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You want to watch.

(insert “get your popcorn ready” quote here)

That, of course, is the well known acronym for “not in my back yard”. It refers to the general concept that, all things being equal, homeowners and residents don’t want, say, toxic waste dumps, nuclear reactors, strip clubs, landfills, etc. to be located in their community. And, to that list, we can now add Terrell Owens. Per Owens’ tweeting, we find he’s hit a bit of a snag in his search for suitable digs in Buffalo:

“They didn’t want me to rent this spot because of the extra or added attention that I may bring,” said Owens, who was informed of the news after a real estate agent and his bodyguard viewed the property. Referring to his real estate agent, Owens added, “In her words, she said, ‘Drama.’ I thought it was funny.”

Perhaps assurances that his days of press conferences while performing sit-ups in the driveway are over would be a help…

The wounded-little-boy one. Quoth one aspect of Terrell Owens:

“You hear all the speculation, and you talk to the owner of the team, and he reassures you, you’re not going anywhere and then, out of left-field … you get blindsided,” Owens, 35, said in an interview with Rogers Sportsnet, to be broadcast tomorrow evening.

“I know whole-heartedly he [Jerry Jones] wanted me there,” Owens said. “There were some people I know who got in his ear that pressured him to make that decision. For that, it’s sad. You let two or three people conspire to get me out of the situation.“

Yes. That sounds EXACTLY like Jerry Jones, always being swayed by others. Or not. At any rate, quoth Jerry Jones in return:

“I don’t have anything to say, but we have a great relationship,” Jones said. “I’m sorry we didn’t get this year in on the contract, but I don’t have any pointed comment to what he said that there were people within the organization that didn’t want him here. I read the substance of [the comments]. Bottom line is I don’t really have any comments.“

Damn. That’s not what would Shaq do. Jones and Owens, in happier times:

It might help Buffalo’s message if Dick Jauron didn’t look like a hostage.

At any rate, quoth the Jauron on his, um, “present”:

“I heard it from many sources, many credible sources: People have never or very seldom been around anybody that works as hard at his craft as this guy,” Jauron said Wednesday. “So that in and of itself is a big positive for us. We’re a hard working team as it is. We’ll become a harder working team. I think he’ll be a good example for a lot of our younger players in how he prepares and certainly once again, his stats speak for themselves.”

Yes. He’s a peach. That’s why he was sent packing from his third team two weeks ago.

“If you think that emotional outbursts don’t occur on every sideline every Sunday, you’re sadly mistaken,” Jauron said. “They do. Between coaches and players, between players and players. To the degree he’s had them? Maybe. Do they get the publicity he gets? No, because of his success as a player, his abilities as a player and obviously to the degree of the disturbance on the sideline at times and how prominent the people that are involved in them are. So, they happen all of the time in our business on the practice field, on game day, in the locker room, and they’re national events when he’s concerned,” Jauron said. “If and when they arise—and we hope they don’t— we’ll deal with them. We’ll deal with them just like we try to deal with every player when they occur.”

It’s true. Back in the day, seldom a week went by where Andre Reed wasn’t calling out Jim Kelly on the sidelines during games. Oh, wait. It didn’t? I have no idea how Buffalo thinks they have handled “outbursts” on the sidelines during games in the recent past, but whatever it was, it ain’t gonna fly now. Owens crazy.

Now for the pod people coach quote:

“We talked about what we thought about it,” Jauron said. “And we felt the same way. It’s something we should seriously look into. Clearly, we didn’t play well enough last year to make the playoffs. So what are you looking for as a football coach? . . . You’re looking to better your team. It didn’t take the four of us long at all to come to the conclusion that we need to push this fast,” Jauron said.

Yes. Better your team. Which meant Dallas was trying to make their team worse? Or could it be that for whatever talent it is that Owens has left, he just isn’t worth it when you factor in shenanigans? Or are three other organizations dead wrong on that point? To review, Dallas paid a $10 million dollar penalty against the cap to get him out of Dallas. So, yeah, the Bills are better. Good luck with that.

At the least, Jauron said what he had to. Just like a hostage reading a prepared statement.

Jerry Sullivan in the Buffalo News spins himself into the ground to support the, um, “unusual” move:

You know what, though? I love it. Once I recovered from the initial shock, I realized it was the most interesting thing to happen to the Bills since they acquired Drew Bledsoe in 2002. All right, so that didn’t turn out so well in the long run. And yes, this is a desperate move, a sure sign that Jauron, the embattled head coach, needs to win this year and will do anything necessary to get there.

But what the heck. At least they’re willing to try something bold and daring. A lot of Bills fans have grown weary of following a team without a real pulse or personality, a team without any distinguishable star power, a franchise that hasn’t shot for the moon very often since the Super Bowl years.

Well, no one can say that now. You can’t accuse the Bills of being unwilling to sign big-name players, or take a chance on a player with a sketchy history. Owens might be the biggest name of them all right now, a fading superstar who still has the talent and charisma to dominate the American sports pages for days at a time.

So that’s the upside for Buffalo? Best case, the circus has come to town and its something to do?

I know the arguments that will be made for this on the football field. You don’t have to look far to see the defense, defense, defense of the move. It all boils down to the note that Owens is less crazy in his first year with a new club, and that he and Lee Evans will be dangerous in combination. Which they should, in theory.

And yet, no matter how much Bills fans will hope for the best (as they should, everything they are telling themselves this morning is what any fan would have been trying to tell themselves this morning should they be sentenced, involuntarily, to the circus), there remains this.

He crazy. Bat-sh*t crazy. It’s not an act. He carries with him as unstable (er, multiple) a set of personalities as you could hope to find outside of a murder mystery at the local cineplex. The “good Owens” personality showed up yesterday in Buffalo for his presser. Charming, humble, saying the right things about his stay in Dallas and his teammates. Who wouldn’t want that? Problem is, that particular personality doesn’t ever seem to stay long enough, we get crying Owens, or manic Owens, or quarterback killer Owens, and, above all else, I am not getting the effin’ ball enough Owens (okay, I am stretching it with that last you tube video, but hey, everyone thinks they are an internet star). All those personalities show up at least as often as “good Owens”. All come to Buffalo, lurking below the surface. Trent Edwards may be saying the right things (what choice does he have?), but Owens is three for three in getting in his quarterbacks heads. Hard to see why this will be different.

At any rate, enjoy the show everyone. It will be a lot more fun for non-Bills fans, but the circus cares not for their discomfort.

Last year the Buffalo Bills ranked 20th with 206.4 yards per game passing. As any fantasy owner can tell you owning Lee Evans has always been a constant source of heartburn. Also rookie WR James Hardy is coming off of knee surgery. With Owens on board Evans should put up better numbers and there should be some relief for Marshawn Lynch.

I don’t just mean taking pressure off of Lynch on the field only, but also off the field too, as Marshawn is going for the all-time NFL arrest record. Additionally, if the Bills really do want to move to Toronto this may just be the thing to get them thrown out of town.

The Bills didn’t give up a player or a draft pick for the quagmire that is TO, they have just ordered a few extra cases of Mylanta for the coaches. Trent Edwards has to be happy, that is until TO questions his sexuality. At least this year we were able to avoid  “press” conferences of TO preening in his driveway, while Rosenhaus waxed poetically about the mixture of Einstein, Mother Teresa and Jerry Rice, that is the package known as TO.

Owens to the Bills for one year and $6.5 million?

(Thanks to Diamond and DSafe)

…don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

Three stops in the league, and three times told to go somewhere else. He’s consistent. As marvelous has his numbers have always been, I am not certain he’s going to see the Hall of Fame at the end of this road. The football writers have been more willing than their baseball counterparts to overlook bad behavior in the past. But an overt team killer? Because that’s what Owens must be. Protestations to the side, when push comes to shove, teams just want him gone.

I wonder if Cowboys coaches will be allowed to talk to the media now.

Tim Cowlishaw in the Dallas Morning News on the move and Jerry Jones’ admitting defeat:

First of all, I’m not sure that it should happen. Getting rid of the unnecessary drama that Terrell Owens produces may not offset the missing production his release late Wednesday will command. Roy Williams? Ten games and 198 yards receiving? Cowboys fans have to hope that was a fluke, not a sign of things to come. But mainly, I didn’t think Owens would get released because it meant Cowboys owner Jerry Jones admitting defeat. And he doesn’t like to do that when it’s not absolutely necessary. But three years of Owens, a bunch of yards, a bunch of TDs and no playoff victories? Then a release? That is a definite admission of defeat.

Inevitably, the thoughts immediately turn to who wants to hope that the fourth time is a charm. It will need to be a team with hand. The Patriots come immediately to mind.

At least, deciphering what the hell Jones is up to with the whole gag order on his entire coaching staff thing. Tim Cowlishaw in the Dallas Morning News thinks he has a handle on it. It means that Terrell Owens will remain with the Cowboys. Unless he doesn’t.

That sure clears it up.