions that Vick will take once team activities begin. To call this a potential distraction would be severe understatement.

You're a young football player, obviously drunk and you reside in Bozeman, Montana during the summer semester. You have already spent much of your summer emailing your brother and now you are looking for something exciting and fun to do. Why not break out some eggs and decorate the town?

Two incoming freshmen Montana State University football players are accused of breaking into the mayor's house early Monday while attempting to elude police.

The men - Clay Bignell, 19, of Avon, and Daniel Ogden, 18, of Kalispell - and two others had been egging houses, police said.

They were running from police at about 3:45 a.m. when they crawled through a basement window into Mayor Jeff Krauss' home, Bozeman Police Sgt. Steve Crawford said Tuesday.

The commotion woke up Krauss, who said he went downstairs to find several people running through his house.

Oh those wacky Bobcats.

A 24-year-old man is facing criminal charges after running onto the field during a Cubs game and rushing a pitcher.

Chicago police say Brent Kowalkoski of Elmwood Park was charged with illegal conduct within a sports facility for rushing Cubs relief pitcher Bob Howry Monday night.

The incident happened after Howry gave up a three-run homer to the Colorado Rockies in the top of the ninth inning. Howry was unharmed, but gave up a double to the light hitting Kowalkoski anyway.

Police Captain Dolores Delougher says Kowalkoski was jailed overnight and released Tuesday morning.

Kowalkoski, who could not be reached for comment, is scheduled to appear in court July 26th.

The Cubs won the game 10-9.

I am not saying that Pinella hired the guy, but he did bear a striking resemblance.

Either the police are targeting NFL players or the players are no longer allowed to walk away with a wink and a nod. Perhaps being young and wealthy is a difficult situation, I wouldn't know. Maybe there is a sense of entitlement fostered by years of people telling you yes because you are a star athlete. Whatever the reason, this situation is seriously out of hand.

Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Fred Evans was arrested early Saturday after he refused to leave a taxi on South Beach and then fought with officers, police said.

Police twice used a Taser gun on Evans, according to the arrest report, in attempts to subdue the 6-foot-4, 305-pound player who appeared in one game as a rookie last season with the Dolphins. Officers said they asked Evans to leave the taxi and, after he refused, they attempted to put him in handcuffs. He allegedly resisted, leading to the scuffle.

Dolphins coach Cam Cameron, in a brief statement, said the team was aware of Evans' arrest.

"We will not condone this type of behavior," Cameron said. "I assure everyone it will be dealt with seriously."

Get him Cam. Give him a serious lecture. I am sure that will solve everything. Cynical? Absolutely.

Aw, and here I was feeling just a tiny bit sorry for Jones that he is being made to answer for his entourage. Then I get a few more details on the lead-up to the exchange of gunfire between two cars in DeKalb County. According to the New York Daily News:

"According to the police report, Jones became angry after another patron at Club Blaze asked an entertainer for a dance and told the man, 'I'll kill all y'all in here.' An off-duty cop working as a security guard at the club also told police he overheard Jones say, 'I'm going to get my gun' as the Titans' star left the club."

Oh. Hmmm. That DOES put a different face on the matter. And, if substantianted, is perilously close to the kind of not-so-idle verbiage that precipitated the shooting at the Vegas strip club.

By the way, the phrase "I'm going to get my gun" is not one that I have ever uttered or been within a million miles of uttering. Just seems to me that not a lot of good can come after speaking those words.

I am guessing Jones ain't getting the lesser 10-game suspension at this point....

By the way, Jones' teammates on the Titans are refusing to discuss him. Perhaps it's because they are afraid he will shoot them.

I think we may need a category for "Not Bad Behavior".

So, anyway, to follow-up on the piece I posted on the allegations against Henry last Wednesday, two other suspects have been identified and it apparently confirmed that Henry was nowhere near and had nothing to do with the alleged assault.

So, what in the world was the kid doing saying it was Chris Henry? Some all black guys look alike thing? The equivalent of saying the dog ate my homework? And, well done Chris Henry, in getting your life to the point where outlandish accusations SEEM believable.

At any rate, Henry lives to see another (suspended) day. That's my favorite stock Chris Henry photo, by the way. Grace Jones would approve that fine furry coat...

By the way, some rumblings on the Bengals zealots board I frequent that practice squad running back Quincy Wilson was arrested over the weekend in West Virginia (yes, he's a former Mountaineer, like Henry and Pacman Jones). If so, that would be the first Bengals arrest since January (I don't think AJ Nicholson was arrested prior to his being cut), stopping an amazing five month not-actually-arrested run.

Maybe Maddon will give him a start in honor of the day instead of bringing him off the bench.

Have you ever been driving around in traffic and just decided that it would be a good time to rub one out? Perhaps you just can't overcome the urge to email your brother, cape the crusader or spend a few minutes romancing the bone. Well apparently it seemed like a good idea to Oklahoma State's baketball career scoring leader.

Former NBA player Byron Houston was arrested Wednesday on an indecent exposure charge.

A woman called police around 5:45 p.m. Wednesday to report that a man was masturbating at an intersection in northwestern Oklahoma City, police Master Sgt. Gary Knight said. Officers found Houston in the driver's seat of a vehicle with his underwear on the floorboard, and the woman positively identified him, Knight said.

Houston was arrested on counts of indecent exposure, engaging in a lewd act and driving with a canceled license. He was held at the Oklahoma County Jail on $4,000 bond. The district attorney's office had not filed charges Thursday.

The 37-year-old Houston, Oklahoma State's career scoring leader, averaged 3.9 points and 3.0 rebounds in his four-year NBA career with Golden State, Seattle and Sacramento.

He pleaded guilty to three counts of indecent exposure in 2003 and is a registered sex offender. He most recently updated his registry in March, according to the state Department of Corrections' Web site.

Hat tip to wlu_lax6 for finding this gem of self love.

And the Devil Rays happily agree to give him one.

Which meant Dukes and his current 5 for 51 slump were not in the line-up to join his teammates in flailing away at Jake Peavy last night.

I note, in regard to his general personal off-field distractions (like, say, humping 17-year-olds without protection), that the Devil Rays have provided Dukes counseling through their "Employee Assistance Program".

I absolutely hope they have mentioned to Dukes the existence of a product called a "condom", and perhaps recruited some Florida Barely Legal hottie to explain to him how its used and WHY it should be used.

Oh, and Dukes' wife has filed for divorce. Go figure.

I would guess the Rays are hoping Rocco Baldelli's rehab from his muscle pull clicks along with no setbacks. To call Elijah Dukes unstable right now is to insult unstable people. Oh, and I had missed this yesterday, but a big thanks to Eric Wilbur at boston.com for the find. What does Elijah Dukes' mother think about her son's procreation spree? Quoth the momma Dukes:

"'Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant,' she told the St. Petersburg Times. 'That's right. And I'm tired of them.'"

At least the mystery of where Dukes got all that class is solved. Gracious. Ho' s? You are on notice. I am guessing Thanksgiving dinner will be a little tense on the Dukes estate this year...

The latest circumstances the Tampa outfielder finds himself addressing: how he came to father yet another child by yet another woman. Er...girl. Teen girl. Um, teen girl who was in the foster care of Dukes' grandmother at the time Dukes impregnated her.

Oh, and when confronted with the fact of the pregnancy, allegedly threw a Gatorade bottle at his latest (teen) baby-mama. Which is NOT, I would submit, Dukes' acknowledgement that her having his baby was a wonderful way to say she loved him.

But, while we are here, thanks to Dukes for shining a spotlight on Florida's statutory rape laws. Apparently not a problem for a 22-year-old to have consensual sex with a 17-year-old in Florida. In fact, 18-23 year olds are cleared for landing, as it were, with 16 and 17 year olds in Florida (assuming consent, of course).

So...if you are 23, and have a thing for high school sophomores, get you to Florida. If that's your thing. Pervert.

Oh, and I am just guessing here, but I would hope the Department of Children and Families thinks long before sending another teen to the home of Elijah Dukes' grandmother for foster care. Because if they send another female teen to that environment? Akin to pimping.

Thanks to swamp perennial all-star hoodrich for the heads up and thread on Dukes' latest shenanigan.

So, hi.

Been gone a week on vacation, finally back and settled in enough to resume posting.

What to put up first? Hmmmm.

Say! What about this?

"Police say the 16-year-old and an 18-year-old friend were walking along Wetherington Boulevard near Mt. Zion Road just after 11 p.m. Friday night when, they say a black Navigator or Escalade pulled up next to them. According to the police report, a white male jumped out and started punching the 16-year-old in the face. 'From that, the victim tells us another gentleman got out of the vehicle the same vehicle and in their attempt to get away, was shoved to the ground by this African American gentleman,' said Cloyd. The teen identified that man as Bengals receiver Chris Henry, and says receiver Reggie McNeill was also in the vehicle. The teen also alleges that they were throwing beer bottles at him as he tried to run away."

So, let me get this straight. The alleged assault happens in Chris Henry's neighborhood in Northern Kentucky, and the story is that Henry was either driving or in a vehicle that pulled abreast of a local teen (who is supposedly friends with Chris Henry's younger brother) and that Henry (and teammate and fellow scofflaw Reggie McNeal) threw beer bottles at him and pushed him after another person in the car beat him?

Actually, not unbelievable on first glance. Considering Henry and all. Weird. But not unbelievable.

Hard on the heels of the Odell Thurman non-story in Georgia (no charges filed), skepticism over a potential money-grab are probably warranted. Then again, Chris Henry has earned, through a few years of wilding, any and all thoughts that these allegations might be true in some respect.

Every time I tell myself that Chris Henry can't really be THAT dumb, I remember his Wonderlic score. 9 is as 9 does, and confirms that, yes, Henry might really be THAT dumb.

I would guess there will be some follow-up to this story, one way or another, in the coming days.

"I met with him earlier today to tell him about the steps I have taken to change my life since being suspended by the NFL. I accept the discipline that's been imposed on me and I am withdrawing my appeal."

""Prosecutors have so much control over grand juries that they could convince them to "indict a ham sandwich.""

Those are the words of Sol Wachtler a former New York State lawyer and judge, and former Chief Judge of the New York Court of Appeals.

Seems like Mike Nifong took those words to heart by indicting three Duke lacrose players.If justice truly isn't blind it will cost him his license to practice law in the state of North Carolina.

A few highlights:

Nifong aggressively pursued the case against the players, at one point calling the lacrosse team "a bunch of hooligans" in a newspaper interview.

In his opening statement, Nifong's attorney, David Freedman, said his client would testify that he regretted making such statements. He went on to recount the very early days of the case, highlighting evidence he said led Nifong to believe a crime had occurred.

"It is not unethical to pursue what someone may believe to be an unwinnable case," he said.

The bar has also alleged that Nifong withheld evidence from defense attorneys and that he lied to both to the court and bar investigators.

I think a couple of months in jail, picking up the soap would suit Mr. Nifong just swell.

Brian Bennett, a journalist for the Louisville Courier-Journal was ejected from the press box at a University of Louisville baseball game by NCAA officials. He was thrown out for live-blogging the game. This was his, gulp, final blog entry from the game: "I have been ejected from U of L's Super Regional game against Oklahoma State by the NCAA for blogging live during the event. I won't be providing any more live updates." Bennett added more details later. Pretty interesting case, actually.

Michael David Smith rushes to the defense of the bloggers of the world, raising his fist in protest, and fighting the power (while posting at AOL): "If the NCAA has a policy against members of the media blogging live during an event, then it's a ridiculous policy that the NCAA needs to reconsider. The NCAA should be thrilled that a talented sports writer like Bennett is providing college baseball fans with information, not scared that Bennett and the Courier-Journal are trying a new way of reaching readers."

Blogger Eric McErlain will no doubt lose credit amongst his basement-dwelling brethren by defending the rights of the NCAA to control information: "Last time I checked there's no constitutional right to a press pass, no matter how many of my fellow bloggers I'd like to see get inside the wire to cover a game."

Let's start off with the fact that the NCAA is idiotic for trying to suppress any coverage of college baseball. This is not a mainstream American sport. They should be offering press passes to every blog on earth, and then flying in the USC Song Girls to serve as waitresses in the press box (Blog entry 7:44:34 PM: I dropped my pencil again. Megan bent over to pick it up for the 17th time. Of course, I am typing on my laptop, not using a pencil, but the prop has served its purpose. In an exclusive press box bloggers instapoll, I have now been voted "most likely to say three consecutive words to Megan").

Having established that, let's bring up history to reinforce it. Remember how the powers that be in Major League Baseball were against radio and then television broadcasts of their games because they figured it would hurt ticket sales? How'd that work out for them? The reality is that the more access you create for the press, the more access you create for the fans. And that's how you end up with more fans.

As for the Constitutional rights? I'll leave that to The Swamp.

Prosecutors pointed to Ellerman's motion to dismiss as evidence that there was more to blame than drugs and alcohol for Ellerman's deceit.

"The government does not fully accept defendant's assertion that his actions were in no way calculated," federal prosecutors said in court papers asking the judge to send Ellerman to prison for 24 months.

"Discipline for wrongdoing is important, but it is also important to create an environment so players can feel free to honestly and completely cooperate with this important investigation."

We all have jobs. Sometimes we don't put in much of an effort on a certain day. A lot of the time we get away with that behavior and there are no repercussions. But if you write sports for a living, a lot of people may read your stuff. At least that's the theory.

That brings us to the case of Jim Keller PA SportsTicker Baseball Editor who's latest tripe appears on Yahoo. I don't know Jim or Sports Ticker, which I find amazing based on the voluminous amount of time I spend in front of this monitor reading about baseball.

Here is the headline: Diamondbacks rookie Reynolds draws comparisons to McGwire

Lets see how Mark Reynolds compares to Mark McGwire.

1. They both have the first name Mark (Score one for similar)
2. They are both tall? Nope
3. Their brothers both suck at QB? Don't think so
4. They both appeared before congress and bitched up? Just one of them
5. Their Dad was Tommy John's dentist? Just McGwire
6. They both have Olympic gold medals? Just the red head.
7. They both play for the A's? in the American League? at the same position? at the same college? both 1st round draft picks? both drafted in high school by the Expos but decided to go to USC?

Well that's pretty similar to me. Jim I hope you keep your job at Sports Ticker because you wouldn't survive around here bringing crap like that to the table . We have people, serious fucking people, like The Intern, Hood*, Mr Delaware et al. who would pick apart your work until you just packed it in.

On Monday the WWLIS was all over the supposed failed drug test by Chris Henry. Here is how we covered the story on Monday amidst conflicting reports.

I would rather be right than first when it comes to news. Perhaps there was some opiates, perhaps not. Perhaps the WWLIS was going with the information they had. I do know one thing for sure, they won't say they got it wrong.

Stu Scott won't open SportsCenter with: "We are sorry we reported Chris Henry failed a drug test when it turns out the results of that test were negative. We reported our news second-hand without verifying the sources." That, you will not hear. Booyah indeed.

After being falsely accused of failing a drug test that could have ended his NFL career, Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was cleared Wednesday by the state of Kentucky.

I am neither a Chris Henry apologist (who could be) or a Bengals fan. My problem with this whole thing is sloppy reporting. Many "mainstream" media people criticize bloggers for not doing due diligence, fact checking or understanding journalism. It seems as though the Sports Frog has a better grasp on this than the WWLIS. And we don't even have an Ombudsman.

I will sit here and wait for the apology from ESPN. It might be sitting for quite some time. The last time I had to deal with ESPN it took them 8 months to send me a check, but that's another story.

I absolutely love baseball. Some people say baseball is boring. I know that those people just have simple minds. They cannot appreciate the pace, grace and nuances that comprise a baseball game. While I love baseball I am very concerned about the state of the game. Baseball has seemed to become an enabler of players bad behavior. The league and teams protect the players and fail to address serious issues as long as there is production on the field.

Our latest example is Elijah Dukes. I think Elijah has severe emotional and perhaps mental problems. He needs help and/or medication. I do no think that he will get that help from MLB.

If you are unfamiliar with Elijah's erratic behavior here are some examples:

• August 2, 2006 - Troubled prospect Elijah Dukes was suspended indefinitely by the Devil Rays on Tuesday and responded by telling Baseball America he was questioning whether he would continue to play baseball.

• The Hillsborough High graduate has misdemeanor arrests for battery and assault on his record. Multiple suspensions last season at Triple-A Durham prompted a team official there to say he was not welcome back.

• When Dukes was 12 years old, his father was convicted of second-degree murder. Since then, Dukes has been arrested on multiple occasions on misdemeanor charges ranging from operating an unregistered vehicle to assault. Dukes usually doesn't look to his past as an excuse for his behavior, but he does admit that the circumstances made him "a little angry."

And that brings us to today. Apparently Elijah became "a little angry" with his wife and threatened to kill her. In April he was banned from the property of the middle school she teaches at.

So is he a thug or does he need help? Should he be punished or counseled? As his employer MLB has the responsibility to get Dukes help. Will they? I doubt it.

First it was leaked that Chris Henry failed a court ordered drug test for opiates. Now he may not have. That hasn't stopped the WWLIS from reporting he has. From their site before they change it.

Suspended Bengals receiver Chris Henry failed a court-ordered drug test and will have to serve 88 days in jail.

Kenton County (Kentucky) Attorney Garry Edmondson said that Henry tested positive for opiates and he will be forced to serve jail time.

Henry's failed drug test was first reported by WKRC-TV in Cincinnati.

Now from the WKRC-TV website.

The Kenton County Attorney now says his office has conflicting information on drug test results involving Bengals receiver Chris Henry.

Earlier today, Garry Edmondson said Henry had failed a court-ordered drug test, adding that Henry tested positive for opiates.

Edmondson indicated it would force Henry to serve up to 88 days in the Kenton County jail.

Edmondson says one test came back negative. He says results of another test are pending. He would not say who told him the test was positive.

I would rather be right than first when it comes to news. Perhaps there was some opiates, perhaps not. Perhaps the WWLIS was going with the information they had. I do know one thing for sure, they won't say they got it wrong.

Stu Scott won't open SportsCenter with: "We are sorry we reported Chris Henry failed a drug test when it turns out the results of that test were negative. We reported our news second-hand without verifying the sources." That, you will not hear. Booyah indeed.

I swear to tell some truth, blah blah truth, and nothing but the [REDACTED] so help me G-d.

I had no idea that women's college golf could be so titillating. I just assumed it was a place for some lesbians to get a free college education and others to get their Mrs. because they couldn't make the tour.

Apparently it is a hot bed for lewd comments, inappropriate behavior and mediocre sex videos by the most vaginally social woman alive, Paris Hilton, at least at the University of Georgia. UGA indeed.

Todd McCorkle's sudden decision to resign as the women's golf coach at Georgia last week followed complaints from players about his inappropriate sexual comments and jokes, according to documents obtained Monday by The Associated Press.

McCorkle was said to have shared a sexually explicit Paris Hilton video from the Internet with the team. Players reported McCorkle shared remarks about bras and underwear color. Other comments were more explicit, referring to male anatomy. There was a mention by one player of inappropriate physical contact.

"He is randomly rubbing your back or flipping hair, or pat on butt -- and otherwise not think anything about it -- but with all the other stuff feels wrong," the unidentified player wrote.

The university's investigation began in April. Art Leon, the father of Georgia's top player, Taylor Leon, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution his complaints to Evans led to the investigation.

"I'm the person that initiated it," Leon told the paper. "He doesn't need to be a coach of women's golf anywhere. He got what he deserved."

Here is a link to the roster of the women's golf team which resides on the website Georgia Dogs. I can't make up shit like that.

"A former Steelers linebacker accused of pimping was jailed in Pittsburgh on Friday on a fugitive warrant issued in Nevada.

Richard Seigler, who was on the Steelers practice squad, appeared in Pittsburgh night court and was arraigned early Friday, hours after he was released from the team.

Seigler is facing three prostitution-related felonies, including pandering and living from the earnings of a prostitute."

I have not been too familiar with pimping since Antonio Fargas was playing "Huggy Bear" on Starsky and Hutch. And now his son is in the NFL. So I went to wikipedia to brush up on my "ho" knowledge, so I can take my turn schooling some bitches too.

First, as to business structure, pimps operate a multi-tiered business. There is even a series of pimp videos, produced by pimps themselves, that illustrate how the business should be run.

The pimps even recognize a hieracrchy among themselves. The least respected, or newer pimps, are the "popcorn pimps," "wanna-bes, and "hustlers." A pimp who uses violence and intimidation to control his prostitutes is called a "guerilla pimp," while those pimps that use psychological trickery to deceive the younger prostitutes into becoming hooked into the system are called "finesse pimps." Lastly, the successful and established pimps are called "players."

Roger Goddell was not available for comment as he was recovering from a few popped veins.

Really, this story isn't going away anytime soon. The fellow in handcuffs in that pic? Oreste Joseph Bruni, temporarily still the director of the emergency department at a Bethpage, Long Island Hospital. And allegedly the supplier of illegal steroids to a well-known gym that has some rather high profile athletes among its clientele. Interstingly, there appears to be a connection between that gym (Bev's Fitness) and some of the Balco folk.

This particular part of the story will unfold over weeks, not days, I suspect. And, again, at some point, we will start to hear some names.

Perhaps MLB should instruct George Mitchell to find the last remaining clean ballplayer so we can congratulate him.

Dog fighting is still reprehensible. Pretty much everyone is in agreement on that.

Sources close to Vick continue to put him with more than just passing knowledge of a dog fighting ring and activity associated therewith.

Falcons owner Arthur Blank has just given Vick a "stern" talking to. Quoth the Blank:

"I told him, 'You represent us as a franchise, you represent yourself as a person and you represent the NFL. It's not one single thing, it's a series of things, I'm not saying he's been directly involved, but in some cases he has been, and in some cases it's been the people around him. You're responsible for who you're with. You need to make some difficult choices and you need to make them now. I think you're at a critical point in your life."

Wow. Everything's fixed now. Nice job, Arthur Blank! (But why the need to be stern? I thought Vick had that awesome track record of honesty with Bobby Petrino?)

I am starting to think that there will be a suspension of some fairly significant length headed Vick's way. Which would make Matt Schaub's presence in Houston rather painful all of a sudden.

Something about this one doesn't feel right, though. The details:

"McNair was a passenger in his vehicle driven by a man identified as his brother-in-law, Capt. Richard Foley said. Under Tennessee law, the owner of the vehicle can be charged if he or she is the passenger when the driver is arrested on DUI charges. The owner can be charged even if he or she is not intoxicated, Foley said. It was not clear whether McNair was impaired. McNair's Dodge pickup was stopped just before midnight after police clocked it at 44 mph in a 30-mph zone five miles west of downtown Nashville. The vehicle was being driven by Jamie Cartwright, who identified himself to police as McNair's brother-in-law. Both were arrested and taken downtown. McNair was later released, Foley said."

Huh. I live in Tennessee. I am an attorney (although not a criminal defense attorney). And I had no idea about that particular twist in the law.

At any rate, that is technically McNair's second DUI charge. Given NFL commish Roger Goodell's raging hard-on to look like an enforcement bad-ass this off-season when it comes to off-field troubles, I would say the ball is in his court now...

Thanks to wlu-lax (swamp all-timer class) for the heads up and thread on this.

He's still being investigated. He still denies all. The murmurming from neighbors of the house in question in Virginia tells a lot of people his denials should be taken with a grain of salt. In the middle of all of this? His employers. And his new coach. Quoth the Bobby Petrino about his quarterback:

"Since I've been here, a couple of situations have come up. We've sat down and talked about them, and certainly his track record with me has been that he's told me the truth, so I'm going to believe in what Michael tells me."

Well. There you go. And how long, exactly, IS your track record with Mr. Vick? Two months? Three? Good luck with all that.

While we are here, if you have not already done so, check out the take on Vick's spring of discontent at Braves & Birds Blog (your only necessary stop for all things Atlanta sports). And, while you are there, spin around the other postings. They've been on fire.

Don't fuck with them. Just don't. Especially if you are in the illicit steroid distribution world.

That's my lesson learned in 2007. Who knew? At any rate, the same group of hard-charging agents who brought you the Florida steroid raids earlier this year (the ones where Gary Matthews' name popped up as a customer) have struck again, this time in Brooklyn. From the NY Daily News:

"The same Albany narcotics agents who led raids on Florida pharmacies and "anti-aging" clinics in February hit a mom-and-pop Brooklyn pharmacy yesterday - seizing what one official described as a "mother lode" of steroids and growth hormone. Investigators from the state Bureau of Narcotic Enforcement surprised the owners of Lowen's Compounding Pharmacy with a sudden inspection, carrying off about $200,000 worth of performance-enhancing drugs, almost all of which had been shipped from China, Albany County Assistant District Attorney Chris Baynes told the Daily News. Baynes said investigators took stacks of client papers, and he expects to find the names of professional athletes, as agents have in prior pharmacy raids."

Let the name leaking begin! I'll get the popcorn and meet everyone back here in a few days.

Sigh. Into what has been a relatively quiet off-the-field off-season of criminal activity for Cincinnati's professional football players, I have been watching a small story start to mushroom involving Chad Johnson. For reasons that I cannot begin to fathom, it appears he, in conjunction with a Funny Bone Comedy Club in Northern Kentucky engaged in a promotion some time ago wherein promises of significant giveaways to people in attendance were made. And, alleged prizes conferred. And then not actually, ya know, given. And it's really the GIVING of the alleged prizes that's key.

Especially if you want to avoid fraud charges in a civil suit. And avoid DAs sniffing around the whole business. And avoid putting your club in a position to note that there are two sides to the story. Whatever. Like there is a second side to a woman being told she had won a trip to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl (airfare and hotel w/ tix to the game), causing her to spend money on luggage and clothes for the trip, and then not actually being given the trip? I can't wait to hear THAT side of the story.

Someone, either the Funny Bone or Chad Johnson, needs to make it right, not just for that particular person, but every person who was there that night.

Believe it or not, the dork in this picture actually fooled three Pittsburgh area women into thinking he was a member of the Steelers. He went the backup-tightend route, then the backup-QB route, but once got a woman to believe he was Big Ben.

You are laughing, right? At the woman, probably. Who could be dumb enough to think that this schlub was the Super Bowl winning quarterback? Well, fairly simply, someone who doesn't give a pimple about football. Add in this:

According to courthouse officials, he knew more than enough about the Steelers to work a room with tales of the team. Those familiar with the case say he had an encyclopedic, nearly obsessive knowledge of the men he said he was: he knew where they were born, where they went to school, what they drove, the names of parents and wives and children and pets. And he could recall a player's TV highlights as if living inside the moments of another man's life.

If he can do that, what is the difference?

Here is what the Steeler impersonator has to say for his actions:

"If this happened in Las Vegas, it's just another day. But there's no news here except the Steelers; if a Steeler breaks a toenail, it¹s news. I was on every station from here to Texas. Thing is, I'm not really a big Steelers fan. If I had a favorite team, the Cowboys would be it. But this has turned me off to football."

Looking at him, I'm wondering how much ass he could get if he spilled some coffee on his tie, said some inane shit about travelling, and spoke longingly about Brett Favre.

Sacramento Kings star Ron Artest was sentenced Thursday in Placer Superior Court to 20 days in jail, 100 hours of community service, anger-management and fathering courses and three years of searchable probation.

It is almost certain Artest will not spend any more time in jail, however. Ten days of the sentence were stayed by the judge and Artest can apply to serve the other 10 days in a work release or similar program. Artest was credited with one day of jail time for the time he was incarcerated after his arrest.

The above is breaking news from the Sacramento Bee. What kind of name is that for a paper anyway?

Let's take a moment and wonder what it would be like if Ron had to go to jail for 20 days. How would he get along? Time for male bonding or head busting?

"Hey new guy, who are you," asks a rather beefy and heavily tattooed non-basketball fan.

"I'm Ron Artest, I'm a bad mother"

"Shut your mouth," interrupts the cell block C sissy, in falsetto.

As Artest checks out his surroundings, his new home for 20 days, beefy, tattooed guy asks, "So Ron, what makes you a bad mofo? What's you're rep? What have you done? How have you earned respect?"

Ron replies, "I am here for smacking my wife around. Bitch backed talked me so I boxed her out and threw some bows."

"We don't like wife-beaters in here, Fish," says beefy guy.

"Well I also had this rumble in Detroit once," replied Artest nervously.

The cell grew quiet as the scum of Sacramento waited anxiously for more information. "I was laying on the scorer's table," Ron continued, "and some guy threw a beer at me."

"Yeah those bottles can hurt," said some facially scarred individual.

"It was a plastic cup," answered Ron. The miscreants raised their eyebrows. "I was pissed. That fan challenged my manhood. So I went into the stands and put a beating on the guy."

"Did you fuck him up bad?," asked a shaking, jonesing crack addict.

"I didn't damage him at all. In fact it was the wrong guy. I let two poorly paid security guards pull me off," Ron answered.

"You aren't doing too well with us here Ron," said beefy guy. "Is there anything else you have done that would garner our respect?" ( I also doubt the usage of the word garner in the prison vocabulary, just go with it)

"I am also a rapper," said inmate Artest.

"No shit, I like rap," said one Ron's new friends. "Why not lay some lyrics on us?"

"Ok," said Ron, sweating like a Sidney Ponson in a sauna," here are some."

"I admit I used to smoke before games."

"Hit the liquor store at halftime."

"David Stern! Damn, David Stern. I gotta teach you bout the ghetto there's some things you should learn."

"Matt Lauer, up on NBC. You look like a girl don't talk to me."

"Hey Ron," said big beefy guy as he puts his arm around Ron's shoulder, "do you like gladiator movies?"

One of the few things this country has left to export is basketball players. Some are ugly Americans.

"WNBA player Deanna Jackson was arrested on an assault charge after slugging an opposing player in a parking lot following a game, and will not be allowed to leave Israel until after the Chicago Sky's preseason opener."

Ramle chairman Shmulik Levkovitz said the incident tarnished the championship game and the entire season.

"It leaves a bad taste in the mouth," he said. "With all the competitiveness of the game, we have never had any violence before. This was just so uncalled for."

And how often can you work Shmulik into a front page post?

SEO is for losers

Ex-Cincinnati Bengal linebacker Tom Dinkle (1978-1985) and sometime blowhard Cincy sportstalk host has a wife. That's her, pictured above. She is apparently a Hollywood make-up artist of some note, having worked on the Forrest Gump and Shawshank Redemption movies.

That was then. This is now. Now she is accused of third degree rape and third degree sodomy of a 15-year-old friend of her son. Sounds like some high school sophomore was getting himself a blow job and other assorted sexual favors from his friend's 51-year-old Mom. Over a period of four months. The police got involved after initially being called to the house to investigate allegations of alcohol being served to minors (a charge known in northern Kentucky as the Chris Henry). Looking back at here work on the Gump set? Probably explains her "Hump, Forrest, Hump" suggestion, changed slightly for the movie...

The Bengals are probably bracing themselves for Roger Goodell to use this against the franchise as well...

Swamper EdRomero started a thread this morning with a link to the following video that took place during the 7th inning of Monday's 11am start Red Sox game on Patriot's Day in Boston.






Make sure you read the Herald article that accompanied the link.

Sometimes comedy just writes itself. Ok, here is the background. Houston has a cell phone provided by the Arkansas athletic department. Or at least he used to. One enterprising fan used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain the cell phone records of Mr. Nutt. It seems as though Houston was a bad boy.

The picture is of Donna Bragg who has traded over a 1000 text messages with Nutt, one even 18 minutes before kickoff of a bowl game. The explanation is that the messages all were in regard to charity work. I guess that's what the kids are calling it now a days.

Additionally, Houston made some phone call to the North Carolina State athletic department shortly after they fired their coach. He was on the phone to the U after they Imus'ed Coker. Not too many calls or texts to recruits, but hey he's a busy guy.

Here is a 48 page pdf file with each and every detail from the phone bills.

Here is a break down of some of the high points on Journalism is for Rock Stars.

In Nutt's defense, there isn't a whole lot to do in Arkansas, but it's nothing to Bragg about.

The apology from the disgraced Durham prosecutor? Immediately rockets to the top five of all-time worst apologies (still doesn't reach the badness of Don Imus' initial apologies, but he has reaped his own whirlwind, making something right with the world this morning). Quoth the tool:

"To the extent that I made judgments that ultimately proved to be incorrect, I apologize to the three students that were wrongly accused."

I am not a criminal attorney, making my way in the legal world instead on the civil side. But I promise you, it isn't that his judgments ultimately proven incorrect that is what he should be apologizing for. Instead, it is for his unbelievable ethical breaches and what appears to have been outright deception to the attorneys for the accused that he should be apologizing for. Getting it wrong happens. Prosecutors drop charges all the time for a variety of reasons. But it took some horrendous ethical blindness in the Duke case to push it as far as it did. Shameful, on every level. But I guess apologizing for THAT isn't prudent right now, as I would imagine civil suits are coming. I will be rooting those civil plaintiff's attorneys on.

He says he didn't do it (assualt a contractor over a payment dispute). The police apparently investigated awhile back and didn't press charges. And now the civil suit has been filed (god bless my profession, it appears to be one of the quiet engines that drives this country).

Irvin's attorney calls it blackmail and has filed a countersuit alleging extortion, duress, and slander against Irvin's accuser. The disabled contractor's attorney says his client has passed a lie detector test regarding the incident.

Sounds like they can pretty much fast forward to picking a jury of their peers to sort this one out. I will give Michael Irvin points for some self-awareness for this statement:

"He later told The News that he believed prior indiscretions make him a target for frivolous charges. 'I truly understand this is a residual of my history,' he said. 'I can't do anything about it.'"

Some swamp discussion of this here. Drop by if you have a thought or two. Thanks to redarmy for the heads up on the above linked piece.

The taint of his espn days still lingers over that network, not to mention the Dan Patrick show, but I had happily been able to put him out of my mind since his firing.

Now this blurb from WFAA-TV in Dallas:

"Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin is facing accusations he assaulted a disabled contractor who was hired to install a fountain at his Plano home. Shawn Vandergrift filed a lawsuit Monday against Mr. Irvin in Denton County, claiming that the former player yelled at him and grabbed him during a December dispute over a final payment for the construction work."

Classy. As ever.

And if you were not clear before now, know that BYU will NOT tolerate water balloon shenanigans. Or, at least, angry reactions to water balloon shenanigans.

The story:

Football player's girlfriend hit with water balloon thrown from balcony of an apartment. Aggrieved football player and football player's football playing friend, decide to defend her honor, apparently impugned by the water-balloon, by finding the water-balloon tossers. The finding involved kicking in doors to locate the water-balloon tossers.

The players kicked in the wrong door.

Ooops.

As they finally kicked in the correct door, and were closing in on the water-balloon tossers (who had retreated to a back bedroom), the police arrived. The players and the wet girlfriend arrested and charged with burglary. The water balloon tossers charged with criminal mischief. And the BYU players suspended from spring football activities. BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall's statement about the suspension?

"This is a matter we take very seriously."

No fuckin' doubt. Because if these kinds of water-balloon shenanigans and reprisals thereto are not nipped in the bud, it's but a short stop to a career of shenanigans that might eventually lead the players to a pro career in Cincinnati...

The former NFL great quarterback, recent NFL Hall of Fame inductee and current analyst on Seahawks games for radio arrested for a DUI last night. Insert appropriate Bengals joke here.

The amusing part (not that DUI is funny, per se)? The write-up in the Seattle Times:

"Warren Moon, the former Huskies and Seahawks quarterback who was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in August, was arrested for drunken driving early Friday morning in Kirkland."

Yeah. Because when people think of Warren Moon's Hall of Fame career, his two years in Seattle in 1997 and 1998 are what IMMEDIATELY come to mind...

Hope former Chiefs quarterback Joe Montana keeps his nose out of trouble this off-season...

I am not going out of my way to criticize the Queen City. Personally I like the home of Proctor and Gamble. But they have been on a bad streak since hometown boy Ray Coombs Richard Jenied himself.

From Pete's wagers to Griffey's hammies to the Benagls arrests and now this, the last straw. The Mayor of the town, a post previously held by Jerry Springer, throws like a girl having a seizure. Please note that this man had previously gone to the stadium to practice so he would not be embarrassed.

And though I am not a fashion maven, I am not quite familiar with the jacket Eric Davis is wearing. Fortunately the Reds won the game.

You can add the University of Toledo to the dubious roster of schools tarnished by point shaving scandals.

Harvey "Scooter" McDougle was apparently recruited by a suburban Detroit man to affect the outcome of Toledo football games, with the involvement of some other -- as yet unidentified -- players. The players were treated to meals and other benefits at Greektown Casino in Detroit.

With Detroit's proximity to Toledo, it is probably the most important recruiting area for the football program. One of the reasons for Toledo's success in the MAC has been the ability to outrecruit the three Michigan MAC schools in Detroit.

The federal investigation is still not revealing all its cards, but before it is done the fallout could be wide-ranging at Toledo. A likely NCAA investigation to follow could result in a severe ban which could include the loss of several scholarships to a postseason ban.

(Perhaps most importantly, I wonder how many points are assigned for point shaving in the Fulmer Cup.)

There's a discussion underway in the Swamp.

It has been about a month since a former NBA player has come forth with a hate diatribe. This time coke head Micheal Ray has professed his hate for all things Jewish. From yarmulkes to gefilte fish, he has had enough. Could this have anything to do with David Stern (he's kinda, sorta Jewish) suspending Micheal Ray 83 times during his playing career?

Here are some of his comments:

"I've got big-time lawyers," Richardson said, according to the Times Union."I've got big-time Jew lawyers."

When told by the reporters that the comment could be offensive to people because it plays to the stereotype that Jews are crafty and shrewd, he responded with, "Are you kidding me? They are. They've got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty."

And he continued, "They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean?" he said. "Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people."

And then, of course, Micheal was suspended once again.

"It's terrible and I don't think it's fair," Richardson told the Times Union regarding the suspension. "But I want to make an apology if I offended anyone because that's not me."

Even though I am pretty crafty, I don't think adding any commentary is necessary. I will say I think the guy is getting high again and he will have to endure the struggle to stay clean, if that's what he wants. Suffice to say this will probably be the last we hear of Micheal Ray.

Four separate charges are being filed against Ron Artest by the local district attorney stemming from the incident between him and his wife.

1. Domestic battery
2. Corporal injury to a spouse
3. False imprisonment
4. Dissuading a witness from reporting a crime.

Four charges that have a maximum sentence of one year and are all misdemeanors. But we all know that, assuming he has a good lawyer, any jail time will be surprising. Now David Stern gets a chance to follow Roger Goodell's lead and float a rumor about being tough on the criminals in his employ.

The Swamp has me in a Python mood today.

No, this is not a post about Grady Little.

Tony La Russa was found at a traffic light, asleep at the wheel, last night. He was charged with misdemeanor DUI.

Now, for a Frog public service announcement: hire a car, get a cab, have a friend, hell, pass out on the floor wherever you are. There is no excuse for a DUI. None. Look, I drink as much as the next guy. OK, more. I have also been able to put myself in a position to have a ride or to stay where I am when I am drinking and I haven't got the resources that a guy like La Russa has. You think he couldn't have made a call and some Spring Training flunkie would have driven and picked his drunk ass up? With the jack he's probably making, he could have afforded a stretch hummer while getting a hummer and humming the tune to "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" and not been hurt in the wallet.

Seriously, watch out for yourself, because you're really watching out for others when you do.

More neandrathalism from what has to be James Dobson's favorite coach:

"Dungy told more than 700 people at the Indiana Family Institute's banquet that he agrees with that organization's position supporting a constitutional amendment that defines marriage as between one man and one woman.

'I appreciate the stance they're taking, and I embrace that stance,' Dungy said."

Good to know. My rooting interests in any game involving the Colts next year are simple, at this point. By the way, Dungy had more to say regarding his neandrathal views:

"IFI is saying what the Lord says. You can take that and make your decision on which way you want to be. I'm on the Lord's side."

and

"We're not anti- anything else. We're not trying to downgrade anyone else. But we're trying to promote the family -- family values the Lord's way."

Lovely. The G-d that Tony Dungy claims to know and interpret bears no resemblence to my sense of right and wrong provided me by the G-d I am most familiar with. And Dungy's version of the deity, that dead fucking certainty that bigotry is supported by said deity, has always scared the living shit out of me.

Isiah Thomas' words after John Amaechi's coming out stand in extraordinarily stark contrast to Dungy's religiously fueled ignorance.

I'm filing this one under "Bad Behavior" amongst our catetgories...

No, not literally. Although Peter King would probably like that.

How about a career equivalent? Or something close to it? Because that's what Don Banks says the signals from Roger Goodell's office are, namely that Jones is in line to be made an example for all of the NFL's legal problem childs. How so? An NFL suspension for Jones may be in the works, even before his latest legal issues in Las Vegas are resolved. Possibly up to a one-year suspension.

Oof.

That really would go a long way toward getting players' attention, I would imagine. If something like that comes to pass (and Banks says an announcement on it may be made within the next month or so), I wouldn't be surprised to see the Bengals take a wide receiver earlier in the draft than you might expect, as Chris Henry is one ill-timed sneeze in the wrong direction from joining Jones in the league's doghouse.

I wonder if the Titans will be going cornerback in the first round this year...

A drunk 18 year-old Spurs fan took a run and a swing at Frank Lampard at White Hart Lane. I guess Lampard reacted smartly by just ducking. If he had decked the guy, chaos might have ensued. But the jerk is getting off lightly in my book:

"The supporter ran on the pitch from the home section of the Park Lane End and threw a punch at Lampard that failed to connect. He was wrestled to the ground by Rui Faria, Chelsea's fitness coach, and subdued by Faria, Didier Drogba and John Terry before being held by stewards and arrested by police. Another fan, who emerged from the Chelsea section, was also among five fans arrested inside the ground on the night.

"The Spurs fan, an 18-year-old from Slough, will appear at Haringey Magistrates next week after being charged with encroaching onto the pitch. He will not be charged with attempted or actual assault. He has already been given a life ban from matches at White Hart Lane by the club. Spurs have also passed on details of the visiting fan to Chelsea who are expected to take similar action."

Word has it that Levi Jones also lost some jewelry in the altercation with Joey Porter the other night at The Palms. Seems that about seven people were involved in all. Goeff Hobson at Bengals.com sums it up best:

"The Bengals game against the Dolphins in Miami this season now has some hype".

This appears to be a case where Joey Porter needs to get shot in the ass again. Perhaps somebody from Levi Jones' crew can take care of that. Maybe Pacman Jones is available? He's been out of the news for a few weeks now.

That would be ex-Steeler and new Dolphin LB Joey Porter, apparently punching current Bengal tackle Levi Jones.

The complete story at this time (with the sparse details) from the Las Vegas Review Journal:

"A National Football League player was cited for misdemeanor battery after he punched a league rival in the face Sunday night at a gaming table in the Palms, Las Vegas police said.

"Apparently these two have a history with each other, a history of trash talking on the field," McMahill said. Jones was treated by medical personnel at the scene, McMahill said."

Great. On the one hand, I guess I am pleased that Levi Jones avoided being the latest Bengal to be cited/arrested in an off-season incident. On the other hand, sounds like Jones got his ass kicked. Which is distressingly similar to what happened whenever the Steelers would come to Paul Brown stadium for any game that mattered over the last few years. As for the "history of trash talking on the field", well, I think Porter fits that bill, while I have never heard that Jones is anything other than quiet when it comes to letting his play do the talking. Live and learn, I guess.

Musing on this further, it was at a "gaming table". Perhaps a sucker punch after Jones laughed when Porter lost a double down after a dealer made 21 with a six showing.

Hope Levi Jones doesn't own any pets. I believe Porter will now have to order his dogs to eat them.

Before Miller Park opened in April 2001, a plumbing contractor misconnected a pair of sewer pipes - one sanitary and one for storm water - and allowed human sewage from several private suites to flow into a storm sewer that empties into the Menomonee River south of I-94, an investigation found.

How foul must the Menomonee River be for this to have not been noticed for 5 baseball seasons? Then again with Milwaukee's attendance this could have only happened once or twice.

Below you will find the space devoted to our discussion of the Pete Rose 100% truthful relevation.

And now back to the year 2007.

The day before the tourney must be a slow day in the sports world allowing Gary Matthews, Jr., Tim Hardaway and Alex Rodriguez to capture headlines.

• Gary Matthews Jr. finally decided to break his vow of silence. A sterling example of abiding by the adage "thou does protest too loudly of thine innocence", GMJ stated: "I have never taken HGH -- during the 2004 season or any other time."

When I say stated, I mean stated. He did not give an interview, this was a statement given out by the team. I just wonder who wrote it.

• Meanwhile, Tim Hardaway says: " I don't hate gay people." I for one, wonder how far he is willing to go to prove this.

"... I'm looking for a second chance and trying to clean up my image. I haven't been in trouble with drugs or guns. I'm an upstanding citizen."

Just a hate-mongering homophobe. Hey Tim, don't pick up the soap in the shower.

• Finally, A-Rod says: "It's up to the fans." Okay, I am a Yankee fan. If it's up to me, go fuck yourself pretty boy. Go nuzzle Piniella's scrotum next year.

"It's a do or die situation." I agree Alex. And we know in the clutch, you won't do. I guess that leaves you one choice.

In summation. Three guys: Truth 0, Deception 3.

You're 35 years old. You've just gotten your first NFL coaching job. You haven't even had your first practice, and you get arrested in a police prostitution sting. Then you get fired.

That's gotta hurt, especially when you're married with two kids and you just moved to a new state. Richie Anderson's three dream dinner guests would be: "My wife, Muhammad Ali and Jesus Christ." I imagine he's going 0-for-3 these days.

Ken Whisenhunt making an early statement in Arizona. It will be interesting to see if he implements this zero-tolerance policy with his players.

There was an arrest and for a change it wasn't Pac-Man. Can you believe someone wanted to beat up and stab Mr. Jones? I can't either.

"Mr. Jones was here just trying to be a normal customer, trying to bowl" with several others, Franklin police detective Stephanie Cisco said, according to The Tennessean newspaper.

I like the part about "trying to be a normal customer", best.

Clayton Smith, 33, instigated the confrontation at the Franklin Family Entertainment Center when the dispute broke out, Cisco told the paper. Smith brandished a small pocket knife and "threatened to beat up Mr. Jones and to use the knife on him," Cisco said.

Jeff Fisher immediately stated he does not know Mr. Smith and did not pay him $5,000 in small unmarked bills to start the fight. I repeat, he does not know Mr. Smith and never met him late at night in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

It takes a lot to get me to write about women's college basketball, but this is truly a tale.

Pokey Chatman resigned as the head women's basketball coach at Louisiana State University on Wednesday after the university became aware of an alleged inappropriate sexual relationship between Chatman and a former player on Chatman's team, sources told ESPN.com.

In 2005, Chatman received a four-year contract extension that pays her close to $400,000 a year plus postseason bonuses ranging from $15,000 for making the NCAA Tournament to $70,000 for winning a national title.

Pokey? To me she seems a lot more Gumby.

Pac Man Jones, the Teflon Cornerback, is having trouble with his team. Or his team is having trouble with him or reading the paper, this website, or watching America's Most Wanted.

Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher said the team had no knowledge of two arrests involving cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones last year in Georgia -- a development that could allow the Titans and the NFL to suspend Jones without pay.

"The organization feels the need to be able to trust each other, its players, and once that trust is violated on a repeated basis, then one could come to their own conclusions," Fisher said, according to The Tennessean.

What does that statement mean Jeff? How many lies and or arrests is the Titans limit? I know you need some WR's and Rae Carrueth was only arrested once.

Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested Monday after a woman called 911 from his home saying she had been assaulted.

Placer County sheriff's deputies responded about 9:30 a.m. to Artest's five-acre estate in the Sacramento suburb of Loomis, where they found a woman who had suffered injuries, officials said. She declined medical attention.

Deputies arrested Artest on suspicion of domestic violence and using force or violence to prevent the woman from reporting a crime, sheriff's spokeswoman Dena Erwin said.

"He and the female were in the house and separated," Erwin said. "The deputies interviewed them and took Mr. Artest into custody."

Last month, county animal control officers seized Artest's Great Dane, Socks, from his home in a gated community about 25 miles northeast of Sacramento. They said the animal wasn't being fed. County records showed the NBA star had paid nearly $2,000 in boarding and impound fees for his dogs, which had spent 77 nights at the pound since July.

Tommy Lasorda, the beloved (by some) former Dodgers manager, has been accused of using a prostitute. This is not news to you, unless you've been living under a rock. But since all the headlines and stories are focusing on the salacious (gross) details, it's important to note that Lasorda denies everything and his lawyers are threatening legal action.

Interestingly enough, Lasorda says he probably won't sue, despite his denials that he ever paid for sex. And this is the conundrum for a celebrity done wrong. The fact that he is not suing her will raise eyebrows to the extent that many will believe he was involved with hookers. This is why, many years ago, Juwan Howard felt obliged to sue the woman who had accused him of doing bad things to her at a party. The court ruled in his favor. But you'd be hard-pressed to find an article on it.

P.S. Howard is no saint.

Now The Tennesean is running articles featuring his relatives dissing him:

"Everybody tries to talk to him," Robert Jones (an Uncle) said. "I do. His mother talks to him, his grandparents talk to him. ... I don't know, I just think he is out of control. I've told him I think he is out of damn control, but he doesn't want to hear it."

I think Mr. Don Henley and the Eagles said it best Pacman:

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

Because it's pretty damn clear you're going to die if you keep this up. People who find themselves perpetually in bad situations will eventually lose control of those situations.

Ah recruiting visits. The forbidden fruit for all of us slow, weak people. At any rate, apparently taking a page from how you used to get it done in Boulder, Colorado, the University of Cincinnati is investigating whether there was an 8-1 tag team on a willing female ex-soccer player during a recruiting weekend at some point in the last few months. What is the basis for thinking such a thing might have occurred? A tape. Which has apparently made its rounds (go figure) among various UC dormitories.

A quote on the potential shenanigans from UC football coah Brian Kelly:

"'If anything of the nature described in the allegations did occur', Kelly said, 'It's absolutely inappropriate behavior, period. End of discussion. ... That is pretty standard relative to student conduct or even appropriate human-being conduct.'"

Aw, come on Coach. Not appropriate human being conduct? THAT'S a little strong, don't you think?

At any rate, this pic from Kelly appears to show him demonstrating some of what the mind imagines was documented on that tape:

Some possible Swamp discussion of this developing (thanks to Swamper Zibby with a nice heads up on this story) here. Bring all of your gang bang stories there. Or, you know, what you imagine gang bangs must be like.

That doesn't sound very sanitary. As reported by Rotoworld:

"NFL Network's Adam Shefter reports that witnesses in Las Vegas have claimed that Pacman Jones was biting the ankle of the bouncer who wound up getting shot during a melee.

"That's not all. Jones was recovering from a previously unreported shoulder surgery and Shefter reports that the bouncer 'popped' Jones' shoulder while holding him in an arm lock. Jones reportedly left in a great deal of pain."

If this is true, Mike Tyson has some serious competition for Craziest Athlete on Earth. Because at this point, I feel like we may just be able to make up random phrases and put them together, and it would apply to the weird wild world of Pacman Jones.

UPDATE: Pacman Jones' lawyer is laughing at this report (original link). Hey lawyer, so is everyone else.

And Greg Louganis and Alvin Ailey and Francis Bacon (both of them) and George Takei and Sheryl Swoopes and Harvey Fierstein and of course John Amaechi. To say nothing of Boy Geroge or Elton John or Bruce Vilanch or Nathan Lane.

At the end of a radio interview on the Dan Le Betard show, Hardaway was about gay players in the NBA. Here are Tim's statements:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

When asked if he would accept an active player's coming out, such as that of retired NBA center John Amaechi, Hardaway replied: "First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team.

"And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that."

Hardaway later apologized for his remarks and then Mrs. O'Leary closed the barn door.

It wouldn't bother me to play basketball with someone who was gay. It would just really depend on how he posted me up.

We originally covered this when a lawsuit was fired against the California/Anaheim/Gardenia/Malibu/Los Angeles Angels for discrimination on Mother's Day. Turns out the guy suing and the lawyer representing him are two glorious bags of shit.

The Angels did not discriminate against men by providing free tote bags to women in a Mother's Day promotion, a judge ruled Thursday.

After he threw out the lawsuit, Orange County Superior Court Judge Jonathan Cannon threatened to penalize attorney Alfred Rava for "intentionally misleading the court" about previous cases in which he had represented Michael Cohn, the Los Angeles psychologist who sued the Angels.

Cohn claimed the giveaway in 2005 violated the Unruh Civil Rights Act and argued the Angels should be liable for $4,000 in damages, payable to each man who attended the game. Cannon said the state's Unruh Act is intended "to eliminate antisocial discriminatory practices, not to eliminate socially beneficial ones."

Said Cannon: "The reason behind the promotion was to promote Mother's Day, not to discriminate against men."

Said Angels attorney Bill Custer: "You can quibble about whether we should have sent somebody up to pinch-hit, but not about this." Bill Shearer, another Angels attorney, said he expected Rava to appeal.

Cannon warned Rava he could face sanctions for failing to disclose he'd represented Cohn in similar suits within the last five years. Cannon said he had discovered three such instances "in the last six to eight months."

Such sanctions could include a reprimand, fine or an order to pay the Angels' legal bills, said Sheldon Eisenberg, a Santa Monica lawyer not involved in the case. Those bills could top $100,000, according to a source familiar with the case.

The bags in question cost $1.45 each, according to documents filed by the Angels.

Rava has cited the Unruh Act in filing more than 40 suits, challenging among others the San Diego Padres for staging a women-only baseball clinic and Southland bars for "Ladies' Night" discounts.

The Angels distributed tote bags on Mother's Day last year but offered them to the first 25,000 fans, regardless of gender.

Reactions have ranged from over-the-top (predictibly, ESPN uber-blow hard Colin Cowherd and Skip Bayless, for whom drawing and quartering apparently would not be enough of a punishment) to far more sanguine about Saban's introducing mainstream America to the regional debate over "coonass" as an acceptable term for Cajuns. I remain firmly in the "Nick Saban should show a LOT better judgment camp", but, his punishment will come over the next year or two as he tries to recruit against people like Ed Orgeron and Les Miles in Louisiana's fertile football base. If it's really no big deal, Alabama should get their share of recruits. If they lose recruits, well, good.

At any rate, Scott Rabalais in the Baton Rouge Advocate with this note (read past the top note on the plight of LSU's men's basketball team):

"Some LSU fans are outraged. Some Cajuns are outraged. ESPN's Skip Bayless is outraged and called for Nick's job Thursday, but his neck veins bulge out 24-7. Frankly, and speaking not only as a writer but an LSU grad and a person of Cajun descent, this is a pot that boileth way over the top. Sure, Saban told a crude and crass story. He was trying to ingratiate himself with reporters in Alabama. Saban has to work overtime at being warm -- the man has all the personality of chain-link fence. But a show of hands please from anyone who never said something off color or improper and wished they could take it back. Here are, I think, two sound pieces of advice: For Nick, never try to tell a joke again. 'A priest, a preacher and a rabbi' -- just say no."

Well, it's not never tell a joke again. But Saban certainly needs to wake up to how public his position is now (head coach at Alabama in the circumstances it came about is more high profile than the Miami or LSU jobs were) and carefully weigh words. And that includes casual usages of terms that are potentially derogatory. And whatever the takes on "coonass", one very defensible take, from some Cajuns themselves, is that it is derogatory. So, it would seem, the better course of action is just don't.

By the way, the source of the distribution (he says unwitting) of the off-record off-the-cuff remarks has been suspended from covering the Super Bowl by his home paper. Then again, since it was a Miami Herald reporter, it's not like he's leaving the warm climes of Miami to head back to a frozen home in shame.

Get behind the wheel of a car. Turn it on. Put it in gear. Drive out in traffic.

The details are coming in from the run-the-red-light-and-broadside-a-person Andy Reid offspring incident (as opposed to the pull-a-gun-after-road-rage Andy Reid offspring incident), and they are less than ideal, at least as Reid's criminal and future civil defense attorneys are going to be concerned.

The relevant piece of the story:

"In a statement to police, the 23-year-old Garrett Reid said he had used heroin earlier in the day, admitted he was speeding at the time of the accident and said he did not know what color the traffic light was when he went through the intersection, according to the affidavit."

See, assuming a proper Miranda warning, that kind of honesty is going to be REAL hard to explain away when counsel gets hired. Real hard.

Some chatter developing here (ToTheBank all over this) on the Reid children and their respective bad choices. Anything fresh to add? Drop by with a thought or two.

The Eagles' coaches kids had themselves quite a night Tuesday night.

Kid number 1, 24-year-old Garrett, got in an accident last night where he ran a red light "at a high rate of speed" and broad-sided a car, seriously injuring the driver. The complicating factor was that the dreaded "drug paraphanelia" was found on Reid.

That probably ordinarily would have been at the top of a bad-things-involving-Andy Reid-off-spring list for a night, except that Garrett was one-upped by his younger brother, Britt. What did Britt do? Well, it appears he succumbed to road rage. His Michael Douglas in Falling Down moment? Well:

"Britt Reid was in an argument about which driver had been in the proper lane, police said. He allegedly approached the victim's car yelling, then returned to his vehicle and got a handgun. He then pointed it directly at the victim and smiled, according to an affidavit of probable cause. He then drove away, but the victim noted his license plate number and reported it to police, according to the affidavit. The vehicle was registered to Andy Reid and his wife, Tammy."

Sounds like someones gonna get a cold Andy Reid stare for the next short while.

Channeling his inner Gary Myers, Chargers strong safety Terrence Kiel was cited for urinating in public last month, his second run-in with the law in less than three months and the eighth by a San Diego player since April.

The Bengals are still proudly in the lead with 9 arrests. President Mike Brown said, "now that Chris Henry is a free man, I do not anticipate it will be long before we land that elusive tenth arrest."

Maxim, bless them, gave her an online video and photo shoot. Apparently, she really hates the Eagles because her legal name appears to be "F-ck Da Eagles Heather." Now that is a fan.

There is an entire gallery of 29 pictures dedicated to her, including my personal favorite, "F-ck Jeff Feagles." This will no doubt serve as inspiration to legions of other women across the country at sporting events for years to come.

Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, is proposing a sweeping mandatory random testing program in public schools for steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.( I say that's a pretty safe position since he cannot actually write a bill. I propose a lot of shit too, but none of it becomes law.)

"Many schools would say they have a bigger problem with alcohol and other drugs," said Charles Breithaupt, athletic director for the University Interscholastic League, the governing body for Texas public school sports. "A lot of them think this is a local issue and way below the radar."

Texas lawmakers began the current legislative session with a $14.3 billion budget surplus for the next two years. A random sampling of 30,000 students, about 4 percent of athletes statewide, at $200 each would cost about $6 million.

Well they have to find something to spend the surplus on. Propse a tax break? Save for a rainy day? Ha

Chris Henry successfully completed his two day county jail stay and slipped out the back, jack into a black Escalade. He had pled guilty to liquering up some teens in his Kentucky hotel room. I had no idea that was illegal in Kentucky. Ok on to the serious stuff.

The judge and prosecutor spent hours patting themselves and each other for their tough stand on crime.

"You embarrassed yourself," Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus told Henry. "You embarrassed a lot of people, teammates, friends and family, the city, the fans and myself."

Grothaus gave Henry a 90-day sentence, and suspended all but two days. Prosecutor Ken Easterling wanted Henry to spend some time in jail.

"Looking at his history and the amount of times he's gone before other courts and not gotten jail time, the reason we sought jail time was to send a very clear message to him that this is going to be the response every time you get in trouble in our community," Easterling said. "So I hope, as the judge indicated, that he gets the message."

Yeah that will teach him. He finally gets punished with two days in jail and speeches to junior-high and high school kids. Maybe Chris can nab some digits while he's at the schools.

A Mets fan who impersonated a reporter last season was fined $1,000 on Tuesday and ordered to stay away from Mets home games for the next three years.

Ryan Leli, 18, forged a press pass to get into the visiting clubhouse last season in order to interview Mike Piazza , the former Mets catcher who played for the Padres in 2006. Leli's questions and request for a picture with Piazza got him ejected from the clubhouse.

He was arrested a week later when he tried to use the pass to enter the press entrance for a game against the Rockies.

Ok so we probably won't see Ryan at any Mensa meetings anytime soon either. But what would it take to impersonate a member of the press? What qualities would you need to possess to pull off this stunt?

• Don't ever attend any game, but maintain a strong opinion regardless of facts. (Jay Mariotti)

• Be under 5'6" (Costas, Ken Rosenthal, John Clayton, Mike Lupica, Mitch Albom)

• Be rather rotund and spend most of your time at the clubhouse spread. (Whitlock, Bill Conlin, Peter King)

• Wear a horrible hairpiece (Skip Bayless, Marv Albert, Ron Santo)

• Be loud, angry and have no salient points (Steven A. Smith)

• Wax poetically of how the game used to be played while pronouncing the names of the players in the game incorrectly. (Tim McCarver)

Jonathan Joseph, coming off his rookie season, arrested in Kentucky on possession of marijuana charges. Maybe he should have gotten himself one of those Ron Mexico sanctioned oregano-hiding water bottles.

Insert your own Bengals joke here. Oh, wait. Joseph IS a Bengals player. And a damn promising one. Plenty of talent, and apparently only a casual regard for the law. He's perfect in orange and black. Insert your own sun rises in the east joke here then.

Head here to the Bengals off-season arrest thread (the Swamp was ready and waiting) if you have fresh material to add. Thanks to swamper bensell for the heads up.

This is a bi-partisan rant filled with equal amounts of piss and vinegar for both sides of the aisle. In a feverent effort to waste more taxpayer dollars two bills were introduced this week in the house.

House Resolution 39, which commended "the University of Florida Gators for their victory in the 2006 Bowl Championship Series (BCS) and for winning the national college football championship."

House Resolution 43, a bill that commended "the Boise State University Broncos football team for winning the 2007 Fiesta Bowl and completing an undefeated season," passed by a vote of 415-0 on Tuesday.

Fuck you for mocking the American people that voted you into office. Perhaps next week we can have a resolution stating: Water is wet. Get on your job, fuckos.

Thank you Mike Vick, for inadvertantly giving a heads up to all your fans who have wondered about how to get a small amount of drugs through airport security nowadays. From yahoo sports, the apparent steps:

1. Get a water bottle with a hidden compartment behind the bottle's label

2. Put your drugs in the bottle

3. Send the bottle through security

4. Act cool so as not to arouse suspicion while doing so.

Apparently Mr. Mexico fucked up part four, as "his initial reluctance to turn over the bottle aroused suspicion among airport security screeners". Stupid is as stupid does, Mr. Mexico. In any event, the screeners, now on heightened alert, found "a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana". Damn that wonderful dark particulate and its pungent aroma. Damn it to hell. At any rate, the feds are examining that dark particulate at a lab and Vick ain't returning phone calls.

Note to Vick: at least one swamper reports accidentally leaving a small stash of pot in their shoe and sending it through the security screener with no problems and nothing being detected in the shoe. Just sayin'...

Thanks to swamper blundercrush for the heads up on this story and the thread in the Swamp here.

I present this morning Elijah Dukes of the Tampa Devil Rays. He was arrested Monday in Tampa for possession of pot. It's noteworthy, because that is his sixth arrest since 2003 (insert your own Chris Henry/Bengals reference). Tampa, reading from a well-worn Bengals style script had this to say:

"We appreciate the seriousness of this incident, but the Devil Rays organization will not make any further comment while this remains a pending legal matter."

As for what got Dukes noticed by the police this time around? Loud music. From the Tampa Tribune:

"Police said the loud thump of music caused them to stop Dukes' 2006 Dodge Charger at East 21st Avenue and North 29th Street in Tampa about 6 p.m. Officers measured that they heard the music from 117 feet away, Tampa police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said. Playing music in a vehicle that is audible from 25 feet away is a violation of city ordinance, she said. 'They could hear the car coming because of the music,' she said. As the officers approached the car, they smelled marijuana and requested a drug-detecting dog, which also alerted them to drugs in the vehicle, McElroy said. Police found less than 2 grams of marijuana in the center console, she said. At one point, Dukes said to the officers, 'Are you really going to arrest me over a little sack of weed?' according to McElroy."

Apparently they were. Cops are pretty consistent that way.

At any rate, Dukes' problems don't arise just off the field, he was also suspended on five separate occasions by the Rays last year for various run-ins with teammates and coaches. The last such suspension began in August and lasted the remainder of the minor league season. Still, as we know to be a universal truth, crazy talent will find its way to second (and third, fourth, fifth, etc. etc. etc.) chances, and the Rays had put Dukes on their 40-man roster in November. I am guessing this latest issue won't cause them to re-think that (he had a .488 slugging percentage and .401 OBP in just 283 AAA at-bats last year between suspensions). But there is no way they can really count on Dukes to be there when it counts, either.

A summary of the allegations, in early morning very amatuer prose:

Jane Roe 1 and Jane Roe 2
say Junior Seau is a cad and a fool
A moment at a bar that began with an air of expectation
ends with drinks tossed upon them with abject irritation
for which say the bar going pair
they are entited to damages in the thousands, something they think certainly fair.

The most interesting part of the story? The allegation that Seau, prior to throwing two glasses of wine upon the persons of Jane Roe 1 and Jane Roe 2, uttered "repeated female specific profanities" about their bodies. The wind wanders. Was it:

Cuntmuppets?
Smelly cooters?
Droopy titties?

At any rate, Seau (through attorney) denies all, and says there are two sides to this story. I certainly hope so. A slow start to the crimes and misdemeanors portion of the NFL off-season is making pithy blogging harder than it was this time last year.

...of Barry's little helper, and it helps him on his way, gets him through his busy day...

Kudos to the NY Daily News for however it came across the news that the Head, in a tribute to the era of his dad, apparently failed an amphetimines test last year. And, staying true to who he is, blamed it on a teammate:

"But according to several sources, when first informed by the MLB Players Association of the positive test, Bonds attributed it to a substance he had taken from the locker of teammate Mark Sweeney. Sources did not identify the drug in question but characterized it as a serious stimulant....Sweeney declined comment, but his agent, Barry Axelrod, told The News, 'Mark was made aware of the fact that his name had been brought up, but he did not give Barry Bonds anything and there was nothing he could have given Barry Bonds.'"

Well. Guess Mark Sweeney is the latest in a long line (near infinite I would imagine) of teammates who would probably just as soon the Head get run over by a thresher before he has to see him again.

What a drag it is, getting old.

The Swamp's resident French Guy all over this story in our overnite, but his morning hours in Europe with a thread here. Drop by with a thought or three.

Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Travis Taylor was arrested early Monday outside a downtown Minneapolis nightclub, hours after the team's season-ending 41-21 loss to St. Louis, police said.

Taylor, 27, had refused an officer's request that he get into a waiting limousine-bus as police tried to disperse a large, unruly crowd so an ambulance could get through around 2:30 a.m., police spokesman Lt. Amelia Huffman said. (Insert Bengal's joke here)

Taylor was not allowing the bus to leave and began pushing the officer as the officer tried to separate him from the bus, Huffman said. The officer eventually used a Taser to subdue Taylor, she said.

This is very odd. Usually all it takes to subdue Taylor is footsteps.

From our intrepid Boxing scribe/Doctor, howard in nyc:

Mike Tyson takes another stumble to his inexorable sad end, arrested for DUI in Scottsdale, Arizona early this morning. The only surprise is that he had kept a relative low profile lately, with the judicial system.

Because Iron Mike is the last boxer with the skill, electrifying ring presence and charisma to command the interest and attention of the sporting public, he continues to fascinate. What many fail to remember is he was not always a despised and/or pitied figure.

Way back when, before Robin Givens/Ruth Roper, before the evil clutches of Don King, Mike was a beloved character; a fighter who would viciously destroy an opponent, then help the guy up and hug him. He was polite and clever with the press, he even had national endorsement contracts.

The mythology is when trainer Cus D'amato died, Mike was left without the father figure who turned him from a life of crime to a life of discipline and respect for the rules of society. Cus was gone, but trainer Kevin Rooney, assistant trainer and close friend Steve Lott, manager and financial adviser Bill Cayton were still there, and had always put Mike's interest ahead of their own.

Cayton had set up an annuity, funded by Tyson's early championship defenses, to provide an annual payment, protected from any future bankruptcy, tax or other leins and levies and to insure Mike's financial security.

The day after their wedding, Givens (with mom Roper) was in the bank president's office, demanding "my money." Mike chose her, and later King; they counseled Mike on the evils of white people, who weren't trustworthy. Mike chose to believe them; from there it has been all downhill.

Sometimes you just can't get a minute of peace. Being a ballplayer is like being a comic, people recognize you all the time and always want something from you. It is the bane of my existence, but fame has its price. This time the price seems to be $50,000.

A Montgomery County man has filed a lawsuit against Atlanta Braves star Chipper Jones, alleging that he was hurt and suffered emotional distress in a brief scuffle that began when he reportedly taunted the ballplayer.

Stephen M. Cohen of East Norriton contends that Jones inflicted an "illegal, outrageous and violent assault" on him at the Hyatt Regency hotel at Penn's Landing at 11:30 a.m. Sept. 3. He seeks more than $50,000 in damages.

I was just at Joe's Stone Crab a couple of weeks ago for dinner (I suggest the stone crabs) and then toured South Beach. It was early in the evening so not too much was going on, so we went north to Lincoln Road which was much more interesting. Then again I am getting old.

So what if you were young? Say you are cruising South Beach in your black Bentley at 4:00am, you're a little drunk and you really have to pee. The sound of the ocean makes the feeling even worse. There isn't a 7-11 around. There is a big litter box though. Makes sense to me. Made sense to Dontrelle Willis too. (Mugshot included) At least he was smart enough to refuse the breatholyzer.

I have often wondered if players derive much benefit from their relationships with their agents. There have even been some players that negotiated their contracts without the benefit of an agent. Imagine that. Here's another reason not to hire an agent.

David Dright, 38, faces 27 counts of identity theft involving "ordinary people" who live in Lake County outside Chicago, said Patricia Fix, chief deputy of the high-tech crime unit for the Lake County state's attorney's office.

Fix said a search of Dright's home Tuesday turned up personal information on retired and current ball players, including Chicago's Thome and New York's Alou. He's suspected of stealing the identities of almost 90 players, Lake County authorities said.

The information apparently came from trash bins outside Northbrook, Ill.-based SFX Baseball Inc., a sports agency headed by Pat Rooney and Fern Cuza that represents major and minor league players.

Dright allegedly went into trash bins outside SFX and took the personal information, Fix said. Evidence was found inside Dright's apartment after another man complained that Dright stole his identity, she said.

Channeling his inner Kermit Washington, Carmelo Anthony threw a sucker punch. Watching from home, Rudy Tomjanovich had flashbacks and was found in a fetal ball. This time no jaws were broken, but the record for suspensions might be. 'Melo is currently leading the league in scoring, but that won't last long.

For the first time in NBA history all ten players on the court were thrown out of the game. Isiah Thomas addressed the media after the game and was full of whimsical, disjointed and incoherent statements.

Video is available on the main page of the WWLIS.

Discuss here in the Swamp. Don't just lurk, get in there sign up and make your voice heard.

The right wrist and forearm inflammation that sidelined Joel Zumaya for three games of the American League Championship Series was not consistent with a baseball injury, said the experts. What in the world could it be ?

Something bizarre ? Like John Smoltz ironing his shirt, while he was wearing it ? Like Carlos Zambrano spending 8 hours emailing his brother ? Like Jeff Kent at the car wash ? Inquiring minds want to know. Well it was bizarre. Like any young man with lots of time and money, Zumaya plays video games. Not just any video games either. Zumaya is a budding Wayman Tisdale or Bernie Williams. Joel is a Guitar Hero.

Bill Simmons knocked out a fine NFL column this week, and, in writing on the Bengals, dropped these thoughts:

"Now that we have that settled -- what about seven Bengals players getting arrested out of 53? That's 13 percent of the team! Imagine if 13 percent of your office or classroom had been arrested in the past few months? Can they get to 10 before the end of the season? You figure with holiday parties coming, that's good for one DUI. And the holidays bring visitors and family members, which usually brings trouble, so that's good for some sort of incident at a party or a club. So we only need one more wild-card arrest -- something harmless like speeding and attempting to evade an officer, or shoplifting a Christmas present of something -- and then we'll be at 10. Now that would be something. Ten Bengals arrested in one year? We'll be telling our grandkids about that one. Keep your fingers crossed."

Absolutely prescient.

Bill, Deltha O'Neal has your back.

Um, Mike Brown? Might I suggest a full-time alcohol awareness counselor be added to the staff? Off the top of my head, of the Bengals' seemingly endless list of arrests, a majority of them in the last few years have been alcohol and driving issues. From memory, Justin Smith, Eric Steinbach (boating), Odell Thurman (that one bought him his one year vacation), one of Chris Henry's arrests, and now this one. I think there have been others. They are all starting to run together.

Hey, if it's good enough for the major news sources, it's good enough for us. We did an image google search for "brazil catfight" and nothing relations, er related, came up. Instead, here's a picture of a handebol official signaling something. Considering the description of the fight below, I'm sure she used this at some point. This from Reuters:

Brazilian women handball players threw punches and pulled each others' hair in a brawl that forced a national championship semifinal to be abandoned.

"Television pictures showed lumps of hair on the court after the match between Metodista and Guarulhos, played Thursday night in Sao Bernardo on the outskirts of Sao Paulo.

"Trouble broke out for the first time with five minutes left when two players began arguing after a foul. Others joined in and a fight broke out but play eventually resumed with six players sent to the sin bin.

"A more serious brawl erupted in the last minute when a Guarulhos player pulled an opponent's hair, pushed her in the back and then slapped her in the face.

"The other player replied with a punch in the face, initiating another brawl which involved players, substitutes and officials, who traded kicks and punches.

"The referees abandoned the match due to lack of security."

Here's the link to the Handelbol league's official website.

Alas, a thorough search of the Interweb couldn't provide the goodness of visually seeing Michael Vick giving his own fans the bird, but I assure you it happened.

The best I can do is show you Michael Vick definitively NOT flipping off Drew Brees. If Vick should be flipping off anyone, it would be his wide receivers. Talk about a bunch of stiffs.

Ultimately, life will go on in Atlanta. Vick will be levied a fine which he won't ever miss and all 100 Falcons fans will get over being the target of their franchise quarterback's misplaced aggression.

UPDATE: Kudos to the Swamp's EdRomero for coming through with a pic (though grainy, it's not his fault).