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It is just about as bad as you can imagine for a town. The brief rundown:

1. King of the sports scene is Memphis Tigers basketball. Which is currently fighting the NCAA to retain the right to keep a banner flying from their choke against Kansas a few years back. And is dealing with the aftermath of John Calipari. And that’s the good part.

2. Memphis Grizzlies. Well. Yeah. Hasheem Thabeet broke his jaw on Zach Randolph’s head last night. Seriously.

3. Memphis Tigers football. Always the last in interest, in no small part because they generally suck. And even when they don’t (Deangelo Williams years), not enough of a vision to build on his competence.

It is that last part that has Memphis on the 24-hour sports cycles at the moment, as pieces of fired coach Tommy West’s rather on-point rant are getting air play from ESPN. West, among other items, told the Memphis administration to either support the program or give it up. And, he’s right. The Tigers have among the worst practice facilities in the country for an alleged big-time program and play in the off-campus crypt that is the Liberty Bowl. A few years back when some of the big money donors who actually care about the campus and the program came up with a reasonable plan for a genuine on-campus stadium of the appropriate size (35,000 – 40,000), the Memphis President and AD went out of their way to kill the idea. Why? I have no clue. Few do. Incompetence? Laziness?

At any rate, Memphis still retains RC Johnson as their AD. He was last seen fucking up the end of the John Calipari era, fucking up the handling of the NCAA investigation into Derrick Rose, bumbling through the hiring of Calipari’s replacement, is now tasked with replacing West and articulating a vision for the program. And he is woefully overmatched. Why? Incompetence? Laziness? The theme returns. Be that as it may, Johnson has provided one of the truly comical moments you could ever hope to get from a bumbling fool, after he followed West to the podium following West’s rant. I will let Geoff Calkins, Memphis Commercial Appeal columnist pick up the thread:

That’s right. West said Memphis should do away with the program rather than continue it as it has been. Wonder how that is going to play with potential candidates to replace him? Or with the guy who preceded him at the lectern? If West came out in favor of massive changes, RC Johnson seemed to prefer — you sitting down for this? — more of the same. He didn’t outline a larger vision for the program. He didn’t say he planned to change anything but the coach. “I shared with him I wanted our program to go in a different direction,” Johnson said. “What direction?” came the natural follow-up. “I don’t know if there’s a specific that I can give you,” he said. Is anyone out there surprised? Johnson didn’t say he had a plan to transform facilities. He didn’t say he understood Memphis would have to be much more aggressive in the coming years. He said, “I think this is a good situation.” Er, why? “I just think being in a populated area gives us a head start on some people,” he said. Riiight. Because big cities are known for their college football teams.

“We have a great airport,” Johnson continued.

Yes, indeed, he really said that. Coaches can’t take private planes to get recruits, see. So Memphis is going to put its dramatic airport-advantage to work. Let Tennessee and Ole Miss show recruits their indoor practice fields, massive scoreboards and on-campus stadiums. The new Memphis coach can show them Terminal B. “And if you come play at Memphis, young man, you, too can smoke cigarettes at Maggie O’Shea’s!” It was pathetic, honestly. It’s the reason West gave the speech he gave.

That’s just pure wonderful. The airport. It is the Memphis airport that makes the one of the worst jobs in college football attractive. And you know what’s even better? The Memphis airport sucks. Truly.

The incompetence and laziness from RC Johnson, it burns. It burns bad. At the least, the airport bizarreness has unleashed the funny in a lot of people. Peter Edmiston, co-host of the Memphis sportstalk morning show on 560 WHBQ had a series of tweets in the aftermath of that which were choice, including this:

During the toughest times in my life, there were only one set of footprints – because #memphisairport had been carrying me all along.

Heh.

As for Memphis football, Memphis basketball, Memphis “pro” basketball, well, beyond sad. A wasteland of despair and pain.

Never happened.

Which is a relief.

The lambs, they can finally stop screaming for me. As Calipari never called the timeout because, as it turns out, that final game never happened. As Mario Chalmers never hit a three to finish the Kansas comeback/Memphis choke because, well, that final game never happened.

So I got that going for me.

Thanks, NCAA!

While we’re here, is this outcome before the NCAA different if the letters on the Memphis jersey were to read, I don’t know, Kansas? Because your 2007/08 National Champs played that game and were hugely assisted in their comeback (of the game that didn’t happen) by Darrell Arthur, who, it turns out, was ineligible to play for Kansas because he never technically graduated from high school. But, hey, because it’s Kansas, that’s no big deal, right NCAA?

At any rate, it all didn’t happen. John Calipari collects seasons that didn’t happen like I collect pounds.

This also means you cannot use Memphis for an answer to a Swampcrash, unless you can. I am still confused. Apparently the NCAA’s re-writing history is treated differently than the IOC’s re-writing history…

…major NCAA violations. Allegations anyway.

And no, no one is surprised. At least they shouldn’t be. The details from the Memphis Commercial Appeal:

The University of Memphis is in the process of responding to an NCAA notice of allegations charging the men’s basketball program with major violations during the 2007-08 season under John Calipari.

The allegations include “knowing fraudulence or misconduct” on an SAT exam by a player on the 2007-08 team. The wording of the report seems to indicate the player in question only competed during the 2007-08 season and specifically the 2008 NCAA tournament. The player’s name was redacted in the report, obtained by The Commercial Appeal through the Freedom of Information Act, due to privacy laws. The player has subsequently denied the charge, according to university personnel. The only player on the roster who competed only during that season was Derrick Rose, who subsequently was the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft last June. If proven to be true, the Tigers could be forced to forfeit their NCAA-record 38 victories and Final Four appearance.

The report does not include allegations of lack of institutional control, meaning Memphis would likely avoid serious penalties that would have an impact on the program going forward. The report includes no allegations that would have occurred during the tenure of Josh Pastner, either as an assistant or head coach.

It was fun while it lasted. This would make it 100% of Calipari’s Final Four teams whose seasons “didn’t happen”. Perhaps the third time will be the charm in Kentucky and their Final Four appearance next year will stay on the books.

Or not.

Some discussion unfolding in the Swamp. Drop by with a thought or two.

Subtle, Memphis Commercial Appeal. Very subtle. From that publication:

—A fairly comprehensive timeline of the good and bad, on and off court, from Calipari’s extremely successful nine years in Memphis

—Commercial Appeal columnist Geoff Calkins with some relevant words, including these:

“It’s those people who are the angriest and most disappointed today. It’s those people who were the most desperate for Calipari to stay. Because they believed the fictions. They’re reacting with the fury of the betrayed. But the Calipari they now revile – and they do revile him, with almost frightening intensity — is no different than the Calipari they adored for so many years. He’s a basketball coach. A highly gifted basketball coach who will do wonders for you as long as your interests align with his. For nine years, Calipari’s interests and Memphis’s interests were identical. In the last few days, that changed. So Calipari relentlessly watched out for his interests, of course. If that means Memphis will be a Conference USA bottom-feeder next year, well, that’s the kind of price the guy has always been willing to pay.

And, in fairness, that’s the price/chance Memphis was willing to pay. Rational people in Memphis know that, and are making their peace with the shell of a program (maybe four players will remain, and no recruits at this point in time – finishing out of last in the shitty C-USA may be a challenge) that is left upon Calipari’s departure. The less rational were holding a vigil outside Calipari’s house yesterday. Seriously. Some were crying. Dudes. It was, um, embarrassing. If they thought that was sad, wait til they see what Memphis puts on the court next year. The Grizzlies will actually have the most talented team in the city again next fall. First time in awhile. Actually, several Y pick-up games in and around the city will feature more talent than the Tigers as well.

Meanwhile, down in Lexington, joy in the fanbase (at least a large portion of them). In the Lexington Herald, two views:

—John Clay on the hopes and dreams of UK nation with this hire made.

—Mark Story takes the cynical hard-edged view of Calipari’s hire, chronicling exhaustively all of the smoke (and some fire) that has surrounded Calipari since UMass. Story ends his piece with this question:

Back then, Dr. Todd, you talked often about being the president who was going to end UK’s cycle of one major sports scandal a decade. Is the hire you are about to make consistent with that goal? Kentucky’s choice isn’t hire John Calipari or never win big again. There are several coaches who I believe are available right now — Sean Miller; Travis Ford; maybe Thad Matta or even the best coach in the country, Tom Izzo — who are capable of winning at Kentucky at the level UK wants to win. No, Dr. Todd, the question here is whether Kentucky is back to trying to win at all costs or whether it is going to try to win with honor. If it’s the latter, Dr. Todd, can you really hire John Calipari?

Well there is that. I can only say, as a follower/fan of the Memphis program, and as we have discussed extensively in this thread in the Swamp, you have to be comfortable with some “shade” when it comes to having Calipari as your coach. He is tight with the shadowy part of the AAU world. He has no reservations about hiring the dad of a desired recruit. He is somewhat morally flexible when it comes to discipline of his players. None of that is against NCAA rules (or different than what a whole bunch of coaches/programs do). But it does make people justifiably uncomfortable, and there will be discomfort in general as long as he is with the program. But, damn, he wins. A lot. And as long as he does that at Kentucky, and the “shade” doesn’t drift over to outright paying of players etc., I am guessing UK’s administration will go to bed happy at night.

As for me, I may be 38, well out of shape and short, but, hey, I have not used any collegiate eligibility. Time to go work on my jumpshot and enroll part-time at the University of Memphis. I think I can get some run next fall.

With apologies to the departed Pushing Daisies, the facts are these:

1. Plenty of sources are saying that John Calipari and Kentucky officials have a “mutual interest” in talking to each other;

2. Kentucky has not asked Memphis for permission to talk to Calipari. Yet.

3. Some Memphis fans will seize on number two as proof that this is all hooey. Delusion is fun.

4. There are zero reasons that Calipari should not talk to Memphis, and many several millions why he should. Oh, and Kentucky is just s l i g h t l y more prestigious than Memphis. Which is not to slag on my adopted town’s program. It just ain’t Kentucky. Few programs are.

5. That said, Geoff Calkins in the Commercial Appeal plays counter-point, noting that there is nothing Calipari can accomplish at Kentucky that he can’t at Memphis, and that talking to Kentucky gives Calipari the juice he needs for another sweet contract re-do in Memphis. Maybe.

That’s the lay of the land from Memphis this morning. And I have seen enough of these go down, up close and from afar, to know that it is not worth breathlessly paying attention to, as certain of the Tigers and Wildcat fanbases will. There are tons of legitimate reasons for Calipari and Kentucky to woo each other, and just as many reasons for him to take the job if offered. There are nearly as many reasons for Calipari to pitch and receive woo and stay put.

In the end, whatever it is that decides things for Calipari and UK, one way or another, will be legitimate and there is nothing, really, that anyone can do or say about it.

What can be said, from having watched Calipari run the program here in Memphis for the much of the last decade, is that UK would be lucky to have him. For all of the reputation that preceded him to Memphis, and the used car salesman image he projects, he has been a tireless promoter of the university and the program from day one. He has delivered on everything he has promised. He said he would make Memphis a national program again, and he did. He said he would win recruiting battles, and he has. He said he would graduate players, and, once again, he has. A large percentage of them. He has been an outstanding bench coach, and a steadfast champion for his players. There have been times when he has appeared too forgiving of individual transgressions, but that’s a flaw he shares with a lot of coaches. And, I suspect, that loyalty helps him when he is in the recruiting process. And he has developed players of varying high school pedigrees be as good as they can be on the court and go on to the NBA.

Kentucky would be lucky to have him, and Memphis has been lucky to be on the ride they have with John Calipari. There will never be another period of time where Memphis has this kind of sustained success, should Calipari move on. And being ground zero to a “those were the years” time in a program has been fun. If Kentucky does the smart thing, they will find a way to get Cal to relocate to Lexington. They, and their fanbase, will not be disappointed.