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…which would mean the Cardinals (and Ravens) are massively hosed today.

Bengals fall in their re-match. Eagles get thumped in their re-match. Phil Sheridan in the Philly Inquirer not feeling Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb this morning. In Cincinnati, Paul Dagherty in the Enquirer jumping fast into the growing Carson Palmer ain’t all that bus.

As for me? Eh. I’ve said repeatedly that the Bengals’ year far out-stripped any reasonable expectations I had. I would have dearly loved for them to find a way to win yesterday to stop that stupid have-not-won-a-playoff-game-in-19 years thing, but when you play as flatline dumb as they did against a good football team, losses happen.

As for what ails the Bengals offense, it is not Carson Palmer. Start with the offensive coordinator and a receiving corp behind Chad Johnson that is decidedly not good. Both of those things are fixable. Good organizations fix such things. We shall see if the Bengals have decided to finally be a good organization.

Sigh.

On a team that went about as far as it could with a reeeallll thin margin for error, two turnovers by the offense and two what-the-fuck field goal misses from Shayne Graham were killers.

Jets 24-14 and the better team.

Shayne Graham. At least they won’t put the franchise tag on him this off-season again. I would hope.

Blech.

Four rematches on the slate for the upcoming Wild Card weekend, and three of them just happened yesterday. And the ones that happened yesterday were all legit blowouts. So, what does that portend for next week? Who the eff knows? If you are a Bengals fan (mauled 37-0), Cardinals fan (mauled 33-7) or Eagles fan (mauled 24-0), you better hope it is not a harbinger and that there were good reasons for the drubbings.

And if you are the Patriots facing a white hot Ravens team without Wes Welker, well, sitting starters might have made some sense, no? At any rate, the chattering class have this to say:

—Don Banks on si.com with Snap Judgments and this:

Kind of hard to take the Bengals seriously in the AFC playoffs field after their 37-0 debacle in the Meadowlands. Marvin Lewis made it pretty clear that his team’s goal in the second half of the season was to play its way onto the NBC Sunday Night Football flex schedule, but I’m guessing even Cincinnati’s head coach would admit his club wasn’t ready for prime time against the Jets.

New York’s got a legit defense, but the Bengals set offensive football back at least a couple decades with that showing. Cincy hasn’t been explosive on offense all season, but before Sunday night, it had at least found ways to move the ball. Carson Palmer played well into the third quarter, and finished with one completion in 11 attempts, for zero yards and interception. The Bengals finished with 72 yards of offense, with five first downs and zero passing yards.

Of the three rematches in the first round of the playoffs next weekend, I’d say the Bengals (10-6) turning right around and beating New York (9-7) next Saturday afternoon at Paul Brown Stadium is the most unlikely of all scenarios. The Jets are going to the Queen City with a world of confidence, and the feeling that they’re already playing with house money by even making the postseason. It wouldn’t shock me if New York blew out the Bengals again, this time on the road.

I don’t think the Jets are a strong threat to beat anyone else in the AFC field, but the Bengals clearly are their best matchup. That much was proven in vivid detail. Cincy has one and done written all over it, and making matters worse, it’s facing a short week of work to close a very sizable gap between itself and New York.

That all makes a lot of sense. Bengals fans (say, me) have to hope that Marvin Lewis was being cagey and the Bengals were pure vanilla last night and that the return of missing starters Domato Peko, Robert Geathers and Chris Crocker on defense will make a difference sizable enough to close what appeared to be a cavernous gap last night. You also have to hope that the Bengals will actually try this upcoming weekend, because they sure appeared to mail it in early last night. At any rate, a season of close calls that depended on health and luck may have finally caught up with the Bengals. I sure would like to see them squeeze one more win out of it and end that stupid have-not-won-a-playoff-game since 1990 thing, but it doesn’t look good this morning.

—Clark Judge at sportsline.com with Judgements and this:

The New England Patriots are in deep kimchi, and it’s not just because of that report that has Tom Brady with three broken ribs. It’s because they just lost their leading receiver and because they can’t win on the road. Without Wes Welker, the Patriots were 1-2 … that is, if you include Sunday’s loss, which I do. Now they get to find out where they stand without him again, and good luck with Julian Edelman. But let’s say they win their first-round game. Well, then, they’re still toast. They must go on the road, where they were 2-6 — with one of those victories in London.

Players on playoff teams lost to injuries yesterday in largely meaningless games? Wes Welker, Dominque Rodgers-Cromatrie, Charles Woodson, and Pat Sims (Bengals d-tackle). Roger Goodell can kiss various parts of my anatomy with his concern over teams resting starters late in the season after they have clinched playoff spots. The Colts are at least relatively healthy heading into the playoffs, a bunch of other teams can only wish the same were true for them.

—John Clayton on espn.com with Last Call and this:

Broncos coach Josh McDaniels faces a long, turbulent offseason after losing eight of his last 10 games, including Sunday’s 44-24 loss to the Chiefs, and missing the playoffs. McDaniels was hired for his brilliant offensive mind, but the offense wasn’t as explosive with Kyle Orton replacing the traded Jay Cutler.

Yes. For all the fun of Denver’s magical 6-0 start, I would imagine that any lingering good feelings from that are gone among the fanbase. And should be.

As for whatever is left of my thoughts, ntyc, here they are:

—I am always impressed when coaches of teams dead-in-the-water keep them playing hard to the end of the season. Probably because I have had ample opportunity to see that in action (or not in action) so much in the last two decades as a Bengals fan. At any rate, congrats to Tom Cable, Todd Haley and Eric Mangini in Oakland, KC, and Cleveland for the efforts they got from their teams in the last month of the season. That’s not easy to do. Just ask Jim Mora up in Seattle…

—The Bills need to order snowstorms for all their home games starting in late October. Damn that was pretty to watch in HD.

—The Eagles’ collapse yesterday was massively puzzling, given what they had to play for. It sure makes Dallas seem very dangerous all of a sudden on the flip side.

I will go ahead and make my seat of the pants Super Bowl guess through bleary eyes this morning:

Colts v. Cowboys.

Manning ends up winning his second.

He’s apparently in the fold, or about to be. Marvin Lewis says that Johnson is fully aware that he will be inactive most gamedays unless Ced Benson, Bernard Scott or Brian Leonard can’t go. If so, and if Johnson is on board with that, truly on board, it is a good signing. That’s a cheap insurance policy against having the season derailed over a late injury. The first bet is that Johnson can accept that role (scout team back, sitting on Sundays).

The other bet is that the locker room is strong enough to bring Johnson into the fabric without causing a ripple. We’ll see. It IS a strong locker room, the strongest I have seen in Cincy since the 80s, but this is a bit of a tester. Especially since his facebook page had this last night:

On Monday night, LJ posted this on his Facebook page: “Gonna gallop all over the Chiefs. Cleat prints on the chests. Mud in the face masks.”

He also acknowledged his potential next destination in a Twitter post, which references Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco: “Me and Ocho Cinco!?!? ‘Come on Son!!!!’”

Marvin Lewis met with him face to face twice. Hope Marvin has a good read on this. The move makes football sense, but it comes with risk. The Bengals were already full up with “crazy” with Chad Johnson. Their crazy now potentially runs over.

We shall see.

The Saints and Colts grind toward perfection. The Texans once again come up painfully close to joining the kids at the big boy table. The Giants lose the cover of the Yankees. The Packers continue their passive aggressive quest to see Aaron Rodgers maimed. On to the national types:

—Don Banks, per usual, to the head of the class with this thought amongst many others in Snap Judgments at si.com:

I’m starting to think Carson Palmer owns the Ravens. He’s now 8-3 in his career against Baltimore, and the Bengals quarterback looks like he’d love to play the Ravens every week. No fear. No hesitancy. Just execution. Palmer was even better than his 20-of-33, 224-yard day would indicate.

Hey, thanks for belatedly noticing, Don Banks. Coming into yet another week where for some reason that kind of seemingly pertinent stat was widely ignored, under Palmer, yes, the Bengals have been very tough against the Ravens. I am kinda hoping that might be remembered when those teams take the field again in 2010. When Palmer is healthy, the Bengals have a chance against most any team in the league. As for Ced Benson’s continued resurgence? His second 100+ yard day of the season against Baltimore makes him the first back to do that against the Ravens in a season since Jerome Bettis in 1997.

—Clark Judge at sportsline with Judgements and this thought:

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Tom Coughlin says he was “misunderstood” when he termed his team’s meeting with San Diego a “one-game season.” If you take that stand, then lose — which the Giants did — what does it mean for what follows? It means you’re toast, which is why Coughlin sought to clarify those remarks.

He did what now? I missed that quote heading into Sunday’s game. Good luck spinning that in the aftermath. As for the loss, Coughlin and his offensive coordinator earned it. 1st and goal from the four with a three point lead and two minutes to go, and three uninspired play calls later they settled for a field goal. One, you may want to throw it there. Two, the we-pound-you-regardless meme took a hit when they couldn’t pound it in while not throwing it. And that against a Chargers front who has not been all that stout this year. The heat in NY will be high today. As it should be.

—John Clayon at espn.com with Last Call and this note:

The Wildcat seems to have run its course in Miami. The formation is effective at times, but it doesn’t produce victories. The novelty is over. The Dolphins lost to the Patriots 27-17, and once again, the Patriots contained the Wildcat. The Dolphins tried to confuse the Patriots by putting quarterback Pat White in an option formation. That worked for 52 yards on four plays — including a touchdown — in the first half. In the second half, it produced 8 yards on four plays. Over the past three weeks, defenses have found ways to keep up with the Dolphins’ imagination. The Dolphins’ worst moment of Sunday’s loss came on a second-and-8 at the Patriots’ 44. Quarterback Chad Henne was split out at wide receiver. Ronnie Brown took a direct snap and got the ball to Henne, who was sacked for an 11-yard loss, which put Miami out of field goal range with the Patriots leading 24-17.

The problem with the Wildcat is that it takes a quarterback out of his rhythm when he’s being shuttled between quarterback, wide receiver and the bench. Henne was 19-of-34 for 219 yards and two sacks. The NFL is a game dominated by quarterbacks who get into a rhythm. The Dolphins continue to lose to those types of quarterbacks. Tom Brady was 25-of-32 for 332 yards. The Dolphins are 3-5. It’s time to rethink the strategy. To win against the good teams and the good quarterbacks, the Dolphins need more than a running game that revolves around the Wildcat.

I don’t know that I agree with this. In fact, I don’t. How were the losses to the Colts and Saints late the fault of that offense? Seems to me that the Wildcat helps mask some real deficiancies in Miami’s receiving corp and gives them a chance to win games they might otherwise not. Hell, even while shoveling dirt on the offense, Clayton notes it got Miami to a score early. Miami wants to fix what ails it? Start with their defense.

Vinny Iyer at Sporting News with his Checkdown column and this note:

Fresh off their second loss to Brett Favre and the Vikings, the Packers couldn’t hold a 10-point fourth-quarter lead and lost to the previously winless Buccaneers by 10. For Aaron Rodgers, sacks continue to be a problem, and Green Bay’s poor protection boosted Tampa’s struggling defensive line. After allowing six more sacks, the Packers are on pace for yielding 74. On defense, they have produced only 13.

Packers fans want to be mad at Ted Thompson? Go right ahead. But make sure the focus of the anger is targeted correctly. Keeping Aaron Rodgers and making him quarterback? The right move. Although points off for trying to control the end of Favre’s career. Putting the line from Unneccessary Roughness in front of Rodgers to block? Simply cruel. With games left at Pittsburgh and home to Baltimore, Rodgers may have traction in his future.

Bucky Brooks at nfl.com with capsule looks at each game including this:

The inability to stop the deep pass continues to undermine the Chiefs’ chances of winning. Kansas City allowed Mike Sims-Walker and Jarett Dillard to slip behind the defense on bombs. Sims-Walker, in particular, delivered two game-changing plays (a 61-yard touchdown reception and a 45-yard catch-and-run) that helped the Jaguars jump out to a 24-6 lead that was ultimately too much for the Chiefs to overcome. The Chiefs have allowed a league-worst 12 completions over 40 yards this season and rank as one of the worst pass defenses. Until defenders stop allowing balls to fly over their heads, Kansas City will continue to have a tough time winning against top teams.

Perhaps. Seems to me that all that little problem needs is a motivational poster…

As for my thoughts, trademarked n.t.y.c., read on:

—Tough ending to what started out as a good day for Matt Stafford, but there remains no question in my mind that Detroit is finally off the quarterback merry-go-round. They have theirs. And if he can stay on the field for these last eight games, he will get the valuable learning season out of the way and Detroit can start to focus their rebuild elsewhere. Like defense.

—Hey! Vince Young! Or, perhaps, more correctly, hey! Chris Johnson! No shock to me that with consistent carries to Johnson the Titans have won two in a row. Young has managed a nice game, but Tennessee’s puzzling refusal to consistently build offensive gameplans around Johnson cost them games in their six-game slide to start the season. At the least, it didn’t help. I still am befuddled over Johnson’s just getting nine carries when Tennessee faced Indy earlier this year. At any rate, focusing on Johnson is a good way to help fix what was ailing the Titans.

—Andy Reid clearly owns David Akers on his fantasy squad. And, as a fellow Akers owner, I am glad he does. Kicking a 52-yard field goal when down by seven with four minutes left in the game rather than trying to get the tying touchdown? Great moments in fantasy entrant. And a dumbass moment in real life coaching entrant.

—One more Bengals note (because I can reminder), the key to their defensive resurgence has been the maturation of the two former first round corners Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph. The ability to leave your corners on an island is a wonderful thing. And, in case you have not noticed, and you probably have not, Leon Hall is crossing over to shutdown corner status. He should be in Hawaii (er, South Beach) this year.

—If Pittsburgh takes care of Denver tonight, we have a race again all of a sudden in the AFC West. A Broncos loss would put them at 6-2 just one game ahead of the Chargers with a return game to Denver for the Chargers looming. And it says here that Pittsburgh wins tonight, 21-10.

Who’s who:

Mike Brown: The cheap/evil/incompetent bastardly owner/gm of the Cincinnati Bengals.

Whodey Revolution: A small but determined group of Bengals fans trying to force change on Mike Brown, something akin to forcing the sun to stop rising in the east, but, hey, it’s their nickel. So far in their “project mayhem” of trying to force change on Mike Brown they have sprung for billboards, enlisted help to put 1000 urinal cakes with unkind messages on them in Paul Brown Stadium urinals, and, of late, hired a guy to fly banners over Cincinnati Bengals training camp.

The Pilot: The guy flying the plane in the picture above.

For reasons Bengal-related, I am certain, Hard Knocks has not shown the banners during their coverage of Bengals training camp. Since Cincy gets a say in what gets shown, I would guess this is not a coincidence. At any rate, the banners have flown the following messages:

1. “I can only see one scout from here!”

2. “$458,000,000 to build PBS = 0 Playoff Wins”

3. “101-187-1: HIRE A GM!”

4. “When is training camp for the front office?”

So, not brilliant, but, hey, what do you really have room to put on a banner behind a plane? At any rate, I have always viewed Whodey Revolution with bemusement. If it makes them happy to tilt at windmills, then have at it. But no amount of pressure is going to make Mike Brown do anything he doesn’t want to do. In fact, it will probably make him dig in and do the opposite. He really is an obstinate and uncaring son of a bitch. The only change that Bengals fans can really hope for is that something will be done differently in terms of running the organization when Brown dies. And, he doesn’t appear all that near death in the Hard Knocks footage, so it’s going to be awhile.

At any rate, I mention all of that as background to this note from Cincinnati Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty in his blog at the Enquirer:

The pilot who towed the WhoDeyRevolution banners deriding Mike Brown at training camp is being targeted by the FAA, he says, at the Bengals insistence. The guy believes he’ll lose his “authorization to tow.” He has had to pay his attorney to defend himself. Does anyone else believe this to be The Crock of the Day?

Brown is known for ordering security lackeys to tear down “negative” banners during home games. Heaven forbid that a paying fan base should express its displeasure with the worst franchise in the loop the last 18 years. Forget, for a second, that PBS is a publicly owned and financed facility, where the tenant should not be allowed to remove signage that isn’t obscene or over-the-top personal. Now, he wants to control the airspace as well. Back in the day, he pressured WLW to take A. Furman off Sunday morning Sportstalk, for telling fans not to buy tickets. In other words, Mike’s a big Kill the Messenger man.

Now, Daugherty is a bit of a tool himself, and has had a personal axe to grind with the Bengals for some years. And there are no quotes there, but let’s assume for a second that he’s got this right, and that the Bengals are indeed pressuring the FAA to find a way to revoke the pilot’s license for allowing himself to be hired to fly the aforementioned banners. Frankly, given that it’s Mike Brown, it is all to believable.

And, if so, that’s, well, that’s just sad. Even for Mike Brown. The amazing thing is, on some level, he must care what people think about him if he is really taking this kind of underhanded and full blown human loser of a step to stop discontent from being shown. He won’t take steps to fix the rot that he has engendered in the team, but he also wants to tamp down the discontent such neglect nurtures?

He might be a psychopath. Or at least bi-polar. Or perhaps he really is evil. Or just a scumbag. Or all of those. Or none. I long since have made my peace with the futility of pondering on why Mike Brown is the way he is. Or why fate put him in charge of the team I grew up loving, and that he might act in such a bastardly manner when coming into that position.

At any rate, because one small group of fans is tilting at windmills in trying to get a crazy man to change how he does business, a local pilot may lose his livelihood, if Paul Daugherty has his story right. Glad Mike Brown has time for such shenanigans. It’s not like he has a first round draft pick to sign or some such…

The karma that surrounds the Bengals? Shit-infused toxic, per usual.

The ratings from Week 1 of Hard Knocks are in:

Nielsen Media Research reports that the HBO television network experienced significant ratings increases, compared to 2008, with the premiere episode of “Hard Knocks ’09: Training Camp with the Cincinnati Bengals.”

The Aug. 12 telecast at 10 p.m. EDT delivered a 1.66 national household rating and 533,000 national household impressions. Compared to 2008, when the Dallas Cowboys were featured on Hard Knocks, the premiere episode was up 28 percent in household rating and 35 percent in household impressions.

The premiere Bengals episode was especially strong among the key demographic of males ages 25-to-54, delivering a 1.99 coverage rating and 383,000 impressions. The rating in this group topped the 2008 premiere by 43 percent, and the impressions showed a 50 percent gain.

The ratings numbers above do not include replays of the show, which air eight-to-10 times weekly.

Jon & Kate Plus Eight are getting massive ratings too…

Week two of the accident scene viewing is tonight at 10:00.

…according to Dan Patrick, Jay Glazer is reporting that the Cincinnati Bengals also stepped up and wanted Vick. And had offered a contract.

I will take a moment to let you all grieve with me over the loss of Mike Vick’s re-entry to the NFL occurring with the circus that is the Bengals organization and the Hard Knocks cameras.

Damn.

Quick thoughts from this horrified and bemused Bengals fan:

—The Bengals employ a weeble wobble to inform players they are being cut. Interesting. Do they think that will soften the blow?

—Marvin Lewis’ explanation of what the lame slogan “fight back” means was perilously close to looking like a remake of a scene from The Office. In fact, he appeared to be unintentionally channeling Michael Scott.

—As much as I want to loathe Chad Johnson, I still find him funny. A maddening player.

—Mike Brown. Sigh. It is one thing to know he is the owner/gm, it was another to actually see that played out. The scenes of him talking the staff through personnel decisions were painful. As geep said (erstwhile front page poster) as we watched it, Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum. I kept waiting for him to pull out a medicine ball and invite someone to take the pain train. His speech to the team to open camp was lame, and he really does suck the life out of a room. The poor position coach who had to explain why Brown’s idea to move a defensive player to tight end was lame was a visual lesson in what discomfort looks like.

So, to recap, the Bengals employ a living weeble wobble to cut players, Mike Brown is, indeed, at the heart of what ails the franchise – and that won’t change until he dies, and Marvin Lewis is Michael Scott.

Let the winning begin.

Of course they do. Was there ever any doubt?

Character. It’s all about character for Mike Brown. In that he would prefer his players not have any. Otherwise, how can he Redeem them? Brown’s nickname ought to be “The Redeemer”. Because that’s how he sees himself.

It’s a little known fact that George Frederic Handel’s The Messiah was not about Jesus Christ, but presaged the coming of Mike Brown, who embodies the “I Know that my Redeemer Liveth” ethos for Tank Johnson, Chris Henry, Chad Johnson and innumerable other wayward NFL souls.

Mike Brown. Saving NFL souls. One soul at a time. Losing NFL games. One game at a time. Since 1991.