Category: Wild Card

May 6, 2008

Buzz Bissinger interviewed on a BLOG

We all know about Buzz by now. I personally had no idea who the guy was until he choked on his foot on HBO.

I write for this site, or blog as the case may be, because I enjoy it. No agenda, no specific vile or venom. And yes Buzz my computer is located in my basement. Additionally I do utilize poor grammar as in my real life I have not had to write much since college.

Buzz I may not be as famous as you, but I have an audience away from the keyboard, having done stand-up for years and radio for six years. So either I have fooled a lot of people or they are interested in what I have to say. I only wish I had been on that panel because I am like you, "I am a man of passion, and my passion got the better of me." And then I probably would have gotten the better of you in the parking lot too.

Here are some excerpts:

Q: And though we're not defending the use of the F-word or condemning it, clearly, there's a place for it in blogging or journalism - for instance, it appeared 21 times in your Vanity Fair profile of Don Imus last year.

A: I am not going to go back to the article and count the number of times the word "fuck" was used. I can tell you this-none of the uses were gratuitous or spur of the moment.


Q: We found the "blogs are dumbing down sports fans" argument to be highly debatable - the exact opposite could be said.

A: In the light of day, I think we are all guilty of the dumbing down not just of sports fans but of society. I was guilty of it on the Costas show.

While I didn't exactly take your attack personally, nor do I think our site qualifies as vile or dumbing down sports, Buzz from me to you: Go Fuck yourself.

May 1, 2008

Your Annual Cricket Update

Cheerleaders are taking Indian cricket by storm, but some are wondering if this conservative South Asian nation is ready for dancers with bulging breasts and gyrating bellies parading in packed stadia.

Many foreign cheerleaders have been imported to India with this month's inauguration of the India Premier League (IPL), a shortened form of traditional cricket that transforms the game into a more glitzy U.S.-style sponsored sport event.

But some outraged politicians say it is an affront to Indian culture while a few of the cheerleaders themselves complain lewd comment and insults from spectators is making their job a misery.

"It's been horrendous," Tabitha, a cheerleader from Uzbekistan, told the Hindustan Times. "

"Wherever we go we do expect people to pass lewd, snide remarks but I'm shocked by the nature and magnitude of the comments people pass here."

The IPL has caught the imagination of India, a nation of 1.1 billion and the world's biggest cricket audience. TV rights sold for more than $900 million and players for eight teams, many imported from abroad, were auctioned for millions.

In contrast to the cliched cricket image of genteel spectators sipping tea while politely applauding their team, now scantily-clad dancers gyrate to Bollywood or Western-style dance music blaring out from loudspeakers in stadia.

Even well-known cheerleaders from the Washington Redskins flew to India to perform for the Bangalore Royal Challengers. Photos of the dancers graced the front pages of most newspapers.

I say this is an excellent effort to help stabilize our country's trade deficit and we should continue to export some of our reusable (or very used, as the case may be) natural (or surgically enhanced) resources.

May 1, 2008

Not every Stallion is easy

The Japanese owners of former Kentucky Derby winner War Emblem are struggling to explain why the American thoroughbred has lost his libido.

Even a private harem and a limitless supply of Viagra have failed to pep up the love life of a stallion his handlers freely admit has some personal issues.

"We've tried everything," Nobuo Tsunoda, director of the prestigious Shadai Stallion Station on Japan's northern island of Hokkaido, told Reuters.

"You name it we've tried it. We had him on Viagra -- that didn't work. I even went into (Sapporo's) red light district with 300,000 yen in cash and brought back a lot of 'special' medicine to try and perk him up.

"It's very odd. He's not impotent. He's just very choosy about his women. He's more human than animal. Basically he's a bit of a weirdo."

War Emblem won the 2002 Kentucky Derby but has had problems in the breeding shed since being sold to the prominent Yoshida racing family for around $17 million (8.6 million pounds) later that year.

The 2008 race takes place on Saturday and its winner can expect big fees when he goes to stud. War Emblem has been a disappointment, however.

"He's been in contact with hundreds of mares but has successfully mated with a only a tiny percentage," said Tsunoda. "We have him on male hormone injections to see it that will help."

"It's not normal," continued Tsunoda. "A normal stud would climb onto any mare he sees but not him. He's just doesn't seem to like sex anymore -- which is odd."

Sometimes comedy just writes itself.

April 30, 2008

Ken Tremendous Sticks up For Blogs

From Firejoemorgan.com:

What Bissinger did that was so annoying to me was: he lumped all of these into one thing ("Deadspin," essentially), and furthermore, conflated the actual blog and the people who write for it with the silly comments people make at the bottom of every article.

It's a big dumb ignorant mistake to do this. It's a big hot wet mushy smelly bonebrained mistake to mix blog comments and blog articles. It's an even bigger mistake, in my opinion, to disparage the level of discourse on the Internet and use blog comments as an example. (And swear a ton while doing it, while saying that the Internet is "profane.") Picking a random blog comment and wielding it as a club to bash "blogs" is like picking a random romance novel off an airport bookstore shelf and saying, "This book sucks. Fuck you, Tolstoy -- your medium is worthless!"

I'd add to it, but there's no value for me to add. I only wish that the talented guys at FJM were viewed as more indicative of blog-dom than Deadspin, which is one of my least favorite sites on the web. I just don't see its value. Yeah, there's some irony there, I know.

April 9, 2008

I'd write a rebuttal

...to this, but I've got a pilonidal cyst on my ass that may or may not have developed from overexposure to a mattress spring that has been poking me while I sit here in my mom's basement.

I was directed to those comments by Firejoemorgan.com, a ridiculously good site that you should be reading right now instead of this one. Let me know when you get back.

Now, Junior has said pretty much everything I would say if he hadn't already said it. One point I would add is this: most mainstream sportswriters are no longer the best at showing insight to the world of sports. I'm sorry about that use of high-level punctuation back there, Reills, but I was assured by my editors that a colon was acceptable in that instance.

The fact is that -- yes, I understand the paradox of a blogger writing this -- that I would rather read blogs such as FJM for clever, coherent writing than many mainstream outlets. Hell, I don't even like newspapers!

You want irony? Follow this:

1) a guy writes that he is concerned about this "new journalism" that he might have to learn
2) same guy is the main reason that one of these "new journalism" proponents (read: me) canceled his subscription to an "old journalism" magazine (read: SI)

That's not really my point. (Fuck. I buried my lede. I'll never make it as a journalist.) Reilly asks in that link: "Why are they writing?" and I answer thusly:

I write because I enjoy it; it makes me happy to have an outlet. I don't do it for a paycheck or for any glory. Would I take it if said money or glory came my way? You're damn right I would.

I write because I am never so happy as when I am putting words on a piece of paper or in a tiny little Movable Type box.

I write for me, not for anyone else, though I am happy when people like things I write. I don't write sappy, preachy, pieces that foist how I feel upon others with the intent of making them feel the same way. I'm not better than anyone out there reading this just because I asked the guys that run this place if I could join them a few years back. I'm also not worse than a lot of guys with jobs at newspapers.

It comes down to chances. My chances led me in a different direction; that direction gave me a degree and a decent paycheck with which to pay my bills. What that direction didn't do was sate my thirst for writing. Nothing will. Ever. That's why I write. Maybe if Rick Reilly remembered that was why he started he'd understand why Joe Blogger does what he does.

April 5, 2008

Point to Sports Pickle

Mixed Race Athlete Said to be Both Scrappy AND Athletic

Well done, DJ. Well done.

" "Part of me wants to go to Duke, but I also like Memphis, too," he said. "Maybe I'll play half my career one place and half my career at the other."

Heh.

March 17, 2008

I've Stayed Away Long Enough

I used to lambast Bill Simmons regularly. Then I didn't post as much, and recently, his stuff (mainly about the NBA) has been pretty good. We all know what we're getting with Simmons. Take him or leave him. He's got a pretty good gig, so that's nice for him.

Then I read his latest article for ESPN the Magazine. The crux is that the future of sports movies is going to be ugly.

His rationale? Re-watchability. Is that the true measure of a good sports movie? I'll stop and watch Bull Durham anytime I see it on television. Major League? Ditto. Same for Rounders (which Simmons mentions). I'm also not so arrogant as to say that just because I won't watch Million Dollar Baby over and over that it isn't a pretty well-made movie. It's also hard to watch Schindler's List a bunch of times. Just because something makes you squirm doesn't mean it can be dismissed as a good film.

Maybe it's this: Instead of Hollywood making enjoyable movies about sports, they decided to make good movies that had sports as a central theme, or sometimes even just a distraction to the main idea of the movie. Does anyone think Remember the Titans was a football movie? It was a race movie that used a football team as the medium to tell its story.

Simmons has seen the ugly future of sports movies. I'll politely disagree and say that, as someone who no longer has the time to watch all the sports movies that come to theaters, I'd rather go in knowing that effort has been put in to make a good film about sports than a good sports movie. And at home, I'll just put my Durham DVD in if I can't find Hoosiers on the tube. Note, of course, that certain movies (Maybe even Semi-Pro) cannot be saved from being a bad movie just by being about sports.

The Swamp is kicking it around, and highlights that Simmons himself may be a little ironic as it pertains to his career arc. However, I think the real irony is that Simmons writes this piece for a magazine that is a big reason that I think the future of sports magazines is ugly.

My opinion, of course.

February 11, 2008

Reasons why people hate Screaming A. Shit

I have hated Stephen A. Smith from the very first time I ever viewed him on ESPN. I had never heard of him before and did not know he was a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. It also didn't help his case that he was the replacement for David Aldridge (who I thoroughly enjoyed).

ESPN brass thought so highly of Screaming A. that they gave him his own TV show on ESPN2. Of course the show lasted as long as Lindsey Lohan's sobriety because the ratings were equivalent to, and this is a direct quote, the amount of viewers equal to pets accidentally turning on the remote.

Fresh off of being fired from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Mr Smith has started his own blog. In the words of Aaron Gleeman "....it's a shame that he's now besmirching the good name of bloggers everywhere. I liked it a whole lot better when horrible newspaper columnists just made fun of bloggers."

Additionally Mr. Smith is being vilified, mocked and verbally raped in the comments section on his own blog. Here are a few samples.

• Remember that time you said the Chargers should kick a field goal on third down because if you miss, you can just kick it again on fourth down?

That was awesome. I hope this blog is that awesome too.

• anytime you speak, i have to find the remote and lower the volume on my tv by about half. i hate you for that.

• To subscribe to the Offline version of the Blog do I need to do anything besides unplug my internet connection?

• Didn't you just tear into bloggers last month, saying that they undermine true professionals like yourself?

• Are all your posts going to show up 12 days after you've written them?

Because that would make sense.

• So stupidity comes in an online format now? Terrific.

February 8, 2008

Inside the NFL: RIP

Huh. Had no idea HBO had pulled the plug. The show had been on for 31 years, and was drawing about two million viewers a week. Seems pretty healthy for the network. Guess not.

Bob Costas, per usual, was not one to mince words:

"Bob Costas, on the show's final episode, said it best, calling it 'a bone-headed decision to discontinue one of the best and longest-running shows on television.'''

And, where will I go to fulfill my weekly quota of dumb looks and people talking past each other? Work? I try to interact with them as little as possible. Cris Carter and Dan Marino, your quietly comic work will sorely be missed.

January 29, 2008

It Appears...

...the technical difficulties are indeed lifting.

Fresh content (for those poor bastards who stumble this way) will resume soon.

January 24, 2008

Wants

I want to be thinner without the benefit of exercise. I want Joe Morgan replaced on Sunday night baseball. I want Hank Seinbrenner to shut the fuck up. I want an outlet to plug in my laptop at the MABL draft this season. I want a job like MJD got. There's a lot of things I want.

And what does Barry Bonds want? He wants the his perjury charges to be dismissed. Well Barry, as I was told as a young child, shit in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up first.

January 22, 2008

MJD Moves Up in the World

Like a lot of people, we are big fans of MJD, who has moved, since our inception, from wildy successful creator of his own blog, to AOL Fanhouse, to, now, Yahoo Sports as an NFL Expert.

If you have been looking for him since he disappeared from Fanhouse, look here to Yahoo instead.

Nice to see genuine talent rewarded with a career.

January 21, 2008

I Am Late to This, But...

...head to Airing of Grievances and check out this post from Cozmo.

Disclaimer: it is not sports related, but well worth your time.

Further disclaimer: It's political. But more social. And dead on.

Additional disclaimer: It whacks both houses, so worry not about fair, and balance.

Final note: If you are tired of the boomer generation too, it scratches you where you itch. And not to be missed.

January 1, 2008

Happy 2008

On behalf of the posters on this part of the Frog and internets, have a nice day off and a good start to the year.

December 20, 2007

Happy Festivus (Three days early)

It's Festivus. Well, it will be on Sunday. But internet traffic is down on the weekends (it turns out people surf more from work...who knew?), and the stuff at Airing of Grievances deserves to be read widely. Which means you are compelled to head to Airing of Grievances today and find who has a problem with what.

What, you have something better to do? Bullshit. It's not like you will be working seriously anyway this close to a few days off next week.

The introduction to the day here.

The link to the main site here.

Head there often today and keep scrolling, because you will miss good stuff if you don't check it often.

And, on this Festivus (three days early), an acknowledgement again of the goodness that is AofG and a tip of the cap to the high quality they consistently bring, year after year. Props, fellas. Forever, props.

November 15, 2007

Best. Athlete. Ever.

Swamp legend zumba has launched a new website called mysportsgods.com where he is trying to create a sort of ultra Hall of Fame.

It's an idea conceived in The Swamp, and zumba has given birth to a new website where he is welcoming submissions for the players you think are the best athletes in the history of the world.

Yep, you can even nominate Buddy Biancalana.


November 13, 2007

Free Agency and the Writer's Strike

Let me begin by saying I have an obvious bias regarding the writer's strike as my brother is a member of the WGA. But this all reminds me of 1976 and Andy Messersmith and Dave McNally.

As the baseball owners before them, the Hollywood studios do not want to share the money. Baseball said free agency would financially destroy the sport. The studios said: "Take a cut in residuals while we develop the in-home video market." That cut was over 20 years ago.

I remember when James Garner quit the Rockford Files because part of his pay was a slice of the profits. Turns out the other producers (Universal Studios) were seriously cooking the books.

Later in the 1980s, after he attempted to fulfill his Rockford contract with a 1981 Maverick revival titled Bret Maverick, Garner became engaged in a legal dispute with Universal regarding the profits from Rockford that lasted over a decade, causing (and reflecting) significant ill will on both sides. The dispute was settled out of court (for an undisclosed amount) in Garner's favor, but because of this conflict, the Rockford character would not re-emerge until 1994.

Today every player gets a check from the union (with the exception of non-members who crossed the picket line during the last work stoppage) for the use of their name, likeness and other assorted rights.

Today every writer gets consistently dicked around even though they are the creative force behind what we watch. Why don't producers have a union? They don't need one.

Once again we have a huge industry with billions of dollars running around like chicken little screaming the sky is falling, while fucking over the writers (players). Sounds like the same tune, different verse to me.

November 12, 2007

Some people should never be paid to write.

Lists, lies and in this case damned be the statistics. Swamp All-Star, Rex Kramer mentioned this article from Game Spot regarding EA Games March Madness 08.

Here is a sample of their writing. The intro: "What's old is always new in college basketball, a sport that has respected and honored its past for decades. That goes for college basketball video games, too. Although classic teams are nothing new for college games, this year's NCAA March Madness 08 from EA Sports is taking a look backward with its ranking of the top 50 college players of all time. Now, any list like this is going to be fertile territory for argument....."

I cannot comprehend the first sentence. It is not only contradictory but really makes no sense at all. Addtionally, I think every sport honors their past, some sports do it even better than college basketball.

Now the list.
1. Michael Jordan -- North Carolina -- 96
2. Kevin Durant -- Texas -- 94

For a moment we will stop right there and add this simple disclaimer. Kevin Durant is on the cover of the fucking game. This makes him #2 on the list of all time college players? Better than Magic, Bird, Clyde, Sampson, Walton?

3. Earvin Johnson -- Michigan State -- 94
4. Clyde Drexler -- Houston -- 92
5. Larry Bird -- Indiana State -- 92
6. Steve Nash -- Santa Clara -- 91
7. Kenny Anderson -- Georgia Tech -- 89
8. Chris Bosh -- Georgia Tech -- 89
9. Richard Hamilton -- Connecticut -- 89
10. Jamal Mashburn -- Kentucky -- 89

Perhaps someone can refresh my memory with how great Nash was in college but I think he i taking Pistol Pete's spot there. There was also this former Knick and New Jersey Senator that played at Princeton that you may want to include in the top 10. And where is the Dream? Lew Alcindor? Meadowlark Lemon?

11. Jason Terry -- Arizona -- 89
12. Reggie Williams -- Georgetown -- 89
13. Ray Allen -- Connecticut -- 88
14. Carmelo Anthony -- Syracuse -- 88
15. Butch Beard -- Louisville -- 88
16. Travis Best -- Georgia Tech -- 88
17. Mike Bibby -- Arizona -- 88
18. Junior Bridgeman -- Louisville -- 88
19. Caron Butler -- Connecticut -- 88
20. Mike Dunleavy -- Duke -- 88

Nice to see a white stiff at #20, but if I recall correctly Carmelo played 1 year of NCAA BBall. Oscar Robertson? Jerry Lucas? Grant Hill?

EA Sports obviously markets to kids so their history is obviously a shorter span of time. But why lie to the kids? Why make a game and pimp out your cover boy as #2 all-time when he can't even legitimately crack the top ten.

November 12, 2007

Top Banned Video Games

As far as lists go, props to Yahoo for this one, it's fun trip down obscure and forgotten video-game memory lane. The games on the list?

1. Carmageddon
2. Wolfenstein 3D
3. Mortal Kombat
4. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Take 2)
5. Pokemon
6. BMX XXX
7. C & C: Generals
8. Football Manager 2005
9. The Guy Game
10. GRAW2
11. Manhunt 2

Why banned? A variety of sins including violence, Nazi references, sex, nudity, and Tibetan soccer teams (that explains the Football Manager ban in China). The countries laying the smack down at various times? US, UK, China, Saudi, Germany, etc. Follow the link for the details, it's a fun read to start a Monday.

October 22, 2007

Public Service announcement from the Sports Frog

To: Any professional athlete who has ever used HGH as prescribed from a doctor

Re: being proactive

All,

If you are a professional athlete who has used HGH on the advice from a doctor, please get as many copies of the doctor's notes as you can, as well as any other documentation that might be useful to you or that could in any way be harmful to your career or your image and immediately call a press conference in which you own up to using HGH. Bring your doctor along.

Trust us, it's going to suck for a couple of days, but you'll eventually be noted for being a stand-up person about it.

October 5, 2007

From Jonestown To Hoops

Since this is apparently a day for acknowledging that which we often relentlessly mock, praise is due ESPN.com for a fascinating piece about Ron Jones, grandson of Jim Jones, the infamous cult leader responsible for the deaths of 900 of his followers.

While I've seen the movies and read the stories about Jonestown, I had no idea about the link between the cult and basketball, which saved the life of one of Jones' sons (who eventually became Rob's father).

Well, well worth a read.

October 3, 2007

Your Random Pacman Jones Update

One of his legal oopsies has had the trial moved to March (the Georgia obstruction of justice one). Also, he's giving out 1500 tickets to the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling's "Bound For Glory" pay-per-view event on Oct. 14 in Duluth, Ga.! For youths with good grades AND good behavior!

So...students in Fulton County, you are warned. Start tanking tests and acting out now to avoid having to go to "Bound for Glory". Otherwise you will be forced to see a continuation of this kind of compelling action:

"Jones signed with TNA in July and won TNA's tag team title with Ron "The Truth" Killings last month despite being barred by a restraining order from doing anything physical that would hurt his future NFL career. He covered up Sting for the pinfall."

That's some tight reporting from the Tennessean right there.

October 1, 2007

The Sporting World - On Its Ear

For one, a team of golfers from the United States dominated a Cup event, winning the President's Cup 19.5-14.5, only it wasn't that close. Now, the US has dominated this event and now holds a 5-1-1 record, but after a draw in 2003 and a narrow win in 2005, it had been some time since a US team had routed an opponent. Everyone is familiar with the Ryder Cup History. So, let's close the door on that surprise with a look at the report cards for the US and International Teams.

Then, as has been mentioned below, I got to watch my favorite pro football team lay one on my old favorite football team. Vey few predicted the comprehensive manner in which the Browns would take out the Ravens. It was never close. The first six times the Ravens reached the territory of the Browns, they were only able to muster six points. The Cleveland defense played as well as they have all season. While probably not a playoff team this season, it makes it easier to think about "down the road."

Speaking of "down the road," that's something that I have been forced to look to for as long as I've watched college football. Then, after a better than the scoreline 45-17 win over Florida Atlantic, coupled with losses of many teams ranked in front of them, the University of Kentucky Wildcats find themselves ranked 8th in the nation.

This is impossible for me to comprehend. If a UK team shows up in the polls at 5-0 and ranked 8th, it's somewhat disappointing, but only because that's usually the basketball team, not the football team. The last time UK was ranked this highly was 1977, the first fall I was alive. Since then it's been a treasure trove of maligned fandom. Marty Moore fumbling at the Peach Bowl. Twenty-plus straight losses to both Florida and Tennessee. Devery Henderson and premature Gatorade baths.

Then, Rich Brooks came in, to much scorn, and told us he was going to 1) Clean up the program off probation 2) Recruit better players and get depth and 3)Start to be relevant again. After seasons of calls for his job, even extending into last years eventual 8-5 campaign, Brooks has shown himself true to his word. Granted, only one SEC game has been played by these Cats, but if you take relevance to mean that the LSUs, Floridas and Georgias of the conference aren't taking games against UK for granted, then Mission Accomplished.

There is still a lot of work to do, and it resumes Thursday, against South Carolina in Columbia. I'm just going to enjoy the ride, because historically this isn't a ride that we get on very often. And Boss, if you're reading this, I'm feeling a little under the weather. I think it's one of those bugs with a four day gestation period. I might be a little late Friday Morning, win or lose.

Eighth? Really?

September 12, 2007

Happy 5768

L'shana Tovah

September 11, 2007

Let Us Not Forget

September 7, 2007

Not Your Father's Sports Bar

Count me among those who are curious to see what exactly a $20 million sports restaurant in a super-upscale casino run by Jay-Z will look like.

The whole "85 plasma high-definition TVs" seems like a good start.

September 4, 2007

Rugby World Cup - France Argentina Preview

Tom 1860, with a preview of the Rugby World Cup opener, this Friday. Don't forget to check out this thread in The Swamp for more Rugby-scussion.

France play Argentina in the opening game of the 2007 rugby world cup on Friday night in Paris.

There are 4 groups of 5 teams in the rugby world cup and rugby has a top tier of 10 highly competitive nations. That means, because of seeding, that 2 groups will have at least 3 top tier teams. Each group sends its top 2 teams (after the group stage) forward to the final 8 knockout format.

Why the hell am I telling you about the groups and seedings you may ask? Well, its because group A has put France, Argentina and Ireland together and 1 of these nations will not make it past the group stages. Group A is the RWC's group of death!

Anyway, the match itself:

Argentina's 30 man squad is made up of nomadic players who play week in week out for the top professional club sides in France. Because of this, they tend to play a lot of internationals away from home. They will not be worried in the slightest by France's home field advantage.

Argentina will attempt to bully the French forwards (especially in the scrum) and keep the game close. They have a couple of fast/game breaking backs, but will look to strangle the opposition and kick penalty goals.

France are the ultimate flair team in world rugby. They can be defending their own goal line one second and the next, breaking away into the vast open spaces the opposition has left behind. In the past the French have been accused of being hot headed and at times unprofessional... This is a very fair point, the French are bad losers and indulge themselves in le skullduggery whenever things go South.

France have a great defence and they will attempt to soak up Argentine pressure and then beat them on the break. Look for a French victory by 8-12 points, but a close game until the final 20 minutes (rugby is contested over 2 halves, each lasting 40 minutes) when the Argentine team will be very tired and concede points and commit sin-bin offences.

September 3, 2007

Random Fun for a Labor Day

A new blog from two of my favorite Memphis sports talk hosts (Peter Edmiston and Will Askew of 560 WHBQ) entitled These Enormous Children (SNL shout-out there) with a nice find to some enterprising soul's video-list of the top 11 pick-up basketball archetypes. The eleven types so identified?

1. Johnny Clear-out
2. Mr. Excuses
3. Rulebook Jones (heh, 3-second violation guy)
4. Hypothetical dunker
5. Immovable fat guy
6. Richard Simmons (excessive stretching guy)
7. Player/coach
8. Always fouled guy & Never fouls guy
9. Bad gear dude
10. Dr. Quick Skins (always volunteers for skins)
11. Baller the Kid (the 10-year-old who can always play)

Fun video. Others to add to the list? They missed old guy who thinks he's Kevin McHale with 35 second slow backdown to the basket moves. I am actually morphing into that guy as the years go by. Well, him and immovable fat guy. Damn. I hate this list. It's been 20 years since I would have entertained the thought of being Dr. Quick Skins.

Confessions as to your type? Additions to the list? General thoughts? Bring them here, in the Swamp.

August 27, 2007

Rugby World Cup

I am not even going to pretend I know anything about rugby. Luckily, though, The Swamp is blessed with those who do. Tom 1860, easily the most awesome Swamper currently living in Bristol, England (just east of God's country), has posted a preview of the upcoming Rugby World Cup.

I am pasting it here, and you can read the rest after the jump. Beware, there are loads of words you would expect to hear on a Rugby-pitch. Or whatever ruggers call a field. Also some gratuitous use of the English 'u' in words like colour and rumour and common misspellings of things like center and defense.

Be sure to check in this thread in The Swamp for more hot scrum action.

"Here's the proper, I fucking know about rugby review (Which will include huge stereo-typing):

Favourites (In order of rank): New Zealand, South Africa, France, Ireland, Australia, England, Wales, Argentina, Italy and Scotland.

Team overviews and players to watch:

New Zealand - The All Blacks: Bed-shitters-extraordinaire, but by far the best team. Have been the best team between cups in 1995, 1999, and 2003, but have found a way to lose. Would be a national disaster if they lost and, in my humble opinion, only South Africa or France can take them. They cheat better than any other team in the world and get away with it.

Players to watch:
Captain Richie McCaw @ 7, best forward (I changed this from foward, which actually might be a rugby position, I wouldn't know - AB) in the game, do everything back row forward, always the 1st to the breakdown (When a tackle is made, the ballcarrier goes to ground and has to immediately release the ball).

Rodney So'oialo, huge @ 8 who is the world's best ever cheat (cheating is something to be proud of at international level and should never be confused with dirty play).

Dale Carter @ 10, like McCaw except he is the best backs player. Is very strong and physical despite his size (like LT in football).

South Africa: Huge forwards, hate losing even more than the Australians, except they start punching people when they lose and the Aussies just bitch to the ref and media about it. Have the most physical team and love to beat on others.

Players to watch:

Shalk Berger @ 6, typical Safa, hard as fuck and even dirtier. Is as dirty as So'oialo is a cheat, Rugby's answer to Bob Probert.

Bryan Habana: @14, Big winger with fastest pair of wheels in the game."

Continue reading "Rugby World Cup" »

August 23, 2007

Somewhere Tim Donaghy is crying

Casino giant Harrah's Entertainment Inc. announced Wednesday that it will partner with AEG, the company that brought David Beckham to the Los Angeles Galaxy, to build a 20,000-seat arena in Las Vegas capable of housing an NBA or NHL team.

The $500 million arena, behind the Bally's and Paris hotel-casinos on the Las Vegas Strip, is projected to open in 2010. It's a step toward attracting a pro sports franchise to a city that has tried to persuade reluctant league officials to look past its legalized sports betting.

I am sure David Stern is going to love this idea. Hell, Barkely may even come out of retirement for this.

August 19, 2007

A Charles Rogers Sighting

Another NFL team? Hells no.

A CFL team? Apparently yes. Though the CFL season is half over, there a few teams rumored to be interested in getting in the spectacular NFL draft bust business. Maybe Mike Williams will be along at some point too.

Matt Millen's a tool.

August 18, 2007

Dear Jay Mohr:

Not only does your work continue to suck, but you are not getting any help from whoever is writing the copy trying to draw people into reading your suck. Verbatim from the front page of foxsports.com is this:

"The bloggers have thoroughly enjoyed ripping Jay Mohr so far. But now Jay has his own blog, and firing right back, so watch out."

Ooohhh, scary. I am sure "bloggers" are quaking. We'll probably talk about it at our weekly meetings.

Oh, to be clear, don't read any of Mohr's crap. It's fuck-awful. But do read Fire Joe Morgan every chance you get, and enjoy the expansion to their repetoire that Jay Mohr has provided.

August 15, 2007

This is "Now"

If you aren't a reader of the ESPN Obudsman, you should be, if for no other reason than that Le Anne Schreiber weighs in derisively on "Who's Now" and other happenings in the past month of ESPN Coverage.

- "The divide was between viewers who thought it was fun to have that question "debated" on SportsCenter and those who found it silly but no fun at all. No one will be surprised to find me on the no-fun side of the aisle, but what matters now is the divide itself and what SportsCenter executives think about it."

- "(There was) another risk taken with SportsCenter last month -- having Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic of ESPN's "Mike and Mike in the Morning" radio show serve as anchors for the 6 p.m. SportsCenter on July 23. I tuned in that evening, interested to see how the duo would behave as anchors on a day when the top news stories included breaking news on the NFL commissioner's suspension of Vick and the NBA referee gambling scandal. Mike Greenberg, a former anchor, read the news in a professional manner and then joined "co-anchor" Mike Golic in passing opinion upon it, thus utterly blurring the distinction between anchor and commentator."

And, the money quote:

"I wish ESPN would consider adding to its lineup a crisp, half-hour, nightly news version of SportsCenter -- just news and highlights, without gimmicks or sponsored segments or recaps, without self- or cross-promotion, with a consistent anchor team accountable for a consistent tone, with spare to no use of instant commentary. A prime-time island of clean, clear, straightforward news on which ESPN's journalistic credibility could securely rest."

YES! YES, Le Anne! YES! I would DVR such a show and watch it in the AM. Religiously. As it is, I will not watch SportsCenter. I am so not "Now," but neither is Schreiber, who never got the memo that journalistic credibility is secondary to ratings. Unfortunately so.

August 6, 2007

Pac Man's time is now!

Untitled Document And now, Ladies and Gentlemen...
The moment you've all been waiting for...


Just released by the associated press:
"Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones is ready to step into the wrestling ring.

He signed a contract with Total Nonstop Action Wrestling and will make his in-ring debut on Thursday, the company said Monday. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

Jones' first appearance will be for its iMPACT! show on Spike TV, and he'll appear in a pay-per-view show on Sunday. TNA films at Universal Studios in Orlando, Fla.

"I am a big fan of wrestling, so I wanted to give it a try," Jones said in a statement. "I respect wrestling and I'm not coming in like it's just a show. I want to prove that I am the greatest team-sport athlete."


What would happen if Pacman had to face The Amazon? How long would it take for Pacman to have his head bitten?

August 3, 2007

Betting Fool Betting Season is Here

Almost.

If you read Fool in the San Francisco Chronicle, you know that each year he writes a second column a week in the fall in which he starts with a bankroll and makes calls on various upcoming college and NFL games. I don't believe he has come close to breaking even in the years I've read him.

At any rate, with the hint of real football close, he breaks out the second column this week with the first betting column of the year, some tongue-in cheek, some not. A taste:

"SLOGANS (-14) over Stanford Football: Before you can say things like "Our House, Our Dream," you need to make sure that "your" house isn't a home for football nightmares and that it doesn't draw thousands more fans for soccer matches. The Fool risks 50 simoleons on the UNDER for Stanford's 2007 win total of three."

July 31, 2007

The NAACP Defense of Mike Vick

Curious.

And, to clarify, it is the Atlanta branch of the NAACP doing the defending asking for restraint from the public in terms of judging.

Drew Sharp, columnist for the Detroit Free Press, writes a must read column in response. A few highlights:

"The civil rights organization's Atlanta chapter came to Michael Vick's defense Monday, chastising those rushing to judge the embattled Atlanta Falcons quarterback before he has fully exhausted the criminal court process. But in its rush for sufficient camera time, the NAACP conveniently forgot that nobody has compromised Vick's constitutional or civil rights. If the NAACP demands involvement in Vick's legal and career difficulties, it should concentrate on shedding more public light on the sadistic subculture of dogfighting and possibly how prominent the role of the millionaire black athlete is in this disgusting practice. It should question its own hypocrisy in having no critical complaint whatsoever with Vick and other high-profile black athletes making millions off the exploitation of financially challenged black kids who must have the right athletic shoe even if it costs 200 bucks, but then rips Nike for severing ties with Vick last week simply because Nike buckled from intense public pressure after the dogfighting charges. There's a corporate lesson here that even the most morally vacuous business organization still has limits to its tolerance."

It's as good a read as I have ever seen from Drew Sharp. Highly recommended.

July 30, 2007

That Eddy Curry Home Invasion?

Police are now wondering if it was the same band of thieves that robbed Antoine Walker earlier this month. The Walker robbery was also at his home in the Chicago area.

Meanwhile, in the story on the Curry robbery, we get this odd quote from a neighbor in the tony southwestern Chicago suburb:

"'He comes here to get away, and this is what happens,' said Jodi Cullen, 47, whose son was obliged when he asked an autograph at their famous neighbor's door last year. 'I hope he doesn't move away, but I wouldn't blame him if he did.'"

Finally, the ugly truth of suburban living comes out. Time for everyone to flee back to the inner-city. Or, hey. Wait a minute. A suspicious home invasion of the black guy's home followed by neighbors suggesting the black family might feel safer somewhere else? Hmmmm.

By the way, a sample house in the Burr Ridge neighborhood:

July 30, 2007

Looks Like Pacman Jones May Have Found Work

Fantastic. The story from the Tennessean:

"Worrick Robinson, who represents Jones, said his client has been approached by Total Nonstop Action Wrestling 'to participate in their line of entertainment.' But Robinson said Jones 'won't be wrestling' and he won't be playing the part of a villain as some might expect. 'Pacman is talking with TNA at this time and we expect an announcement to be made in the next several days,' Robinson said. 'It is not anticipated that he'll be wrestling, but discussions are taking place for him to have some role in their profession. But details have not be finalized.'''

Talk about the kind of news that puts a spring in one's step to start a work week.

Hey, Total Nonstop Action Westling? A simple request. Please have him make it rain. Later, have one of his entourage pretend to shoot the place up. Laughs all around. Then have a pretend victim of the shooting be in a wheelchair from paralysis. Might as well keep the fun somewhat real.

July 28, 2007

I'm Not Generally Into Congress Bashing But...

Really? An investigation into steroids and pro wrestling? You got time for that?

It's not like we are not as a country on the precipice of a constitutional crisis or something along those lines...

Or, say, a seemingly never-ending engagement as target practice in a civil war in Iraq.

July 27, 2007

Where is the Dan Patrick petition?

All these sports websites and no one has started a petition to at least give Dan Patrick one last show? Is ESPN really blackballing the face of the network and refusing to allow him to go back on the air at all?

Please tell me I'm wrong. Please tell me they're bringing him back for one more week. If they are allowed to just let him go quietly in the night, not only would that be poor form on their part, but it would be a prime example of why their monopoly on the sporting world could become too much, if it hasn't already done so.

July 26, 2007

ESPN, Please Not NOW, Not ever again.

It has been exactly one year since I officially filed for divorce from ESPN. I am ashamed to admit it, but I keep going back. Perhaps it is only because I haven't found a suitable substitute. At least I had one thing left to hold to from our relationship that made me feel good.

I thought of Sunday morning SportsCenter as "adult SportsCenter" with Bob Ley and Chris McKendry. Image my shock, outrage, nausea and utter disgust when Screaming A. Smith started making Sunday morning invasions. NOW I have nothing left. (Side note - for some reason when you go to the Chris McKendry page, which is scant, I get an add for Illinois lawsuit loans. How that relates to anything, Ill never know)

In the year since I filed papers you have gone from a cheating tramp to a street walking crack whore, staggering down the block, in stained bicycle shorts, hollering suck your cock for a rock. You need help, extreme help; medication, therapy and a padded room.

NOW has been utterly worst tripe ever recorded on video tape. Last week you used NOW as a vehicle to pimp Adam Sandler and Kevin James just to promote a mediocre movie. I don't care who's NOW. I don't need you to tell me. I am sure this show makes Tom Mees spin in his grave.

Who's not NOW? Dan Patrick and then by proxy Keith Olberman. For one reason or another Dan decided to leave you in mid-August, you made him go immediately. Dan Patrick had by far the finest sports radio show I have ever heard and yet you could not find a way to make the man happy. Do you think David Stern will go on air with Cowherd? I won't go on air with Cowherd.

What's not NOW anymore? TrueHoops. I am thrilled for the guy who founded the site, did all the hard work and made a fortune selling you the site, but you have slowly added drivel to the mix, thus making it less relevant.

What was never NOW ? Somehow you have turned Page 2 into a parody of the concept of Page 2. And one of the few people worth reading, Jason Whitlock, was just a little to critical for your highly refined tastes.

What's not NOW anymore? The Bill Simmons Cartoon. Certainly Bill has a voice made for cartoons, but to have Mrs. Richfield's 6th grade class draw and write the cartoon may not have been a good use of Disney money.

What's not NOW anymore? Cold Pizza. One of the dumbest names ever for a TV show, you renamed it and moved it to Bristol. Great places to eat in Bristol. Yum. But you kept Skip Bayless. Skip has never let facts get in the way of a good argument and after two years of putting up with his shit Woody Paige said fuck this, I'm going back to Colorado. Rename the show Skipless and ratings will soar. But leave his hairpiece on the set, it has a better personality.

What's not useful NOW? Your website now has more activity then a carnival midway. Designed for a kitten with ADD, I can barely sort through the ads to find the content. Your contests, like Gridiron Weekly, fell by the wayside because your monolithic corporation could not send out checks to winners in less than 6 months.

What didn't work NOW? Well if NOW is April when ESPN completely crashed their fantasy baseball site and then wiped out the entire first week of the season.

Who's new NOW? Dusty Baker. Instead of ruining arms around the National League he now gets to ruin my daily does of Baseball Tonight and I understand Karl Ravech now needs Tommy John surgery. And while I do not dislike Eric Young, I just can't understand him now matter how hard I listen. He mumbles, mispronounces and slurs simultaneously.

What was NOW stricken from the History books? The ESPN mobile phone. A failure of epic proportions, ESPN has decided to change deck chairs on this Titanic and partner with Verizon. My favorite commercial is where they talk to a father who watched a game, while viewing highlights of another game, during his child's play, while in his words "performing his fatherly duties." Maybe it's that way if your father is Art Schlichter then maybe it's believable. How Disney of them. There are GA meetings everywhere.

What is NOW? Arena Football. We have had highlights all season as this 20-year old sport suddenly became relevant because it is NOW broadcast on the ESPN family of networks.

What is NOW? NASCAR. We now have more redneck car coverage because the network is broadcasting the "sport". I just can't get enough of non-athletic, lily-white, southern accented, sons of previous drivers on my TV. They aren't even the best drivers in the world. It is a business owned by one family. They decide who races and who doesn't.

Last year when I filed for divorce I thought we were at the lowest point in our relationship. I had severely underestimated you. Your propensity for making the worst possible choices is the most amazing streak since Joe D went for 56 straight. Keep up the good work.

July 22, 2007

Emmitt Smith Apparently Can't Read

Another blow to the University of Florida's academic reputation.

At any rate, the evidence of Smith's illiteracy? These quotes on the Michael Vick indictment:

"Now, granted he might have been to a dogfight a time or two, maybe five times, maybe 20 times, may have bet some money, but he's not the one you're after. He's not the one you're after, he's just the one whose going to take the fall -- publicly."

Um...or, if he had read the indictment (assuming literacy), maybe realized that Vick kinda sorta actually did, ah, murder animals. In between "been to a dogfight" (maybe 20 times).

While we're here, hey, Emmitt? This is kind of the opposite of how prosecutors work:

"He's the biggest fish in the whole doggone pond right now so they're putting the squeeze on him to get to everyone else."

Ah, no. Prosecutors put the squeeze on the littler fish to get to the bigger fish. Even the very capable US Attorneys in Eastern Virginia. And it very much appears that Vick is the biggest of the fish.

July 20, 2007

Nike and the Vick Shoe

Nike has told retailers it will not release a fifth signature shoe, the Air Zoom Vick V, this summer. Nike spokesman Dean Stoyer said the four shoe products and three shirts that currently bear Vick's name will remain in stores.

I understand the real story behind the shoes is that they are not very comfortable. After wearing them for about an hour, your dogs will be barking.

July 16, 2007

Who's More Now?

The ESPY's?

Or anything else that ever was?

Correct answer according to 100% of billions of votes:

Anything else that ever was

July 9, 2007

Dan Patrick leaving ESPN?

Swamp scoop specialist wlu_lax6 pointed us to an interesting rumor that is being circulated that is saying ESPN's Dan Patrick may announce he's leaving the wwlis to go host "The Price is Right".

The sportsbusinessradio link has plenty of speculation of Patrick's options and further insight like:
..the dirty little secret out there is that Patrick's radio show ratings are slightly behind the ratings of ESPN's other primary radio properties, Mike & Mike in the morning and "The Herd" with Colin Cowherd.

You can always expect to hear the biggest names in sports appear on Dan Patrick's show, but Patrick is not nearly as entertaining to listen to as Cowherd or even Mike & Mike. Patrick has a tough time carrying a show on his own and its only when he's paired with Keith Olberman or one of his regular guests (Rick Reilly, Reggie Miller, etc) that he truly shines.
Leave your comment about the rumor and/or move if it is announced in the swamp. UPDATE: It's official.

July 5, 2007

Competitive Eating

Absolutely disgusting.

And unwatchable.

Stop. Please. Showing anything to do with this "sport".

June 29, 2007

Because its Summer

I just noticed that the front page has a vast shortcoming. There hasn't been any recent representation of the female gender. Here is a brief respite from men's sports.

June 29, 2007

A Strange Twist of Wikipedia

Investigators are looking into who altered pro wrestler Chris Benoit's Wikipedia entry to mention his wife's death hours before authorities discovered the bodies of the couple and their 7-year-old son.

Benoit's Wikipedia entry was altered early Monday to say that the wrestler had missed a match two days earlier because of his wife's death.

A Wikipedia official, Cary Bass, said Thursday that the entry was made by someone using an Internet protocol address registered in Stamford, Conn., where World Wrestling Entertainment is based.

So where was Vince McMahon over the weekend. This case is becoming more bizarre.

June 28, 2007

The WWE Investigative Force

Quite honestly before this week I had absolutely no idea who Chris Benoit was. I believe that "pro-wrestling" is part dance, part soap opera, part ballet, with some choreography mixed in. I equate the entire "sport" to watching a ventriloquist's dummy and suspending my disbelief as the dummy becomes real to me.

I will not comment on the events at the Benoit residence this past weekend other than to say those events are bizarre.

The WWE was quick to dismiss the idea, issuing a news release Tuesday saying steroids "were not and could not be related to the cause of death" and that the findings indicate "deliberation, not rage." Benoit tested negative April 10, the last time he was tested for drugs, the WWE said.

I am thrilled that his last test came back "negative". I am not aware of any "pro-wrestlers" being suspended for steroid use, but I am aware that a few have died from it. How exactly do the KNOW this?

What strikes me as amazing is that the WWE knows that steroids were not involved in the murder, even though there were some anabolic steroids found in the home. Just this morning World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon on Thursday urged people not to assume that steroids played a role in the murder-suicide of pro-wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife and 7-year-old son.

Perhaps it is time for Vince to have a big cup of STFU. Obviously he is concerned for his family's business and is now doing damage control. In fact this event brought Vince back from the dead as he was "assassinated" in a car bombing just two weeks earlier. To call this a sport is an insult to dart and domino players everywhere.

(Some parts of this story came from ESPN.com)

June 27, 2007

A 21st Century ESPN bashing

It's been a growing trend of this age, as internets become more heavily relied upon by individuals for the delivery of news, that the local newspaper man - the man on the street, if you will - is being run out of the world as we recreate it.

But what most don't realize is that a great deal of the majority of the real news and real stories that gets put out these days on the internet, originates with those same local writers that newspapers are slowing cutting back on.

PBS's Frontline series ran a four-part special series earlier this year that spent